AD still out,don't know where?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 427
AD still out,don't know where?
I knew today wasn't going to work well. Hre friend was having a BBQ at 11 this morning and pool party,
These girls were all from rehab. Her curfew is midnight and I woke up at 2:59 and she wasn't home.
I had to star 69 a few numbers to get her but I did. She said she is at her friends house and there were proplems. She sounded like she was drinking.
I know the one girl she is with did crack. Said she would be home in awhile.
Of course I am sick inside. First because when she left, no number, nothing. But I knew I had them from star 69.
Firt big day out??????She had called earlier twice and sounded fine and then didn't come home at midnight.
Now I need a smoke. I am going down stairs and find a smoke.
These girls were all from rehab. Her curfew is midnight and I woke up at 2:59 and she wasn't home.
I had to star 69 a few numbers to get her but I did. She said she is at her friends house and there were proplems. She sounded like she was drinking.
I know the one girl she is with did crack. Said she would be home in awhile.
Of course I am sick inside. First because when she left, no number, nothing. But I knew I had them from star 69.
Firt big day out??????She had called earlier twice and sounded fine and then didn't come home at midnight.
Now I need a smoke. I am going down stairs and find a smoke.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 427
She walked in as I was walking out. She was drinking said no drugs but I don't know for sure except she is snippy to me. Now I see why halfway houses are suggested. Why fight the inevitable. One night, a call a phone number but nothing and now she has a attitiude. OMG......i am sorry
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
You are powerless and will drive yourself crazy trying to manage, supervise or get too close to her recovery. Watching her every move won't keep her sober but will give you anxiety.
It is tough having them at home w/o being sucked into codependency.
Work your own side of the street.
Best wishes as you plan what is best in your home.
It is tough having them at home w/o being sucked into codependency.
Work your own side of the street.
Best wishes as you plan what is best in your home.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
I am sorry that your daughter is not quite ready yet. But don't guilt yourself about the halfway house. My daughter spent 2 months in one and many people relapsed there and left in the short time she was there. A halfway house will work when the addict is ready. Meetings will work when the addict is ready. The important thing is to be willing to do whatever is necessary to not use. Staying away from wet faces and wet places. Nothing you could have said or done would have changed anything. I am saying this as much for me as for you since my daughter just came home yesterday. Recovery is hard work and the addict must do that work for himself/herself. We can't make them well and we can't make them use. But we can take care of ourselves. Hugs, Marle
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Beegee)))
Unfortunately, rehab/treatment gives us the tools for recovery, but it is up to us to learn how to USE them.
She has to do this for herself. All you can do is place boundaries and keep them.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Unfortunately, rehab/treatment gives us the tools for recovery, but it is up to us to learn how to USE them.
She has to do this for herself. All you can do is place boundaries and keep them.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Oh Beegee, BIG HUGH HUGS to you, Everyone is so right. My son will be 42 & has lost everything & still has not seen the light. It is ALL up to them all I can do is work my own recovery from co-dependency. His addiction & lifestyle are none of my business.
I know it is almost impossible to separate when they are living with you but you have to try for your own sanity.
Love,
Diane
I know it is almost impossible to separate when they are living with you but you have to try for your own sanity.
Love,
Diane
StrivingToThrive
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
((((BG)))))
I hate those tough nights.
Although I have the tools to avoid how those late night worries affect me it seems as a mom, I am always fighting my own relapse during those nights!
I went through something similar once and luckily someone posted good advice that took me away from my first instinct which was to make sure my AS understood what a major F*** Up this was for him.
It took all my strength to let him figure that out the next morning on his own. When he finally woke up that afternoon, he was waiting for me to start my lecture and I didn't. He was waiting for it. He couldn't stand the wait anymore and brought it up himself, so then I asked him how he felt about it instead of giving my " sage advice". Later that night he lectured himself a lot tougher than I would have.
It took away our normal path of me lecturing and his angry reply that gave him an avenue to get me in the blame and give him an excuse to be miserable.
Your daughter knows last night was a mistake for her recovery. What she chooses to do with that knowledge is up to her. Sometimes these relapses strengthen their resolve to get sober, sometimes not. But nothing you say will send her down either path.
Keep praying that she'll "Get It" and keep working on your recovery.
I hate those tough nights.
Although I have the tools to avoid how those late night worries affect me it seems as a mom, I am always fighting my own relapse during those nights!
I went through something similar once and luckily someone posted good advice that took me away from my first instinct which was to make sure my AS understood what a major F*** Up this was for him.
