My husband is a addict in rehab

Old 08-05-2008, 06:03 PM
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Question My husband is a addict in rehab

Ok heres the deal. I have been with my husband for 9 yrs married 7 of them. We both smoked weed when we got together then pills became our thing. Over the years they turned into something to do from time to time with freinds for me. As for him for the last year they became his main focus in life. I really believe that I would have stopped completly a long time ago if it werent for him. When all the money was gone & he was sitting there slabbering on hisself I would get mad & decide I didnt have bill money so I might as well get a buzz to. In the last year he took out $16,000 in loans to support his habit & we have seperated & got back together several times. Since Feb he has lost 3 jobs & his truck got repowed. Anyway the last lie I caught him in was he had bought me jewelry (supppose to be a sign of better things for us) & a week later I found the reciept for the jewelry he lied by over $100 about how much it cost so he could have drug money. When I confronted him he packed up his stuff & said he wanted a divorce. After a few weeks of being seperated he ask if there was anything he could do to get to come home & I told him Marriage Counseling & rehab. He is in rehab as we speak he gets out Friday. We where supposed to start MC last week but he got in the program instead. I am done with the drugs & like I said before I know I would have stopped a llong time ago if it werent for getting so pissed at him.

Well thats my story heres my question. What can I do to help him be strong & overcome his addiction????????
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Old 08-05-2008, 06:22 PM
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Ann
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Welcome to SR, I'm glad you joined us.

It isn't going to be easy for either one of you to stay off the drugs and also try to repair the damage of the past at the same time, but if you both want it bad enough it can be done.

NA meetings come to mind, it sounds like they might help you both. You don't say how long you have been clean, but if you are secure in your non-using then maybe Naranon would help you deal with your issues while NA might help him with his.

Others will be along with support and to share what worked for them. In the meantime take a good read around and know you are among friends here.

Hugs
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Old 08-05-2008, 06:31 PM
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I have been clean for over a month. I am in no way trying to put any blame on him for my using I was only trying to tell my story as honestly as possable. I also know that I sound like a hypicrite for calling him an addict when I used to. This is why I feel him & I are differant. I have never put drugs before our family, our family has never had to do without because I wanted to get high & I never got wasted in front of our kids, I can say no & not do it if people are doing it right in front of me.
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Old 08-05-2008, 06:32 PM
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Here's a little tidbit of info

Halfbakedtiff, I am sorry to hear about your problems with your husband.
Here is something to think about, something that I have learned in my dealings with ex-AH and RAS, they have to want to get and stay clean on their own. In my experience, until they hit their bottom, whatever it is, there is nothing you can do except establish the limits you are willing to deal with and stick to them. Start going to meetings of Nar-anon and if he doesn't go to MC with you, go to counsiling on your own for your peace and healing of yourself. You, can only take care of you, they have to take care of themselves. That was the hardest thing I had to learn with my RAS. As a mother we are, by nature, tuned into taking care of our children. Anything that hurts them we are supposed to fix, but this is something that I couldn't do for him and that hurt so bad and made me feel quilty until I realized that the only way I could fix him was to fix me and let GOD take care of fixing him. That it was time to turn him over to a HP and so far that is what has worked, he went into treatment himself, has been clean now 80 days. He tried outpatient, but needed intensive inpatient and outpatient for him to do this.

So I guess what I am trying to say in my inadequate and long winded way is, you need to find a way to take care of and heal yourself and turn your AH over to a HP. Keep coming here, find a counselor, and find meetings to go to that will help you get to a better place yourself.

I will pray for you and send all the white light I can in your direction to help you get thru what you are going thru. Keep faith in yourself and the rest will work out.
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Old 08-05-2008, 06:33 PM
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Originally Posted by halfbakedtiff View Post
What can I do to help him be strong & overcome his addiction????????
The best thing to do right now is to work on yourself and get out of the way of his work.
It sounds like he's in detox, not rehab, so a program that he's willing to work would be what most advise, although some have been successful on their own.

Its a long hard road that doesn't have an end overnight. But its doable if the addict is willing.
I wish the both of you the best.
(((Hugs)))
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Old 08-06-2008, 08:01 AM
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halfbaked,

Others have said it and I agree, you need to heal yourself first and most importantly.

I feel that NA and Nar-Anon (or AlAnon) would help you. Who knows, you could go to NA with your husband?!?! It could be a great way to support his recovery and get something out of it yourself!

Set your boundaries on what is and is not acceptable behavior going forward and stick to them the best you can - it is progress, not perfection that we are striving for. Keep reading and rereading the other messages posted here, that has helped me.

Good luck to you and your family.
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Old 08-06-2008, 09:35 AM
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Rehab or Detox...?

"...he ask if there was anything he could do to get to come home & I told him Marriage Counseling & rehab. He is in rehab as we speak he gets out Friday. We where supposed to start MC last week but he got in the program instead..."

I know I'm probably reading this wrong, but it almost sounds like he's only been in 'rehab' (?) for a little over a week.....?.....and he gets out this Friday....? This sounds more like detox than rehab.....

All detox does is get the toxic substances (whether they be alcohol and/or drugs of whatever kind) out of the system......period; that's that.

Rehab is, kinda like it sound.....rehabiliting from the user a person was into a person who's whole w/o the drugs.....or at least it's a start..... (o:

You might want to check this out.....BEFORE the homecoming.....and no matter what your decision, there will always be folks here who are more than willing to help/support you..... (o:


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Old 08-06-2008, 09:47 AM
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Welcome!
Yup, it sounds like you are ready for a change. I agree with everyone here...
#1 He probably could use rehab after the detox. If he is not working, go in-patient
#2 You need to start recovering for your own sake. If you truly do not have a problem with drugs but used because he used, you are an extreme codie and could benefit from Nar-Anon or Al-anon.

And, you are in the right place. :ghug3
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Old 08-06-2008, 04:30 PM
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Originally Posted by halfbakedtiff View Post

Well thats my story heres my question. What can I do to help him be strong & overcome his addiction????????
I do not think there is anything you can do because you did not cause it, can't control it or cure it.
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