vent...
 

He took himself out of rehab last weekend early. Apparently there was a man who had AIDS in the facility, got very angry with another guy, cut his hand with a butter knife and tried to stick his hand in the other guys mouth... He said it was more like a jail then a rehab with all the fights... Honestly I could understand this... He went to a meeting right when he got out. I was so proud that day... a few days later and he had not gone to another meeting. He says he will when he feels better. I told him, going to meetings will make you feel better... I live in a city and he was playing handball in the park. He then tells me that there is no dope in my area, that all the kids are selling coke and pot now-a-days... I got so upset. Why is he talking to people about drugs? He tells me it's becasue that is all there is at the parks, a bunch of drug addicts... I told him that he is going to slip soon... No meetings, no sponsor, and now talking to drug dealers... It's just a matter of time... He went home to his mom's, and I asked for my keys back.... I just don't trust him.... I believe when he tells me he has not used. I really do.... Another thing that bothers me is that all he talks about is drugs, drugs and his addiction... I am tried of it. I tell him, I really don't want to hear so much talk about drugs, that is why he needs a sponsor and go to meetings. Talk to people who will listen.... He says I don't understand and that I walk around like I am better then him... He says I am not being supportive.

.... I am just so numb right now. He JUST got out of rehab, and I want to leave him. I don't think I can take another relapse... I was looking at pictures of myself a few years ago, and I looked so much better then I do now... My sick days from work are from when the building manager called me to tell me he was passed out on the stairs or when he is in the hospital from an OD... I never get a day off for me... No vacation, because he stole my money... nothing... my pain is not healing and I don't want to work this relationship out... I am so scared if I do, he will just relapse.... I am so independent... All I need is a man who will love me and love himself.

(((Littlebird)))

I don't think being supportive means you have to listen to him talk about drugs and dealers. I'm glad he's out of your house, and you got your key back. If anyone told me "there's no drugs around here" who was supposed to be in recovery....personally, I'd see it as a HUGE red flag.

Keep taking care of you and let him do what he's going to do.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

I just read your second post. You DON'T NEED a man....no matter how good they are for you. That's what kept me getting in bad relationships...thinking I needed a man.

I'm working on me, before I look for a man. Once I'm comfortable with me, then I can choose a man who will add to my life.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

You need to put yourself first for a change. Let him go do his thing and get help and take some time to care for yourself for a change. Check out this book: Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beaty, it's a good book. I am 3/4 of the way through it right now. It's an easy read and though I don't agree with all of it, a lot of it makes sense and has helped ease some of my pain. I got it on Amazon.com, someone mentioned it in another thread, and I am glad they did.

I am not sure about my relationship, but I am not scared. I laid down the ground rules and I am sticking to them. I have done all I could and more, now its time to take care of me, and if that mean walking away for a little while, so be it.

Sweetie you DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF POWER. Whether you stay or go, has nothing to do with if he relapses or not.

Whether you stay or go, has to do ONLY WITH YOU. Is this the life you want? Always worrying, always wondering has he? hasn't he? where did my money go this time? etc

Or do you want a life with some peace and serenity in it?

I have come to learn over the years we attract others to our INSIDES not our outsides, thus when I am unsure, not well emotionally and spiritually, that is what I attract............another one for me to be a codie with. HOWEVER, as I continue to work on me and only me, the type of folks I attract are also on a 'healing path', are kind, compassionate, and caring. That only happened as I got better.

I took my codism and turned it into an asset, changing professional fields totally after more schooling, started my own business with the encouragement of several local doctors of doing home care for the terminally ill and the totally incapacitated. That became an excellent outlet for my co dependent side in a very POSITIVE way. Before that, while still working in an office, I had already started visiting nursing homes, and finding out from the staff the names of the residents that no longer got visitor. Again a way for me to turn my codependence into an asset.

I found that NO ONE ELSE can fix me and I cannot FIX ANYONE ELSE. When I could finally accept that concept as an addendum to my Step 1, it did become easier to FOCUS MY EYES on ME and no one else in my life.

Amy said it loud and clear:

"KEEP TAKING CARE OF YOU AND LET HIM DO WHAT HE IS GOING TO DO." (Caps are mine for more emphasis, rofl)

Love and hugs,