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Caught my 11yo shoplifting

Old 07-28-2008, 03:11 PM
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Caught my 11yo shoplifting

It was 2 weeks ago saturday. I let my 14 and 11 yo girls go with 4 other older friends to Six Flags. We gave them $40 each and would pick them up later. My oldest and my neighbor girl were riding rides like they should have been. They trusted my youngst daughter kelsey and her frind with two of the older girls. They 2 older teenagers told the younger two they were gonna go jack some stuff. So they thought it would be cool and not get caught. But they did get caught and called the parents. We were escorted in and out. We had to sign paperwork and pay a fine of $100 for each kid involved. They are banned for a year and a day. I was so mad I wanted to take her to juvinile hall to sit for a couple days to see what would happen to her the next time. Six Flags didnt want to press charges. So her summer is now over. NO more swimming, spending the night at friends, nothing. She is grounded till school starts. She will be working around the house and for her gramma and doing community service where ever I can find for her. She wants to steal then she can learn what it takes to earn money for things she wants to steal and pay me back what it cost mne in gas, the money I gave her to go and the $100 fine I had to pay. She owes me about $200. Its been 2 weeks now and my blood still boils just thinking about it. Ive been to jail. I know what its like. I thought she would have learned from me.

I am truely dissapointed in her. She lacks for nothing. I cant understand why she did this. She also got caught stealing my cigarettes and she was sneaking out of my house to go with my neighbor girls down to the lake below my house. I learned all this in just 2 days. The 2 older girls she was with have been banned from my house. I thought having them around my family and kids would give them a good example. We loved them and would do anything for them as if they were our own.

Anyone have any suggestions on what more I can do?
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Old 07-28-2008, 03:47 PM
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GwenMarie -- Hope you're feeling better. Have you had a discussion with your daughter about why she did it? I ask because maybe its a good time to discuss peer pressure and how it is important to be able to say no to things when she knows its wrong. I'm not blaming the other girls (I don't know if they pressured her at all). But if your daughter did it to look "cooler" (or whatever the current word is) in their eyes, this would be a good time to talk about it -especially since she is coming up on the teenage years. Sending hugs, all kids make mistakes, the important part is they learn from them.
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Old 07-28-2008, 03:47 PM
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When I was young I hung around some older girls. I wanted them to like me and so when they stole some lipstick, so did I. We did not get caught but the bad feelings that I had about doing it were enough to not make me do it again. Your daughter has probably learned her lesson and your disappointment with her may be the deterent that she needs not to do it again. Hugs, Marle
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Old 07-28-2008, 03:54 PM
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I would be worried about the fact that she's smoking at 11. Can you take her to lunch and have a heart to heart with her about what is going on in her life right now? She's starting off on a tough path. I was shoplifting & stealing my mom's cigs at 11 and drinking black velvet & smoking pot by the time I was 13, and running away from home constantly. By the time I was 18 I was using acid every weekend and doing cocaine with the boys. I made up some bull crap to tell my mom but I think what really would have helped is a friend to talk to about how bad I hated myself at that age and how unhappy I was. I was being unloveable because I didn't love myself. I wish my mom would have taken us to family counseling or something at the time. Counseling for both of us - not just as a punishment for me. Our family was really dysfunctional. My father was an alcoholic and I didn't know it. My mom was miserable. Our family was full of dirty secrets but all I knew was that I was unhappy and that acting out made me feel more in control of my life.
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Old 07-28-2008, 03:59 PM
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I so glad I posted this here. I didnt even think to talk to her about peer pressure. I did ask why she did it and all she could do was shrug her shoulders. I think what made me the maddest waswhen we were driving home and she made a snide remark about how long her dad was gonna hold this over her head when he got out to get gas in the truck. If I could have reach back that far I would have slapped her. We just went though the dissappointment and embarrasement of going to pick her up and not an ounce of remorse. The funny thing about all this is that she thought her dad was gonna be harder on her than me. She never dreamed I would be the hard one on this. Let me assure you she will definitely think twice the next time from all the cleaning and community service she is doing. She earns $5 for every nhard thing she does and she owes me $200. Shes outside right now cutting weeds out of the flower beds with sissors. Then she can mop and do 2 loads of laundry. Im already working on a list of things for her tomarrow.
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Old 07-28-2008, 04:06 PM
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Oh and I did go to church this weekend with her and I did ask about the pastor giving her some counseling. Not as punishment but maybe someone to understand her better. My anger is getting in the way right now to understand much of anything from her.
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Old 07-28-2008, 04:23 PM
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I think you have handled things very well. She will think twice next time. I don't really think she was expressing 'no remorse' in the comment about her dad holding it over her, it sounds like she wanted to say something 'tough' to save face you know, that she's tough.
I also really commend you for recognizing that your anger with what she did is bluring your vision right now and that a separate trusted adult might have clearer thoughts and counsel for her. Just try to remember that you are angry with what she did not who she is. Big hugs for you!!
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Old 07-29-2008, 08:59 AM
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Years ago I used todo undercover at a major store here. The hardest thing was grabbing the kids with the kids stealing because they suffered the fear of everything also. It seemed to be the thing for a lot of kids to try at least once but unfortunately they get caught and punished for that cheap thrill.
I think you did good with your girls but I agree, peer pressure when stealing is a big thing
and more then likely they won't try it again.
But I do hope your anger eases up a bit with them.Like everything almost kids have to try it themselves to learn. Mom telling them doesn't always get thru. And I used to tell my teens at the time I better not ever catch you stealing cause I won't come get you for that. They knew I meant it but they saw how close I was to it that year and when I arrested some of their friends they weren't toeager to explore that stealing field. And the friends, had plenty of money to buy. (That is sad but often the case)
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