MAGGIE143

I have so much heartache, I don't know where to start or what to say. I am a mother of a 34 yr old son, who is addicted to Vicodin. I just happened on this site, when I was trying to find meetings in my area to go to... for this. I would appreciate any kind of feedback from anyone. It goes much farther that just the addiction.... and I am so lost.... thank you. Maggie143

imallright

Maggie... welcome. I am sorry you are feeling such pain, but know that there are many who understand your pain and that they will be along to lend support. My addict is my soon to be ex-husband. But, no matter who it is in your life, the pain is very real and similar. Know that you have done a great thing by looking for support. All you can do is take care of you. You can't control your son's behavior. You didn't make him use, you can't make him stop. BUT... you can focus on how you will take care of you and how you will react/respond to the situation.

Keep coming back here and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Meetings are great idea and a wonderful step forward. Look for Naranon or Al-anon (lots of times there are not Nar-anon meetings as readily available). You are taking wonderful steps towards sanity and survival.... good for you!

HUGS

rozied

Dear Maggie, My 41 yr old son is addicted to coke & I know what you are saying when you say it goes far beyond the addiction. This is a great place for support. Keep coming back.
Love,
Diane

MAGGIE143

Thank you allright........ hopefully I will be able to say that soon. I just kicked my son out..... he had been living with me, since he lost his job, house and his baby's mother. I am single and own a house, but really hard for me just to hold "my" own, financially. My grandaughter is 1 yrs old and she was at my house everynite while her mama worked and everyother weekend. I miss her so much. and I'm so glad that she doesn't really know yet what's going on. My son is a great father.......... and it kills me... (tear)

he has stolen from me, my dad, his sister.. pills and money. We had an intervention with about 20 people.. but went to rehab and walked away. He says he off, but never really was.....it's just been awful. and to put him out with no place to go.

I can't write anymore right now.... i'm too distraught.... thank you for responding and I will continue to read this site and find a meeting.......

bless you so much.

marle

Sending you some hugs and a welcome. My daughter, 22, is my addict. She started with pills and then on to heroin. By her willingness and the Grace of God she is clean and working a program today. But it took a lot of pain and heartache for me to let go and for her to reach her bottom. There is hope but they have to want it. What is more important there is hope for you. Stick around and read, find some meetings and you will be better able to handle whatever is thrown your way. Hugs, Marle

beegee

Hi Maggie,
Welcome to you, there is so much help here all you have to do is read the posts, the stickies and when your ready write your heart out.
My adult daughter (AD) is hooked on coke and I found this place also looking for Naranon meetings. Now I go to the meetings and come here. My ad is in rehab for the first time so I am trying to prepare for her return and not enable her.
I know you sound like your in a lot of pain. There isn't anything like finding out your kid is addicted and stealing from you. There just is pain and then more pain. So keep reading and post when your up to it. There is so much help here and experience your in good hands.

BBD

Hi Maggie, I can feel the pain in your words. My son (32) is the addict in our life. He has been through rehab but I'm almost sure he is back into addiction. I can't say for sure because he has moved an hour away and doesn't have much contact. I can say that you have probably done the right thing and I know how hard that is.....we do love our kids and want them healthy. I'm sending hugs and a ton of positive energy your way. Please focus on yourself. There's is absolutely nothing you can do to make him clean until he wants that. I have been battling this for years and have paid way too many bills and enabled way tooo much. I know now we do have to stand back and only support their getting better~~~~not the addiction!! Big hugs, Bonnie

Hangin' In

Hey Maggie,

Another mom of a RAD here. I'm so glad you've found this site. There is great wisdom regarding recovery here and the people are so supportive, so I hope you'll stick around. Read, read, read the threads and post when necessary. There are no dumb questions, so if you need to ask, ask.

One of the best things I've learned through recovery (I go to 2 Al Anon meetings a week and use this board in between) is the 3 C's: I didn't CAUSE it, I can't CURE it, and I can't CONTROL it. Those 3 things relieved me of a lot of guilt.

