One is NOT the loneliest number
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: SC
Posts: 1,027
One is NOT the loneliest number
This month marks one drug free year for my husband.
I am proud of him and proud that he made the decision to get clean and live a clean life.
I am proud of the fact that he feels like he finally has something to be really proud of.
I am proud of the fact that HE did this because he was tired of that lifestyle and the pain and damage after the high.
But MOSTLY, I am proud that I stood up to own codependent tendancies and said NO MORE!!
My life is so much easier now that I've figured out how to allow him to live his own life without my interference when it comes to the way he wants to live.
It wasn't long before he got clean that I told him that I knew I wasn't ready to leave yet but that there would come a day when I was ready and he'd come home and my stuff would be gone. I had threatened soooo many times before that I was going to leave him or kick him out or blah blah blah that went in one ear and out the other because I NEVER KEPT MY WORD!
I had my moment of clarity and stepped up to do the right thing and let go of him. It was so hard, that first step but after you take that first step you feel like you are moving in the right direction. I cried and resisted and denied and argued and said we'll he hasn't done this (insert drug, act, etc here) yet so he's not that bad and I'll just let it slide. I finally figured out that I did deserve better than that!
I feel somewhat lucky to have experienced what I have at my young age because it led to a growth and emotional and spiritual maturity that I wouldn't have had otherwise.
I could have never taken that first step without SR. It was a life line for me. I'm not on as much as I'd like to be because life has been so busy for me recently and I hate that. I do read and stop in occasionally and the hurt and pain I read touches my heart because believe me, everyone here DOES understand.
((((SR)))) I'm glad I found you when I did.
I am proud of him and proud that he made the decision to get clean and live a clean life.
I am proud of the fact that he feels like he finally has something to be really proud of.
I am proud of the fact that HE did this because he was tired of that lifestyle and the pain and damage after the high.
But MOSTLY, I am proud that I stood up to own codependent tendancies and said NO MORE!!
My life is so much easier now that I've figured out how to allow him to live his own life without my interference when it comes to the way he wants to live.
It wasn't long before he got clean that I told him that I knew I wasn't ready to leave yet but that there would come a day when I was ready and he'd come home and my stuff would be gone. I had threatened soooo many times before that I was going to leave him or kick him out or blah blah blah that went in one ear and out the other because I NEVER KEPT MY WORD!
I had my moment of clarity and stepped up to do the right thing and let go of him. It was so hard, that first step but after you take that first step you feel like you are moving in the right direction. I cried and resisted and denied and argued and said we'll he hasn't done this (insert drug, act, etc here) yet so he's not that bad and I'll just let it slide. I finally figured out that I did deserve better than that!
I feel somewhat lucky to have experienced what I have at my young age because it led to a growth and emotional and spiritual maturity that I wouldn't have had otherwise.
I could have never taken that first step without SR. It was a life line for me. I'm not on as much as I'd like to be because life has been so busy for me recently and I hate that. I do read and stop in occasionally and the hurt and pain I read touches my heart because believe me, everyone here DOES understand.
((((SR)))) I'm glad I found you when I did.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
JWife, Congratulations to both you and your husband. Last night I went to my first meeting. So many there talked about how they got healthy and then their addicted loved ones followed suit. Even those whose family member was still active had been able to find serenity. Hugs to you, Marle
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Jwife,
Congratulations on learning what recovery is all about - YOU and YOUR life and what is and isn't acceptable. Also, learning that we ARE entitled to a life, a good and full life despite what is going on around us. It's a great feeling, isn't it?
Also, tell your husband congratulations. I know he's worked hard to reach this point and I pray he'll keep doing what works to keep him clean and sober.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Congratulations on learning what recovery is all about - YOU and YOUR life and what is and isn't acceptable. Also, learning that we ARE entitled to a life, a good and full life despite what is going on around us. It's a great feeling, isn't it?
Also, tell your husband congratulations. I know he's worked hard to reach this point and I pray he'll keep doing what works to keep him clean and sober.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Jwife, it just warms my heart to hear from you, especially such an inspiring post. I know it was a long road for you and for him and now, a year clean, it all falls into place.
Big hugs to you and also to Mr. Jwife and my wishes for much happiness in days to come.
Big hugs to you and also to Mr. Jwife and my wishes for much happiness in days to come.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: SC
Posts: 1,027
Thanks to all for the congratulations! I appreciate it.
It has been a really long road with a lot of ups and downs but I survived and am a better person for it.
