New here (part 1-sorry long)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
New here (part 1-sorry long)
Not sure what to post here and this is the first time I gone beyond talking to friends (who are not in the same boat as me). But I need to talk to someone who will not judge me as being an idiot for sticking around, not knowing if I should stick around, ...
My mom was an alcoholic and abusive (verbally) when I was a kid-I was fortunate enough to have a friend from 12 years old on who had parents who saw what was going on and unofficially adopted me weekends and for time periods during the summer so I escaped from my mom--I think it allowed me to see what a normal family is. I still had all the bad habits of someone who has lived in a family with substance abuse. Married an alcoholic and got divorced 1 1/2 years later. Started therapy and group therapy to get my life back together because I was making bad decisions in relationships. During that time I met my current husband and was dumb enough to marry him even though I knew he drank and smoked MJ. Cancelled the wedding and he promised he would stop. A close friend was confused about why I was cancelling the wedding (but was also husband's boss and I did not feel I could say--well, he’s an addict for fear he would lose his job). Husband got straight-lasted about 6 months. He has been sober on and off. Went to treatment once when I said treatment or divorce.
Since treatment we have 2 kids (adopted 4 years apart) and it has been a yo yo existence. Older DS is starting to ask why people get drunk or take drugs and if it is OK and I have told him--no, it is not. What spurred me to finally do something for my own sanity is hearing him ask that questions and a bad job situation. I am currently in a job I do not like--due to budget. I applied for a job in a law enforcement agency and have an interview--then thought--I can't do this job--I have illegal activity going on in my own house. Later found out that I would not be law enforcement and the extensive criminal background check would be on me.
My mom was an alcoholic and abusive (verbally) when I was a kid-I was fortunate enough to have a friend from 12 years old on who had parents who saw what was going on and unofficially adopted me weekends and for time periods during the summer so I escaped from my mom--I think it allowed me to see what a normal family is. I still had all the bad habits of someone who has lived in a family with substance abuse. Married an alcoholic and got divorced 1 1/2 years later. Started therapy and group therapy to get my life back together because I was making bad decisions in relationships. During that time I met my current husband and was dumb enough to marry him even though I knew he drank and smoked MJ. Cancelled the wedding and he promised he would stop. A close friend was confused about why I was cancelling the wedding (but was also husband's boss and I did not feel I could say--well, he’s an addict for fear he would lose his job). Husband got straight-lasted about 6 months. He has been sober on and off. Went to treatment once when I said treatment or divorce.
Since treatment we have 2 kids (adopted 4 years apart) and it has been a yo yo existence. Older DS is starting to ask why people get drunk or take drugs and if it is OK and I have told him--no, it is not. What spurred me to finally do something for my own sanity is hearing him ask that questions and a bad job situation. I am currently in a job I do not like--due to budget. I applied for a job in a law enforcement agency and have an interview--then thought--I can't do this job--I have illegal activity going on in my own house. Later found out that I would not be law enforcement and the extensive criminal background check would be on me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Welcome to SR.
You've come to the right place for support, there are lots of people here who care. While you wait for replies you might want to take a look at the sticky threads for some additional help.
You've come to the right place for support, there are lots of people here who care. While you wait for replies you might want to take a look at the sticky threads for some additional help.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Welcome to SR! Glad that you found us-
Sorry that you are struggle-Please know that no one is here
to judge anyone only to share our own experience, strenght & hope....
When we see what others have gone through before and behind us
we gain knowledge on how to go after what we want in our own lives.
Be gentle with yourself it takes time-When the time is right for you it will be...no one can tell you otherwise to stick around or not.
Please keep posting you are not alone-
Sorry that you are struggle-Please know that no one is here
to judge anyone only to share our own experience, strenght & hope....
When we see what others have gone through before and behind us
we gain knowledge on how to go after what we want in our own lives.
Be gentle with yourself it takes time-When the time is right for you it will be...no one can tell you otherwise to stick around or not.
Please keep posting you are not alone-
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Welcome, I'm sorry you are going throguh this but you are not alone. There are great people here who understand what you are going through - It's hard for those who have no been impacted by addiction to understand.
I'd encourage you to read lots of threads and also see if you can find an Alanon or Naranon meeting The in person support is awesome.
I remember when I first came here. The thing that helped me immediatley was being able to share my thoughts without being judged. That in and of itself took such a weight off my shoulders. Hugs
I'd encourage you to read lots of threads and also see if you can find an Alanon or Naranon meeting The in person support is awesome.
I remember when I first came here. The thing that helped me immediatley was being able to share my thoughts without being judged. That in and of itself took such a weight off my shoulders. Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Fort Wayne IN
Posts: 284
Glad you posted. You have a lot going on but one step at a time. I have found a lot of support here and I have not been posting very long. This is the one true place I have found that I am not judged. Hope you keep posting and update on your progress.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 494
I hear you on the Yo-Yo thing. I grew up in a stable environment, but this relationship I am in now is rocking my world (and not in a good way at all). It's the pits. I have found a lot of good info here which is helping me deal, and see new perspectives. There are some real good links in the Alcohol section too. Good luck with the job!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 718
welcome. You have come to a wonderful place for support and to learn that you are not alone. When I first found this site, I couldn't believe the outpouring of wisdom and strength that helped me to stay afloat and sane. You have made a huge step simply by posting and looking for support. Good for you! Take it slowly and be kind to yourself. Read, read, read and keep coming back. You deserve the same type of kindness and support that everyone here afforded me and many others.
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