Language of Letting Go - July 30 - Accepting Powerlessness
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - July 30 - Accepting Powerlessness
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Accepting Powerlessness
Since I've been a child, I've been in an antagonistic relationship with an important emotional part of myself: my feelings. I have consistently tried to ignore, repress, or force my feelings away. I have tried to create unnatural feelings or force away feelings that were present.
I've denied I was angry, when in fact I was furious. I have told myself there must be something wrong with me for feeling angry, when anger was a reasonable and logical response to the situation.
I have told myself things didn't hurt, when they hurt very much. I have told myself stories such as "That person didn't mean to hurt me." . . . "He or she doesn't know any better." . . . "I need to be more understanding." The problem was that I had already been too understanding of the other person and not understanding and compassionate enough with myself.
It has not just been the large feelings I have been at war with; I have been battling the whole emotional aspect of myself. I have tried to use spiritual energy, mental energy, and even physical exertion to not feel what I need to feel to be healthy and alive.
I didn't succeed at my attempts to control emotions. Emotional control has been a survival behavior for me. I can thank that behavior for helping me get through many years and situations where I didn't have any better options. But I have learned a healthier behavior - accepting my feelings.
We are meant to feel. Part of our dysfunction is trying to deny or change that. Part of our recovery means learning to go with the flow of what we're feeling and what our feelings are trying to tell us.
We are responsible for our behaviors, but we do not have to control our feelings. We can let them happen. We can learn to embrace, enjoy, and experience - feel - the emotional part of ourselves.
Today, I will stop trying to force and control my emotions. Instead, I will give power and freedom to the emotional part of myself.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Accepting Powerlessness
Since I've been a child, I've been in an antagonistic relationship with an important emotional part of myself: my feelings. I have consistently tried to ignore, repress, or force my feelings away. I have tried to create unnatural feelings or force away feelings that were present.
I've denied I was angry, when in fact I was furious. I have told myself there must be something wrong with me for feeling angry, when anger was a reasonable and logical response to the situation.
I have told myself things didn't hurt, when they hurt very much. I have told myself stories such as "That person didn't mean to hurt me." . . . "He or she doesn't know any better." . . . "I need to be more understanding." The problem was that I had already been too understanding of the other person and not understanding and compassionate enough with myself.
It has not just been the large feelings I have been at war with; I have been battling the whole emotional aspect of myself. I have tried to use spiritual energy, mental energy, and even physical exertion to not feel what I need to feel to be healthy and alive.
I didn't succeed at my attempts to control emotions. Emotional control has been a survival behavior for me. I can thank that behavior for helping me get through many years and situations where I didn't have any better options. But I have learned a healthier behavior - accepting my feelings.
We are meant to feel. Part of our dysfunction is trying to deny or change that. Part of our recovery means learning to go with the flow of what we're feeling and what our feelings are trying to tell us.
We are responsible for our behaviors, but we do not have to control our feelings. We can let them happen. We can learn to embrace, enjoy, and experience - feel - the emotional part of ourselves.
Today, I will stop trying to force and control my emotions. Instead, I will give power and freedom to the emotional part of myself.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I was raised stiff upper lip anglo...we never were allowed to show "too much" emotion...to be angry was to be out of control, to be too happy was to appear giddy...it was all about controlling our emotions. My mother meant well, but it left me unable to express my feelings for many years.
That was hard for an emotional little redhead called "me". I have always been an emotional person, passionate about what I love to do, easily knocked off balance by lack of approval or anger from others.
Recovery has taught me to express how I feel, that it is appropriate to have and express feelings, and that it's okay to get excited about life, laugh at myself, and shed a tear when I am sad or when something touches my heart.
Today I acknowledge my feelings, I let them tell me what I need to know, I am not afraid to laugh or cry or share my emotions, and most of all I am not afraid to appear "giddy"
Hugs
That was hard for an emotional little redhead called "me". I have always been an emotional person, passionate about what I love to do, easily knocked off balance by lack of approval or anger from others.
Recovery has taught me to express how I feel, that it is appropriate to have and express feelings, and that it's okay to get excited about life, laugh at myself, and shed a tear when I am sad or when something touches my heart.
Today I acknowledge my feelings, I let them tell me what I need to know, I am not afraid to laugh or cry or share my emotions, and most of all I am not afraid to appear "giddy"
Hugs
Just plainly tired
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: crossroads
Posts: 2,834
Wow Ann thats so true and thank you for sharing. I see myself in so many ways and feel like I have been in survival mode for a long time. I don't think I feel things the way it should be felt. Something more for me think about.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
This also really spoke to me today. I grew up feeling for everyone else and not giving myself ownership over my feelings.
My oldest son does the similar from time to time. A few months ago... he was offering up everyone else's feelings and not his own..... I stopped him dead in his tracks asking about HIS feelings..... I could tell that he was totally stumped. But since then.... he has been giving more power to them, but it is a struggle for him as well.
I am learning so much and providing my little boys the tools that will help them ..... I am so grateful.
My oldest son does the similar from time to time. A few months ago... he was offering up everyone else's feelings and not his own..... I stopped him dead in his tracks asking about HIS feelings..... I could tell that he was totally stumped. But since then.... he has been giving more power to them, but it is a struggle for him as well.
I am learning so much and providing my little boys the tools that will help them ..... I am so grateful.
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