New here (part 2)
 

But the fact that my training would lead me toward agencies that do law enforcement and that I might not be able to do a job due to husbands addiction had a pretty bad effect on my brain and I wound up screaming at him yesterday that once again he was going to mess up our family because he would not stop. I am the one who has the stable job and provides health insurance for our family. But also, our kids have issues and I should be home with them but DH keeps quitting jobs and has not been employed full-time for over 2 years.

I am at the point where I want to say--treatment or I want a divorce and there will be no going back this time. Your addiction may prevent me from getting a job and although leaving you would cause our children serious problems (they have attachment disorder)--better to do that and have it happen now and heal them than wait until you decide to introduce them to your world that will suck them into the same life you have forever. So short term pain for our kids or long term pain for our kids.

He said he would start going to NA--but I just am not sure I can take one more relapse. He has gotten violent toward me once when he was in a blackout from drinking (in front of our older son but he said he did not see it--only thing that prevented him from hitting me was me saying I would pick up the phone and call the police and would not bail him out).

OK, I guess that is enough. Sorry it is so long--been holding this stuff in too long.

No reason to be sorry that is what we are here for to help one another and if you want to let it out then you have come to a great place to do so! Feels better right? :)

What kind of plan have you made for yourself, for your children?

Being a child of many A's in my life-parents, siblings, boyfriends.....I finally realized after I failed relationship after relationship and not just with men-friends, co-workers- that it was time that I had a plan for me-I needed to find out why I could not focus on my own life, why I felt the way that I did-, always hurting, nasty, and always about ME why is he doing this to me? Why are they doing this to me?

I finally started going to Al-Anon and coming to SR and also allowing my HP into my life-then I realized that it was what I was doing! Not anyone else-I started to take the focus off others and place it on me.

I have days where I fall back but today I'm aware that I'm doing so-although it may take a few days to pick myself up I'm grateful that I can do so today!

It takes time-try to sit and journal everything out too-figure out what your plan is going to be for you and your children!

Hang in there :hug: