Stuck in the nightmare
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ma
Posts: 320
Stuck in the nightmare
So..I broke down and told my father that my abf and I split. I took me over a week to get the guts to tell my dad. He liked my bf very much and treated his son like a grandson. I didn't tell him what was going on, just that we split and he has some problems and is getting some help. He doesn't need to know the details. I was doing ok until I told him and then relived the whole thing all over again in my head.
Everyone is telling me to run, stay away, I'm too young and we're not married with children, I don't deserve this, blah blah blah. He's no good, It's only going to cause more problems, your being a doormat, ect. But how do you give up on the one's you love. My best friend and her fiance are also both addicts. They are getting married in October. I can't cut them out of my life. I love them so much. I can't give up on people I love because they made bad decisions, but the bf stole from me and violated my trust. My friends know better then that. At least they know that their consequences have actions and they don't go to extremes and turn into monsters.
He keeps calling me, telling me how much the detox sucks, is boring, the food is horrible and he just wants to hear the sound of my voice. He's staying there though because he needs help (or is it cause he really has nowhere else to go) I know that he really loves me. I know if I give him another chance down the road that this could all happen again...and be a lot worse. It's so hard just to close the door and walk away. I am at a loss.
Everyone is telling me to run, stay away, I'm too young and we're not married with children, I don't deserve this, blah blah blah. He's no good, It's only going to cause more problems, your being a doormat, ect. But how do you give up on the one's you love. My best friend and her fiance are also both addicts. They are getting married in October. I can't cut them out of my life. I love them so much. I can't give up on people I love because they made bad decisions, but the bf stole from me and violated my trust. My friends know better then that. At least they know that their consequences have actions and they don't go to extremes and turn into monsters.
He keeps calling me, telling me how much the detox sucks, is boring, the food is horrible and he just wants to hear the sound of my voice. He's staying there though because he needs help (or is it cause he really has nowhere else to go) I know that he really loves me. I know if I give him another chance down the road that this could all happen again...and be a lot worse. It's so hard just to close the door and walk away. I am at a loss.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((Alaia))
It is hard to close the door and walk away. Especially on someone you care for and know that when you seperate the person from the disease - there is a good person deep inside.
There is no guarantees with recovery - it is true that he could do well for many yrs and then relapse - you have seen many of those stories posted here.
What I have learned is that I can not distance myself from all the alcoholics/addicts in my life - there are too many. I have found that it has worked out better for me to learn how to take care of myself thru recovery. Yes, there are many that I no longer have contact with because they are unable to honor my boundares. Some I am able to see on limited occasions and some I have contact on a daily basis.
I think it takes time to establish what is right for each individual person.
Maybe you will need time to work on your own recovery from the effects of your bf's addictions and if he works on his recovery - then you will be able to decide if you want to continue a relationship or contact with him.
Sometimes a couple has to learn to stand individually in recovery before they can stand together in recovery.
Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita
It is hard to close the door and walk away. Especially on someone you care for and know that when you seperate the person from the disease - there is a good person deep inside.
There is no guarantees with recovery - it is true that he could do well for many yrs and then relapse - you have seen many of those stories posted here.
What I have learned is that I can not distance myself from all the alcoholics/addicts in my life - there are too many. I have found that it has worked out better for me to learn how to take care of myself thru recovery. Yes, there are many that I no longer have contact with because they are unable to honor my boundares. Some I am able to see on limited occasions and some I have contact on a daily basis.
I think it takes time to establish what is right for each individual person.
Maybe you will need time to work on your own recovery from the effects of your bf's addictions and if he works on his recovery - then you will be able to decide if you want to continue a relationship or contact with him.
Sometimes a couple has to learn to stand individually in recovery before they can stand together in recovery.
Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
I hate that you're going through this.
The thing is, nothing about addicts makes sense. Think about it... their train of thought is usually the opposite of anything logical, when they crave, they crave the substances that are keeping them prisoner, and instead of being loving to those they love, they hurt them.
