Old 07-17-2008, 11:27 AM
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Denoraphy's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sunny Fla
Posts: 112

I feel like I am about to lose it. My self composure and dignity, that is.

Last month my AH was going to start going to the methadone clinic again, he even went and had a consultation with one of the consolers, he was to begin treatment the following week. During that time he changed his mind about going to the clinic again and decided he could quit on his own. As skeptical as I was that this would work, I refrained from saying anything other than, 'It doesn't matter what course you chose, if you don't have a sincere desire to quit, it won't work anyway.' Maybe, not my exact words, but the message was similar.

He has been telling everyone that he has already cut his usage to half of what he was doing. I just do not see any evidence that he has made ANY change. No change in personality, no with drawls, no change in spending habits, and the tell tale signs that he is using are still present. Oh, except that I have noticed a new level of lying going on. I know he is an addict, I do not believe anything he says.

I feel so trapped, my own personal world of hell right now and I want to explode. I am feeling like I am taking it out on innocent bystanders. I do not have anyone that I feel comfortable laying all of this on to help me sort it out.

How do the rest of you overcome these feelings?
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Old 07-17-2008, 12:40 PM
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ladyamalthea's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
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Sorry that you're going through this.

There are several ways I like to cope:

1) take a nice, long bubble bath

2) get a pedicure

3)Write it out. Sometimes I write my sister letters that tell her exactly how I feel. I hold nothing back. I've never given her one of them, but it still helps me to get it out.

4) and this one is probably most important; are you currently in any kind of support group? If not, Alanon and Naranon are both great options.

I wish I had more to offer on this one, but I hope it helps. You're in my prayers!
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Old 07-17-2008, 12:44 PM
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krhea75's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
What are your plans? I try to make a plan and take one step towards it. Whether it's going to a counselor, planning on leaving, whatever. Take one step and you begin to feel that you are empowered to take another. Breathe deeply, pray. Hang in there.
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Old 07-17-2008, 06:39 PM
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marle's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Get on my exercise bike and pedal like crazy. And then I think of all the things I have to be grateful for. My husband lost his job last August and so besides my daughter's addiction, I had to deal with him being totally depressed and sitting around all winter. I did a lot of exercising Hope you find some peace. Hugs, Marle
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Old 07-17-2008, 07:11 PM
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rivka's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: southern cal
Posts: 84
I need to be around people when I start spinning....these feelings that I am unable to "help" just adds insomnia to the list of ailments that I take on as an empathetic codie.'s so hard to hear "let him do this...let him do that" when you, in your head KNOW that you could guide or help him if he would just do ______".

UGH. Frustrating right? I know. We ALL know. We are all there in some way or another.

All I can say is that I take it one hour at a time...literally.
If you're not comfortable with going to a "anon" meeting (though there are other similar people there that can empathize with you, support and encourage you), then
not only do I recommend you keep yourself busy, but see if you can get involved in something in your community that will FORCE you to focus on something serious but positive OUTSIDE this toxic situation.

I think about my stbxABF and swirl.....but schedule to go help a friend, or volunteer at an industry event, or invite co-workers to dinner or SOMETHING. Just do one thing for a couple of hours....and see that you are a worthy person. Worthy of companionship, honor and respect. Slowly this will build your self esteem up so you can recognize that your AH issues are his own, and though you love, you can "detach" your issues from his, and be there while he's going thru this, but you don't OWN those issues...
Hope this makes sense.

Believe me, I'm as codie as it gets...and it's going to take a long time to get past my "swirling mass of insecurity"...but I'm trying. Thank God for all of these wonderful posters.
I hope you benefit from their support as I have.

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