Denoraphy

I read this on my 15 year olds myspace page this morning.

"Jul 24, 2008 4:39 PM
Subject: So....
Body: So this is what it came down to....

My parents are (according to my dad) getting a devorice. Which I think is total b.s.

but who the hell listens to a stupid kid, right?
But anyway, This has happened, and that has happened and my dad has been relying on drugs to make him happy and so....
My mom dosen't love him. I heard those words come out of her mouth.


"I have no love for you anymore" Exactly what she said.


So whatever.


They can do whatever they want. I just want to see pops happy again. My moms always picking on him for drinking. So what?! Let the man drink. His life is miserible. He works all day and then has to come home and listen to my brother whine and my mom bitch. He has nothing. Just let him drink. Its not hurting anyone.


And the same goes for his smoking. He stopped because she wanted him to. He didn't want to. He never bothered anyone with it.


I don't know what to think anymore. Everyone in this family is screwed up. All I can think is thank god I only have three more years in this hell hole. No one likes each other here.


Its stupid... "



My heart is breaking for her. It is a shame how he has manipulated her into thinking he is the victim.

But, what about me? Do I not have the same right for happiness as he does? Of course I do. But I can now see how my choice to stay in my marriage with my AH has messed up my kids.

Done_With_It

The way I see it is parents are parents, children are children.
She's now taking on the adult role in your "Fighting World"
a child trying to understand why her parents fight, hate each
other and then try and make sense of it, is never easy on the
kids either.
He may have manipulated her into thinking that. But
she hear You say this,
that is about both of you.
A child hears that from their parents and they take it to heart,
and according to studies, they believe the same thing about themselves.

You DO have the right to be happy, that is not what she is saying.
She's confused and trying to make sense of a world where she feels
no one likes each other.

If it were my child posting that stuff on my space, I would get her some
help, Talk to Her. She's already reaching out to who she feels is listening to her.

8

Just my 2 cents.....


:ghug

mikeb

My prayers are deff with you and your kids, I read that and just can almost hear my little boys voice when is a bit older if things dont change and all I can do is work on changing those things in me that will make them better....

Its hard, its not easy, its sad, its painful and the decisions we make to get through each day usually go against everything we believe.....

:ghug2

Denoraphy

I wondered about her posting that on her myspace knowing full well that I am on her friends list and can view anything she posts.

I definitely agree that she needs someone in the professional field to help her sort this out.

She did tell me that she heard me say that I do not love him anymore. I was sorry that she had to over hear that and I did tell her that it in no way has anything to do with her and I would always love her. I guess thinking about it now, in her mind she is thinking that if I could stop loving him, maybe I could stop loving her too. So sad...

Done_With_It

Yup, that was my biggest fear. My parents fought way to much.

I'm not close to my Dad so much, we are working on our relationship
per say.... My Mom hates him...
I'm an adult now, and my Dad has hurt me more than anyone else in
my life, BUT,,,, I still HATE it when my Mom talks bad about him.
And my Dad, well he doesn't get to talk bad about my Mom....

We are a product of both our parents, I think parents forget that.....


I think if she knew you were going to read her mysepace then
she wrote what she did for a 'reason'...


8

imallright

I can relate. It is so tough on the kids. They truly don't understand what damage addiction causes in a family. If it's all they have ever known, they don't think there is anything wrong with the picture. She loves her Dad and she loves you. Could be that she feels the need to protect Dad. Dad needs to let her know that it's not her job to protect him... and unfortunately, he, like my AH, probably won't understand a darn thing about what you are trying to tell him. If you can get her to talk to someone... counselor, Al-ateen.... that would be great.

My daughter is about the same age and she's having a hard time, but every day things seem to get a bit better. Keep telling her you love her and keep providing her with stability... best wishes, I will keep you in my thoughts.

Denoraphy

Yeah, doubt that would happen, he seems to be proud that she is on 'his side'.

Excellent advice, thanks for the reminder. Sometimes it is hard to get over the hurt feelings of how unfair it feels and remember that she is my child and I love her dearly and that she counts on my stability.

greeteachday

I'm sorry you are hurting. Teen years are difficult without addiction in the family or marital problems. Adding that to the mix must make it puzzling and painful for all of you.
As hard as it is to read what your daughter wrote, I don't believe she really is taking "his" side. I think thoughtful teens tend to identify with the person they perceive as the underdog. Sadly, your husband is that person since he is stuck in his addiction.

There is some great advice here...I just wanted to add some hugs. I know in time, with your love and some counseling too if you feel it is appropriate, your daughter will work through her pain.

imallright

It does feel so unfair. You are the strong one. You are well. You love your daughter so much that you made a tough decision to keep her safe and what... she is feeling bad for Dad and what about you... right?!?!?! I understand, but remember that she does love you and just keep being your same, strong self. She will start to see that it's ok to love you both and that addiction is not ok.

I pray for this everyday, because I know I am right in this thought process. Stay strong and savor the good moments.