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marle 07-23-2008 03:07 PM

Time for another parent check-in
I think it is time for another parent check-in. It has been a while and I have not seen some of our parents for a while. My daughter will have 60 days clean on Friday. She is still in the halfway house, comes home on weekends and seems to be working her program. I am nervous about her coming home but I will just take it as it comes. Hugs, Marle

rozied 07-23-2008 03:32 PM

Oh Marle I am so happy your daughter has made 60 days clean. I will keep her in my prayers that her recovery lasts & lasts one day at a time.
My son is bk in jail. From what I hear he may have to stay another 17mts until his sentence maxes out. They did give him a chance. They ok'd his parole for Sept 10th & sent him to wk release on June 27th. He had a fight with a co-wker after only 4 days on the job & was charged with Misconduct. That mandated him being sent bk to jail & it revoked his parole.

rahsue 07-23-2008 04:24 PM

Marle, such good news, and rozied, one of these days he'll be good, but for now at least he's clean.
My son is clean and sober 6 months this month, I am so at peace now, I still have a worry or two expecially if he misses a meeting, but Life Is Good.

Chino 07-23-2008 04:36 PM

As far as I know, my daughter is 60+ days clean but not sober so who knows what's next? I'm hands off and doing fine :)

peaceteach 07-23-2008 04:46 PM

Thanks, Marle, for the opportunity to participate :)
My son is still on suboxone for oxy addiction and wants to stay on it long term (?). He also has had some beers lately after being sober and clean from drugs for 3 months, and I'm kind of watching for a relapse, but it is his program, right? Like Rita says, "I have a no-no and will use it."

BBD 07-23-2008 04:47 PM

Sounds like your all pretty lucky. Sober and clean kids. I'm worried about my son but thanks to all of you~~~I know what I have to do. Thanks~~and I'm guessing "No news is good news". Bonnie

painter 07-23-2008 06:25 PM

Have not heard from Ad for a month. Do not know if she is still using or where she is. She has not called about her children. But I do not have time to worry myself sick about her like I use to , to busy raising her two children.

BBD 07-23-2008 06:34 PM

Your a great Gramma Painter. Those kids are lucky to have you. I have grandkids also and I BET you are busy..Good luck and smiles, Bonnie

Ann 07-23-2008 06:41 PM

It's great to hear the good news here, and even news like Rozied's with her son in jail is good in its own way, he's safer there than most places he might be.

I haven't heard from my son in 4 years now, but each day I still give him to God to take care of and then live a good life knowing he's in good hands. Funny thing, this is the second week I have been in Toronto for a course (through work) and my lovely hotel room looks over one of the busiest streets in this city. I have watched the action, panhandlers, young kids making quick deals and a few hookers who are somebody's daughter/sister/loved one...and rather than upsetting me, it made me grateful to no longer live in that world. I pray that one day my son can return to mine, but I just cannot walk into hell anymore to try to save that which is not mine to save.

So, all in all, I am doing well. I love my life today, even with its element of pain, and although I wouldn't wish my life on anyone...I wouldn't trade a day of it either because I wouldn't be in the good place of light I am in today without having walked through the darkness first.

God bless the moms, and God bless the child.

Love you all :ghug

helpus 07-23-2008 06:45 PM

All in all things are well. RAD has more than 14 months clean. I am just so very sad about the breakup of her & her RAF. I didn't sleep last night, I couldn't turn off my mind. (some due to lovely hormones) She started moving her stuff back here today. I want to talk to her fiance to let him know he is still welcome at our house & we still love & care about him. But I figure being hormonal & sleep deprived isn't the time to do it. RAD is doing very well. She is actually at a meeting right now. Just so sad right now. I know her HP has a different plan, but dang it is hard when you get attached to these kids.

cece 07-23-2008 06:56 PM

hi everyone!
I cherish these check-ins so Thanks Marle.

