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I am new to this. I have found myself in a situation that I dont know how to deal with. My husband and I have been together for 8 years and he is an addict. looking back on it I guess he always has been. coke was his first drug of choice. He stopped that only to go to a doctor and convince him that he had add and needed adderall. Me being stupid I guess assumed that this was ok cause his dr gave it to him. Months have gone by and he has gotten more grouchy and would stay up all night sometimes. I finnally confronted him a few months ago after counting his meds and they were all gone two weeks early. He swore to me he would take it as prescribed so blindly I agreed only to find once again meds were short again his script of 90 was down to 39 in five days. When I confronted him he said it was his med and he should be able to take it like he wanted. After him throwing something across the floor I made him leave. He has now decided that I was trying to control him and wants a divorce. I am devasteded. I think I did the right thing but its hard to convince myself of this as I sit here crying and missing him.

Does the pain ever go away?

Welcome to SR Dreamer, I'm sorry for your pain but glad you found us.

Sadly, active addicts behave badly, they lie, turn things around to make it anyone's fault but theirs, and they simply get lost in their disease of addiction.

Whether to stay or try to mend things, or to leave, is entirely up to you. We can't decide that for you. Throwing things is not a good sign though and if abuse of any kind follows, it should not be tolerated because abuse escalates along with the drug use and it's a dangerous situation to remain in.

What has helped me, was going to meeting and learning to work a program that helped me find peace and happiness in my life...regardless of how my addict (my son) was doing. If there are any Alanon, Naranon or CoDA meetings in your area, you might want to try some.

And take a good read around here. It will help you see the enormity of addiction and how much it affects each of us.

You are among friends here who understand your pain and who will walk with you as you figure out what you need to do to help yourself.

Hugs

The Pain Stops: when you stop looking at the person you love as the person you love, and you begin to see them, not as a partner, a lover, or a best friend, but as a human being with the strengths and weaknesses and even the core of a child.

The Pain Stops: when you begin to accept that what you would do in a circumstance is not what they would do, and that no matter how much you try, they have to learn their own lessons, and they have to touch the stove when it's hot, just as you did, to learn that it is much better when it is cold.

The Pain Stops: when your longing for them gets slowly replaced by a desire to get away, when making love to them no longer makes you feel cherished, when you find yourself tired of waiting for the moments where the good will truly outweigh the bad, and when at the end of the day you can't count on their arms for comfort.

The Pain Stops: when you start to look inward and decide whether their presence is a gift or a curse, and whether when you need them, they cause more heartache than bliss.

The Pain Stops: when you realize that you deserve more than they offer and stop blaming them for being less than you wish. When the smile of a stranger seems more inviting and kind, and you remember what it's like to feel beautiful, and you remember how long it has been since your lover whispered something in your ear that only the two of you would know.

The Pain Stops: when you forgive them for their faults and forgive yourself for staying so long. When you know that you tried harder than you ever tried before, and you know in your heart that love should not be so much work.

The Pain Stops: when you start to look in the mirror and like who you see, and know that leaving them or losing them is no reflection of your beauty or your worth.

The Pain Stops: when the promise of a new tomorrow is just enough to start replacing the emptiness in your heart, and you start dreaming again of who you used to be and who you will become.

The Pain Stops: when you say goodbye to what never really was, and accept that somewhere in the fog you may or may not have been loved back. And you promise yourself never again to lay in arms that don't know how to cherish the kindness in your heart.


The Pain Stops: When you are ready.
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thank you so much. I hope to start feeling whole again.

Welcome to SoberRecovery :)

That was a great read but when does the pain stop if its your child that is the addict?? Smiles, Bonnie

Welcome! I too am asking if you've read the stickies at the top.

My personal experience. I finally found out about my AH's addiction after asking for a divorce. It all makes "sense" now - such as it is. But, bottom line, good for you! it's so hard, heartwrenching, etc. But you need to do what you can do for yourself right now. It's the only thing that will help. Not necessarily force the addict to admit or get help, but certainly a step closer to his bottom for help. It's what needs to be done.

I'm sorry you're hurting and missing him - you are so strong! Hope you stick around!

Lots of hugs (((hugs)))

My son has taught me a much needed lesson: the pain stops when us parents die. Unless we decide to stick around in the afterlife and watch over them.

My son isn't an addict, but he hurts like everyone. When he's hurting it hurts me too. A few years ago, when I watched him crawling on the floor after herniating a disc, fighting back tears, I had to fight them too.

I hurt with my son just as much as my daughter. The difference is, I never obsessed over him. The pain never goes away, we just learn to handle it better.

welcome to S.R. i am glad you ar here. there is alot to read, alot to learn. pull up your chair & make yourself comfortable.prayers,