littlebird77

He was taking a 10:30 train to come over to talk. He hung up the phone and said he will see me soon. 2:42 and he is not here, no call nothing... I don't know where he is. I am so scared. I can't sleep. I am so very scared. I have no idea what is going on. The train stops in not the best of areas, and I am scared what might have happened. Maybe he is using drugs, maybe he was mugged. Maybe he used drugs and fell on the tracks... My mind is going crazy right now. I really need help. I think I should go to the hospital myself. I am so scared and alone right now. I feel my blood rising, I am so scared of getting a full blown panic attack. I am trying not to cry too much or I will loose it. I hate this so much.

Mavis

Take one gigantic deep breath littlebird. This is only your reaction. Take care of yourself right now and focus on your health. This stress is not good for you and it will catch up to you in the long run. Try your best to get some sleep tonight. You can't do anything anyways but worry yourself to death..

TTOSBT

I am so sorry that you are so worried and beside yourself. but please do not imagine the worst. Quite possible he never got on the train, went and got high and figures he will answer to you for not showing up tomorrow. Sad, but true. Take care of you.

itisatruth

Big "I've had nights like that" hugs to you -- sometimes I'd put my chair up to the front window and wait (for hours), so I could see any cars passing my house -- just in case. Then, I'd think.....what should I do now...call the hospital? Call the jail?? Call his work?? The "maybes" make me crazy!!!

Looking back now, I realize nothing I could have done made any difference......he made his choice and whatever happened was out of my control.....I am powerless over his addictions.

But while in those crazy times, the only thing that seemed to help was thinking about what I wanted. I pray tonight you can think more of what it is you need/want, instead of things out of your control, and get some rest....Trust me, I know it's not easy.....

Hugs, Rica

greeteachday

Prayers for youthat you have found comfort and are resting now. The worry and awfulizing does no good, but I know for me, I had to go through that pain in order to get to a place where I could trust that a power greater than I was in control and my projections just made me sick. I am so sorry; I too know that feeling. Many hugs

Chino

The only thing I can suggest is asking your HP to help ease your pain. I've gone to bed many nights saying a prayer and asking for help with sleep. Instead of counting sheep, I said the words over and over "please help me sleep" and only those words. No other thoughts, just concentrating on my HP helping me sleep. It always works.

My prayers are with you.

Done_With_It

I use to worry about everything all the time.... I finally learned that my worry was my misuse of my imagination.. all my what if's 99% of the time never came true. What did come true was one horrible ruptured bleeding ulcer from worrying about everyone else but myself....
I hope everything is okay, and I esp. hope you are feeling better...
I like how Greet said it,

We get there and learn in our own time. Much love and light to you.. :ghug3

krhea75

little bird,
are you okay this morning? I've also had bad nights like this, but I seem to be able to sleep anymore even when I don't know where my AS is. I think I've learned that he is quite capable of finding a soft space to land. Unfortunately it is sometimes with me.
Thinking of you and praying for you today.
krhea

littlebird77

Hello everyone... I just want to let you know I am doing better today. He came in at 3, said he missed the train. I asked him what train he took and it made sense. My only thing is that I allowed this to control me and take me over to to the point of anxiety. I am starting to understand the phrase, "let go and let God"... I really need to teach myself to take a step back. If he wants to relapse, then that is His choice and I really have nothing to do with that choice. I do however have a choice on how I can react, and this I need to change.... It is so easy to say... my grandma would tell me to smile, and maybe I could trick my body into thinking it was happy. I am going to try and do the same thing. I am going to tell myself that I have no control over anything that I can give to my Higher Power. I need to focus on myself, and trust myself and my Higher Power.... Good Night all... I believe your prayers are working to make me a stronger person.... Thank you again!

BBD

I am so glad that things worked out well for you littlebird. It's so terrible worrying and not knowing whats up at times. It took me so long to just "Let Go and Let God"....You will reach that point as so many of us have. Big hugs for a calm week. Bonnie