Ann

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Saying No

For many of us, the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No. Go ahead, say it aloud: No.

No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. We're afraid people won't like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a "good" employee, child, parent, spouse, or Christian never says no.

The problem is, if we don't learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment.


When do we say no? When no is what we really mean.

When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean.

If we're scared to say no, we can buy some time. We can take a break, rehearse the word, and go back and say no. We don't have to offer long explanations for our decisions.

When we can say no, we can say yes to the good. Our no's and our yes's begin to be taken seriously. We gain control of ourselves. And we learn a secret: "No" isn't really that hard to say.

Today, I will say no if that is what I mean.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Ann

How hard it was, and still can be, for me to say "no". Fear was the obstacle that made this word stick in my throat. Faith was what released that fear and let the word flow, kindly, confidently and I learned that saying no was a free choice of what was healthy for me.

I learned it was okay to pause and say nothing until I was certain. "Let me consider that and get back to you" was a safe way to pause. "I'm sorry but that just doesn't work for me" was a safe way to say it without making it about them or anyone else, and kept it as my personal choice.

It took practice, it took courage to say it and mean it and not let the reaction of others influence my choice.

Hugs

imallright

Thanks! That "codie" in me, just hates to say the little word. BUT...it's about putting my needs first, right... so sometimes it is the only word. Have a great day!