Chino

I read somewhere that until you write down your goals they're just a dream. So here I am, typing up a literal dream I had the other night.

I was floating in the ocean and the water was calm, crystal clear. Not very far from shore; just my usual comfort zone of less than 50 feet. I could see the sandy bottom about 15 feet below me and I was admiring the patterns in it. All of a sudden I saw a riptide underneath me.

I wasn't afraid since it was below me; I was real calm and serene. I thought oh, time to swim away. It took minimal effort, a couple of strokes and a flutter kick, then I wasn't on top of it any more. I started floating again.

I'm so grateful for that dream. It was so vivid! There will be riptides in my life but I have the skills and ability to take care of myself

itisatruth

What a great thought, thanks for sharing this. I imagine the more you practice swimming away from the riptides, the easier it gets.

Chino

It's a wonderful parallel for my life, I guess that's why my HP and my subconscious worked together on this one. I've been in riptides before and absolutely panicked, did all the wrong things but managed to survive. I learned my lesson! Go with the flow if you get stuck in one, then swim out of it. Or pay attention to the warning flags and avoid them altogether

imallright

Cool analogy. Thanks! Go with the flow... don't fight it.

beegee

Chino, I agree what a great anaology. It all seems so simple at times. I suppose it is where out head is at and we see what we want to see, or do what we need to do not always what we want to do. Keep up with the warning flags and you HP. Good thoughts to you and strength everyday.

Impurrfect

(((Chino)))

The best advice I've ever gotten, when I'm struggling like crazy, is "go with the flow". It seemed like the hardest thing to do, at first, but darn if it doesn't work!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Chino

My daughter hasn't been home this weekend except to come by and get a change of clothes for a funeral. She said she'd call later in the day because I sent her a text message: I need to know what your plans are and this isn't a hotel. Love you and take care of yourself.

Last night she called and said she got drunk Friday night. She also said she knew I was thinking she was back into her DOC. I told her no, I never assumed what she was doing because it's her disease to manage, not mine. Told her I'm praying for her and just hoping she doesn't harm herself.

I said the only thing I need to know is what are your plans so I can get on with my life, and I need to know VERY SOON.. am I taking you somewhere, do you need help moving out? She knows she can't stay here if she isn't working her recovery and she decides the next move. She told me where she is, who she's with, and that was considerate of her so I thanked her, then reminded her I need to know her plans.

She was a little surprised by my attitude, guess she figured I'd slip back into my old ways. But over the past couple of days I've revisited that dream each time I've felt the pull and swam away. The best part is that I felt the pull only a handful of times.

Her dad and brother are handling it well, too. Neither one of them have gone to any meetings or counseling, but I've passed on everything I've learned and they've listened. The one thing I absolutely insisted on with them is that if they start obsessing, don't talk to me about it. Told them I'll give them meeting info or my addiction therapists phone number if they ask for it.

Yesterday a couple of friends were really bummed when I told them I hadn't heard from her after they asked. It was kind of strange to talk them down off the wall! I reminded them both my dad was a diabetic and it wasn't until about five years before he passed on, that he finally became proactive in managing it. I loved him and encouraged him all those years and never once tried to manage his disease. When he ate the wrong things I just said Dad, you know better and I love you.

Want to hear something really weird? Friday night about 9pm, I had a strange feeling about my daughter. I stopped what I was doing and prayed for her. I thanked God for the gift of her and said she's all yours because she never belonged to me in the first place, she's always belonged to you. I said if she's better off leaving this world and returning back to you, please take her and I'm grateful for the gift no matter what.

She is going to die. Everyone I love is going to die. We're all going to feel joy and pain and I'm grateful for the gift of love. I've let go of what never belonged to me and I'm happy.

sleepygoat

I am sorry your daughter is relapsing, but glad you are really working your program with it. Funny - I used the same metaphor in my head about riptides just last week, (and will probably use the metaphor in a poem). we were at the Jersey shore and there were a lot of riptides. I saw this warning posted at the beach. Something like, "If you are caught up in a riptide, don't fight the current but instead swim sideways, parallel to the shore until you can either swim to shore or be rescued" And I thought, that's a good metaphor for dealing with my daughter's addiction. I don't have to get swept out to sea, and I don't have to fight so hard. I can swim sideways (work a program) until I can get to safety -and if I'm not strong enough - others (my support group) can help me!! well, its not exactly the same because for you, the rip passed right under you and you just watched, but its very, very similar. I also thought the description on the sign (at the beach) of how to tell a riptide is there was very metaphorical: "The water will be brown and muddy, and there may be debris and bits of garbage floating in it." !!! We codies learn to notice when trouble is here and we learn (if we are honest with ourselves) how to avoid it, huh?

Praying for you and your daughter....

Chino

Yes we do and thank you for the prayers

How funny about the riptide coincidence! I'm starting to see metaphors and analogies all over the place. Yesterday was a water bottle. My husband knows all about chemicals in plastic water bottles and the heat, but what did he do? Drank from one after it sat in a sweltering truck for 8 hours. He had another in a cooler but had a brain cramp. I said, you know better you big dummy and I'm buying you your own safe reusable bottle. Whether he uses it or not is his choice but at least he'll have it.

I'm having so many moments of clarity and I'm praying they keep coming