Marle- It wasn't long after I quit enabling and covering and providing for him that he figured it out. I know it was totally his decision and him being ready but I think that quitting enabling his use may have given him a tiny push in the right direction. Really, I don't care if standing on his head and spittin in a bucket was what made him realize that he was done, I'm just glad he realized it in time to salvage what was left of our marriage, cause there wasn't much left at that point and its been a lot of hard work to build it back up. It's still a work in progress.
Hangin- It is a great feeling to finally "get it". I'm not sure WHY I had it ingrained into me that what he was doing was okay or not that bad because it WAS bad and I didn't deserve to be treating myself the way I was. I'm still a work in progress and have a long way to go but I'm working!
Greet and Ann- Thank you. Alot of times when I was realllly struggling and realllly down I would come on here and find something that someone had written that would touch my heart and help me up out of the muck that day. I knew to always follow the directions of the ones who had been through it before and came out the other side but when you stuck between that rock and hard place, that's hard to do.
I think alot of people on here struggle because they AREN'T ready to leave their spouses yet and that was what I struggled with. I just wasn't ready to do it. So, to protect my own sanity, I had to learn to detach and still live with him and I did learn, with quite a few mistakes along the way and that was okay. As long as I didn't let those mistakes drag me back to the beginning and I just picked back up and carried on, I was Okay. I learned that detaching doesn't mean I didn't love him anymore or that I didn't want to be with him anymore. It meant growing up and learning to love him enough to allow him to live his life the way he chose.
I'll be honest, I still struggle some days. Some days you just get that 'what if' voice in the back of your head. I've just learned now to ask back, well, What If? I can't control the "what if". If he does it, he does it and I can't stop it but I have my tools to help me.
It has been a really long road with a lot of ups and downs but I survived and am a better person for it.
Marle- It wasn't long after I quit enabling and covering and providing for him that he figured it out. I know it was totally his decision and him being ready but I think that quitting enabling his use may have given him a tiny push in the right direction. Really, I don't care if standing on his head and spittin in a bucket was what made him realize that he was done, I'm just glad he realized it in time to salvage what was left of our marriage, cause there wasn't much left at that point and its been a lot of hard work to build it back up. It's still a work in progress.
Hangin- It is a great feeling to finally "get it". I'm not sure WHY I had it ingrained into me that what he was doing was okay or not that bad because it WAS bad and I didn't deserve to be treating myself the way I was. I'm still a work in progress and have a long way to go but I'm working!
Greet and Ann- Thank you. Alot of times when I was realllly struggling and realllly down I would come on here and find something that someone had written that would touch my heart and help me up out of the muck that day. I knew to always follow the directions of the ones who had been through it before and came out the other side but when you stuck between that rock and hard place, that's hard to do.
I think alot of people on here struggle because they AREN'T ready to leave their spouses yet and that was what I struggled with. I just wasn't ready to do it. So, to protect my own sanity, I had to learn to detach and still live with him and I did learn, with quite a few mistakes along the way and that was okay. As long as I didn't let those mistakes drag me back to the beginning and I just picked back up and carried on, I was Okay. I learned that detaching doesn't mean I didn't love him anymore or that I didn't want to be with him anymore. It meant growing up and learning to love him enough to allow him to live his life the way he chose.
I'll be honest, I still struggle some days. Some days you just get that 'what if' voice in the back of your head. I've just learned now to ask back, well, What If? I can't control the "what if". If he does it, he does it and I can't stop it but I have my tools to help me.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
(((Jwfe22)))
After reading this thread, I am going to have to pretty much redo my makeup! It's been quite a while since I have read about how Recovery has changed other's lives so deeply and beautifully.
Most of us know what the disease of addiction does to the addict/alcoholic as well as their families. We hear and read of the heartbreaking stories nearly every day. So it's even more special to read about how Recovery from this disease has changed lives for the better so drastically.
Thank you for putting such a warm and fuzzy feeling in my heart this morning. I have been in Recovery for 3 years and I know what my disease did to not only me, but my Family as well. And I'm living a whole new life of open communication, boundaries set and enforced and practicing honesty and open mindedness for the first time ever with my Family & Friends. No, unpleasant memories can never be erased, but forgiveness is possible.
Wish your Hubby a heartfelt congratulations from me and here's a hug of congrats to you for taking care of yourself during the end of your Hubby's addiction and on. I think it's important to share positive stories with others just as it is to share the pain that this disease causes.
Hugs & Smiles,
Judy
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