I also learned about how I thought my "helping" was really enabling. I had to stick around a while to learn the difference but, boy, when I got it, it really helped to turn my life around for the better. I could get rid of some of the anger and resentment I had been carrying.

And my AD will tell you that she is so glad I've sought recovery for myself. I now try to let her live her life while I tend to my own business. My HP has shown me there are lots of things in me that I need to change. And if I get out of the way, my AD's higher power can get to her and help her change her life, also.

Again, welcome. I hope to see you around some more. There IS hope, Maggie, for you and your son. Hang in there. And try to find a meeting in your area.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

taintedlove

dear maggie,
know that here you are not alone and that there are lots of people sharing your exact same story... i am ver sorry for your son and i wish him to heal..
i will ask you to take care of yourself and not putting all the blame on you for kicking him outside the house, you seem a good parent and he caused this misery not you.
i wish your grand daughter a healthy and long successful life.
this site will do u a big help and offer your amazing advices and hopefully a sense of relief
know that we lend you a hand of support and a shoulder to lean on
bless you

rivka

Maggie,
Though my addict is not my child, I and so many others can identify with your feelings of being lost and what I call "swirling" in emotion, unable to think straight.
I still need help coping, but this SR site "family" has helped me to learn how to redirect my feelings and focus while providing lots of (((hugs))) to get through each day.
Please come back daily, if not more.

Everyone is here for you.
Blessings to you and your family.
(((Maggie)))



Rivka

katie44

Welcome Maggie, I am the mother of a 21 year old AS addicted to crack. You are in the right place. There are many people that understand your pain here. There is nothing you can do to help him, until he is ready to get clean. There are things you can do to help yourself. ((((( hugs)))))

rozied

Dear Maggie, My son is the addict in my life & I know the pain of loving a child & doing anything & everything you can possibly do for them and then they wind up like ours have. It hurts & all the things you thought you were doing to help turned out to be enabling.
Here we learn not to " help " but to let them find their own way.

sleepygoat

We also kicked our addict daughter (19) out after stealing. Well, after one written warning stating we would do that if she stole again. she did and we did - but she still hated us for a while for that. that's the addict stuff - they rationalize the consequences of their own behavior and blame....us!! But 2 years later, I can only say I am coping better with the pain, the fear, and the reality. Am able to put more focus on myself and able to have a whole entire good day sometimes. I haven't been able to change my daughter although I have tried yelling, reasoning, forcing consequences, enabling, not enabling, prayer.... She is still using drugs - but that is her disease and you already know the 3 C's. I still prayer for her and for me because I know my higher power is a greater than me, her, and this disease of addiction. It's a long, hard road being a member of this club that I never would have joined if I had a choice. but there is support and many spiritual lessons and always hope as long as there is life.

MAGGIE143

Thank all of you that have offered great advise and support... I have hardly slept or ate. But your feedback has really opened me up more and I will continue to write and read...... There is only so much you can do....

I will try to find some meetings.... it was mentioned Al non..... that is for alcoholics, right? we do not have alot of places to go for addicts on Vicodin... but still looking. I will be going to see a pastor this week...


I have other resources... and my son lives in a place w/no water, and not sure when he'll be kicked out of there...... God, help us, ya know... help all of us.... I'm sure that I'll be getting the assistance I need "here" talking to you all.... thanks so much

Maggie143 xox

imallright

If there is not a Nar-anon program nearby, go to Al-anon. It is for loved ones of people with drinking issues, but it is about addiction. I know from personal experience how wonderful the support can be. Keep moving forward and take care of you.

JMFburns

Welcome Maggie,
The addict in my life is my 27 yr old son. He is currently staying w/old neighbors of ours. I do not provide a place for him to live - I share an apt. w/my daughter & she does not want her brother in our home. I occasionally 'relapse' and give him $ (supposedly) for gas or food. I know, I know I am enabling him AND in effect buying him drugs by doing that. I'm not perfect but I am attempting progress.
I go to Naranon one night a week, Alanon one night a week and visit SR often. Reading and rereading the posts and stickies and reaching out to others when I get the courage.
Glad you found us and hope you're able to find more help.
Joan