Glad to see so many recovery-in-progress stories. It gives such hope and faith to so many.
Many of you who know my story know I was having a hysterectomy July 10 and my son wanted to come down and stay and help. ( I felt there is a second motive). And I was struggling with the decision.
Well my hysterectomy was hard. Having a tough recovery for the first two weeks but can now see the light of recovery!.

But my AS did come down and has been a blessing. He has been taking good care of me. Never letting me do anything and taking care of the household. I'm not totally surprised as he has a very sweet nature when sober and can do anything for a short time. His other motive was to attend a Drug and Alcohol screening down here as a term of his Oregon Probation and then follow up on any recommendations. I am playing it day by day and he knows it. I have been up front that I will not take any behavior that causes me any stress right now. ( I shouldn't at anytime but especially now!).
He has been free from coke and Heroin for over a year but still smokes pot and drinks occasionally. He does neither of those while here. ( Like I said he can do anything for a short time.)
He tributes his recovery from cocaine and Heroin to his new found beliefs in his God. He believes his body is a temple and those drugs kill his temple so he doesn't feel the need to do them anymore. He is all about eating a healthy vegetarian diet. And shakes his head at my food choices but wisely keeps quiet. He still feels the need to smoke pot because it's a part of his religion. ( Rastafarian). Its not all bad and I am learning to accept this as a part of who he is right now. Although not the pot part. I still think he is addicted to it and using the religious aspect as a rationale. He is constantly reading and researching this. He checks out books constantly from the library. His beliefs are one of the reasons he needed to come down and take care of me, but I keep hoping his searches will lead him spiritually away from pot!
He is very spiritually at peace I must say, even if it is a little wacky to me(!) Jeez! Sigh.

If he follows his usual pattern, he'll get antsy soon so not so sure about his beginning, let alone finishing, that part of his probation down here. Although he went through all the trouble of getting permission from Oregon courts.

One day at a time here. Today he is being a blessing to me as I didn't realize how tough this recovery would be. So Today I am enjoying his peaceful, enlightened, loving, self.
Just for Today! right?!
( He does make yummy soups and sandwiches even if they don't have meat!)


helpus 07-23-2008 07:51 PM

Update, My RAD came home from her meeting & got a txt that one of her friends who has 18 months clean has been trying to get ahold of a dealer. My daughter is so tired after moving alot of her stuff here (the most she has done since her appendix was out a couple weeks ago) But she went to help. She grabed her work clothes for the morning & said she had to be there for Sarah, it's all parralell, & left. I'm proud she will be there.

Chino 07-23-2008 08:20 PM

peaceteach, you reminded me that my daughter was also on subs for three months, so she's not been actively using for over five months. Each day away from active addiction counts :)

lostparent 07-23-2008 08:44 PM

Still not sure if my daughter is an RAD or an AD. But she does at least for the moment have a job.Hasn't stole anything from us since getting out of jail. She also pays back any money she borrows. But on the other hand she is with a guy that she says is still using.
So I'm taking things one day at time.
On a happy note the baby is doing great an her big brother adores her.

Spiritual Seeker 07-23-2008 11:56 PM

It was time for a parent check-in, thanks for getting to it Marle.

I just returned from 3 fabulous weeks visiting my husband's family in Europe. I hooked up with a SR member while there. We are 60% into a home remodel, just coming into the exciting phase of of installing the selected materials.
I have two stepsons: the youngest one recently graduated college and the other one just got a college teaching position.

My son has completed the first 5 months at a year-long rehab. program. We'll return there for the second family week at the beginning of September. Today he is committed to staying for the duration. His weekly phone calls are a pleasure. I know he is struggling, but I admire his determination and endurance. Today he is recovering and appreciates the opportunity. Today I live without worry.

hope213 07-24-2008 04:08 AM

marle, thanks for the update. i am proud of your daughter & hope this is her time. everyday clean is a blessing. things here are the same. my a.s. is still in jail & still waiting trial in 3 counties. i will just be glad when this nightmare is over & we find out exactly how much time he will get. he seems to be accepting the blame for what he has done. other times it was always about blaming someone else. i say my prayers every morning & turn him over to my H.P. most days are good for me. i "accept the things i can not change." prayers for all of us.

