Release with Love
 

From Sharing Experience Strength & Hope in Nar-Anon
July 23

The addict in my life called and asked for a ride. I told her that I had an appointment and did not have the time. She asked if I could drop her off, and I agreed. When I saw my addicted loved one, I was immediately worried and I asked her if she ever thought about going to rehab - to which she replied, "No, I never do!" Okay, I had a slip, but instead of arguing I remembered my program and that her recovery is not my business.

However, this little display of concern seemed to make her panic. When I turned left instead of right, I reminded her that I had an appointment and she asked me to drop her off - not drop her off and take her back. She apologized and said she forgot. I wanted to scream "Forgot! I spoke to you less than ten minutes ago on the phone and you forgot!" I wanted to tell her how the drugs are really having an effect on her - and not a good one! Instead I dropped her off and went on to my appointment.

While driving I began to think about how I would have reacted before I sought help in Nar-Anon. The addict is my drug. I needed to be helping her to make me feel better, when in fact it never does. Actually, I am destroying our relationship and hurting myself with my obsession to help. Just like an addict who takes drugs to feel, the more I help, the more harm I do.

Thought for Today: I realize that my need to control the addict is my drug. Before Nar-Anon, this drug was killing me, but thanks to my program, I now can detach and release her with love, and for today, that is enough.

"Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires." ~ Nar-Anon Blue Booklet

Wow
 

Wow, those are really moving words. Thank you for sharing your story. I fell in love with someone who I did not know was an addict. The more I fell in love with him, the more I found out. He "used" to be an addict and then went into rehab and came out taking suboxone. Well, the more and more I research, the more I know he still is an addict. :(
He is also a suicidal addict. He says he wants to be off the sub but he can't handle ANY withdrawls. Sometimes he runs out early and uses in between scripts. My eyes are wide open now. All the lies, the hiding, the depression, the moodiness. The man I fell in love with is no where to be found. He throws me a crumb every now and again and I cling to it for dear life.
I believe I have truly stared the devil in the eyes and it scared me but mostly, it made me sad to know how great he is and to know there is nothing I can do but sit back and watch him kill himself slowly.

fndngserenity,

This is a reading from the Nar-Anon literature book - Sharing Experience, Strength and Hope (one of the daily meditation books)

This and the Al-Anon books have been great in helping me learn how to recovery from how I have been affected by several alcoholics/addicts in my life (brother, husband, daughter, etc.)

I see that you are fairly new to our site - Welcome and please,please keep coming back and reaching out for help. That is a brave thing to do and the best thing that you can do for you and for your loved ones.

Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita

Thanks for sharing that! I have the al anon books but not that one yet. I am new (like 2 weeks in) to this forum and al anon/nar anon. I have already found a tremendous support system. It is helping me to work on releasing. I still get caught up in the manipulation and controlling, but at least now I know that what i'm doing isn't helping and is hurting me. Now just to work on how to change the behavior!! but even with only 2 weeks, i can see that these meetings are very important for ME, the person I neglected!

Don't feel bad lizakc~~~It took me quite a while to have things like codependancy~~~enabling~~~sink in. You sound like your on the right track so welcome to the group. Smiles, Bonnie

There is something you can do for your loved one without hurting yourself............pray & ask The Lord to deliver them. Pray they get to the point where they are praying to be delivered. Deliverance is something we cannot do for ourselves. We must ask & then wait on The Lord, it will be in God's Time not ours.
Praying for yourself & asking is necessary before God can deliever us no matter who else is praying for us. It is btw God & you.