It took all my strength to let him figure that out the next morning on his own. When he finally woke up that afternoon, he was waiting for me to start my lecture and I didn't. He was waiting for it. He couldn't stand the wait anymore and brought it up himself, so then I asked him how he felt about it instead of giving my " sage advice". Later that night he lectured himself a lot tougher than I would have.
It took away our normal path of me lecturing and his angry reply that gave him an avenue to get me in the blame and give him an excuse to be miserable.
Your daughter knows last night was a mistake for her recovery. What she chooses to do with that knowledge is up to her. Sometimes these relapses strengthen their resolve to get sober, sometimes not. But nothing you say will send her down either path.
Keep praying that she'll "Get It" and keep working on your recovery.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 427
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and words of advice. Your all right of course and I don't want another night like that. I am to close to it.
This morning she explained she was wrong, she didn't do drugs, didn't want to do them. But she also didn't want to be around this one girl anymore either and it was sort of a learning experience for her she said. I said it is for me too but it very hard to not worry.
I told her she broke the time curfew for her and the next time she was out call no matter what time it is. The time was for my benifit. She apologised over and over, said she wants her recovery and not to hurt me anymore then she has. Her sister then spoke with her briefly also.
I am not trying to make light of this but tried to impress she is with the wrong girls and she agreed. So I took the keys away from her so she can't drive my car anymore. I told her I would take her and she could earn them back with time being on time. She said fine.
I told her I know she can take any path she wants and it doesn't matter where she is or with who or even what time it is, but as long as I am paying for her, she is living in my home she will abide by my rules. The choice is hers.
The next time is the halfway house learning process or not.
I hope I wasn't being to easy on her yet I feel I wasn't. She seemed to be apologetic (sincere) and this mornings explanation was at least something more then last night.
I know I am confused and maybe jumping when I shouldn't have or hovering when I shouldn't. But I didn't let it slide at least, and I am happy she won't be around that girl anylonger. And I can't wait for my meeting Monday night and hers Tue.
Geese I think this is harder then HS with teens..Ground em and thats it! Omg I think I need choclate!!!!:bounce I am just exhausted but glad your all here. Thanks again:ghug2
This morning she explained she was wrong, she didn't do drugs, didn't want to do them. But she also didn't want to be around this one girl anymore either and it was sort of a learning experience for her she said. I said it is for me too but it very hard to not worry.
I told her she broke the time curfew for her and the next time she was out call no matter what time it is. The time was for my benifit. She apologised over and over, said she wants her recovery and not to hurt me anymore then she has. Her sister then spoke with her briefly also.
I am not trying to make light of this but tried to impress she is with the wrong girls and she agreed. So I took the keys away from her so she can't drive my car anymore. I told her I would take her and she could earn them back with time being on time. She said fine.
I told her I know she can take any path she wants and it doesn't matter where she is or with who or even what time it is, but as long as I am paying for her, she is living in my home she will abide by my rules. The choice is hers.
The next time is the halfway house learning process or not.
I hope I wasn't being to easy on her yet I feel I wasn't. She seemed to be apologetic (sincere) and this mornings explanation was at least something more then last night.
I know I am confused and maybe jumping when I shouldn't have or hovering when I shouldn't. But I didn't let it slide at least, and I am happy she won't be around that girl anylonger. And I can't wait for my meeting Monday night and hers Tue.
Geese I think this is harder then HS with teens..Ground em and thats it! Omg I think I need choclate!!!!:bounce I am just exhausted but glad your all here. Thanks again:ghug2
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Boundaries are boundaries for a reason. It worked best for me to be consistent... and there was a time that my son had to leave my house because he couldn't function within the boundaries in my house.
This mom stuff is NOT for weenies!
This mom stuff is NOT for weenies!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
I hope it truly was a learning experience. She sounds like she hasn't really gotten it that alcohol is also a drug and not OK to use if you are an addict. good for you for taking back the car. Consequences are always good for addicts, and for you, too in order to keep your life manageable.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
My daughter has been in half way houses, sober living, religious based, nothing worked! I have learned in my group that rehab teaches and gets them days clean, the real work starts when they get out!
People can, and do, get sober every day!! Some do it w/ meetings, rehab, counseling, etc but ONLY WHEN THEY WANT IT BAD ENOUGH!!
Praying for you and your AD. I know your hurt, pain, and love! Keep the hope and faith, and coming back here!!
susan
People can, and do, get sober every day!! Some do it w/ meetings, rehab, counseling, etc but ONLY WHEN THEY WANT IT BAD ENOUGH!!
Praying for you and your AD. I know your hurt, pain, and love! Keep the hope and faith, and coming back here!!
susan
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