Lobo 07-24-2008 05:23 AM

Hi Marle,
I haven't been around for a while. In between work I've been spending a lot of time at my summer place. No computer there, I've been staying away for a while because I just needed a break from anything to do with addiction.

As far as my daughter.....for now all is good. She hasn't used street drugs in almost a year. She had a fall at work a few months ago and fractured her tailbone. She was on vicodin for pain and had trouble getting off of them. She is now on a low dose of methodone and doing really well. I was not happy about it, but she is in charge of her own recovery. She is still working two jobs. Bought herself a car, pays her bills. Met a really nice guy. (no addicitons). She has shared her past with him and he seems to care for her in spite of that. She is a different person and I can see why he cares for her. I am really proud of her.

Her and I still struggle with the sexual abuse that she endured. She is still in therapy. I haven't been going but I know I need to get back into it.

I am so happy to hear that Megan is doing so well......that is a blessing.

pjbs55 07-24-2008 05:57 AM

Thanks Marle,
I'm glad to hear so much good news, and for the ones who are still dealing with and active addict, I'm sorry. Everyone seems to have a great recovery going.
As for me, it is 3 years this week that I had my RAS and his exagf move out.
I haven't heard from either, miss my son like h**l. I also turn him over to my HP/God everyday. I know he will be kept as safe as he can.
I am working on me, and feel very strong and happy. I can't believe I'm writing I'm happy now. Been to long.
I keep all of you in my prayers everyday. Love you all and thank you for all your support.

JMFburns 07-24-2008 06:17 AM

Thanks Marle
My 27 yr old AS stays w/old neighbors or friend of exgf - not too many friends left that will let him crash at their houses. Claims he works PT at a gas station, but seems to have too much money sometimes - scared that he might be dealing, I think that's what the friend of exgf does.
I spend some time here each day and go to one Naranon meeting and one Alanon meeting each week. Trying to work on myself - sometimes it's only 1/2 a step forward with 10 steps back (!) but I'm trying. The sharing here really helps me - a lady at my Naranon meeting paid for a copy of the Experience, Strength & Hope Naranon daily reading book & gave it to me. You people are all GREAT and the best FAMILY I could ever ask for.

caileesnana 07-24-2008 09:57 AM

Hi everyone!

Glad to hear we are all still around, a few missing but hopefully they'll check in soon.

I am doing OK. RAD is doing ok, attending IOP (finishes week 5 next week) then a step down program. The baby is due around end of Aug/Sept (depending on dates vs sonogram). After birth and recovery, she will attend parent/child development classes for 10 weeks. Prayerfully she will continue on the right path.

She is excited about the baby, and actually acts normal! She attends meetings and for the first in a long, long times looks to the future w/ normal hopes and wants. I know it is not over and will be hard, but for now she is trying.

My son doesn't talk bad to her, he even talked nice to her a few times. He will make a sarcastic comment to me, but at least treats her w/ respect. My granddaughter, sons child, is so happy she is about to pop. Kasey being back was great but the idea of her "little brother" (told her cousin, she won't have it) is almost more than she can handle. Kasey is grouchy, tired and at times short w/ her, but in the big picture this is normal and will pass.

I was able to get FMLA from work in order to get her to class in the mornings without being marked tardy at work so that makes it alot easier. She asked if I would be able to stay a few days at home after the birth "because I don't want to be here alone and do something wrong". I was thankful she asked ( I had already requested vacation time!!) as it made me feel good. She said she wants to be a mother like I am. THat made my day that for even that moment, she said said it and was sincere~!

Went back to court on Monday re: protection order. It is done for two years! He (drug dealer/BG??) has two felonies coming to court this month and this is striker 3 & 4. I hope to never see him again. I pray for him as noone deserves that life, but .......

Love and peace to you all. Think of you all and read/check in alot just haven't had time to sit and write. THanks for the PM's and prayers!!


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