In that light, think about this: detaching with love is not giving up on an addict. Detaching, rather, is saying, "I love you enough to stop enabling you. I have faith in you, even though you don't have faith in yourself right now, and I know that when the pain of using is worse than the pain of not, you will stop. Until then, I will watch and love from afar, but I cannot participate in your self destruciton any longer."
I have to agree with your friends and family. I wish walking away from an addict was easier... and I know it must be difficult. All romantic relationships end one of two ways: 1) marriage 2) breakup
Let's look at each one:
marriage- I understand wanting to marry the person you love, but do you really want to permanently tie yourself to him? What kind of a father would he be to your future kids? Would he be able to contribute to the growth of the family financially, emotionally, or physically? How much more likely is he to take away from the family, instead of contribute? You deserve to be happy with the person you end up with. If he cannot provide in a way that will make you happy in the long run, then you would be doing yourself a huge favor to move on.
If marriage is not sounding rational at this point, then your two options are to wait for him or to cut all ties and move on. There's no reason you have to make that decision right away... perhaps you could do better if you detach with love for now, and use this time to focus on you, and then make your decision once you have had more time to regain your own clarity.
Ultimately, I hope that either a)he goes on to rehab and does what he needs to do so that you two can be happy together or b) that you have the strength to realize that the people who are trying to warn you about the situation are only trying to help, because they can see much more clearly from outside than you can inside, and that their advice is dead on.
Either way, I forget: are you going to Alanon or Naranon meetings? If not, please consider going; and give it a few meetings before you decide if you like it or not. If so, please keep going; you will learn so much, and gain the strength to keep going.
Just remember: ultimately, there's nothing you can do for him at this point. I'm not even sure taking his phone calls is helping him, because if he's calling you all the time, when is he making an effort to think about HIMSELF? Focusing on you is the only way that both of you can focus on recovery, because whether you stay with him or not, you need to be able to heal.
*hugs and prayers*
The thing is, nothing about addicts makes sense. Think about it... their train of thought is usually the opposite of anything logical, when they crave, they crave the substances that are keeping them prisoner, and instead of being loving to those they love, they hurt them.
In that light, think about this: detaching with love is not giving up on an addict. Detaching, rather, is saying, "I love you enough to stop enabling you. I have faith in you, even though you don't have faith in yourself right now, and I know that when the pain of using is worse than the pain of not, you will stop. Until then, I will watch and love from afar, but I cannot participate in your self destruciton any longer."
I have to agree with your friends and family. I wish walking away from an addict was easier... and I know it must be difficult. All romantic relationships end one of two ways: 1) marriage 2) breakup
Let's look at each one:
marriage- I understand wanting to marry the person you love, but do you really want to permanently tie yourself to him? What kind of a father would he be to your future kids? Would he be able to contribute to the growth of the family financially, emotionally, or physically? How much more likely is he to take away from the family, instead of contribute? You deserve to be happy with the person you end up with. If he cannot provide in a way that will make you happy in the long run, then you would be doing yourself a huge favor to move on.
If marriage is not sounding rational at this point, then your two options are to wait for him or to cut all ties and move on. There's no reason you have to make that decision right away... perhaps you could do better if you detach with love for now, and use this time to focus on you, and then make your decision once you have had more time to regain your own clarity.
Ultimately, I hope that either a)he goes on to rehab and does what he needs to do so that you two can be happy together or b) that you have the strength to realize that the people who are trying to warn you about the situation are only trying to help, because they can see much more clearly from outside than you can inside, and that their advice is dead on.
Either way, I forget: are you going to Alanon or Naranon meetings? If not, please consider going; and give it a few meetings before you decide if you like it or not. If so, please keep going; you will learn so much, and gain the strength to keep going.
Just remember: ultimately, there's nothing you can do for him at this point. I'm not even sure taking his phone calls is helping him, because if he's calling you all the time, when is he making an effort to think about HIMSELF? Focusing on you is the only way that both of you can focus on recovery, because whether you stay with him or not, you need to be able to heal.
*hugs and prayers*
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
Stay strong and know that your doing the right thing. I know how hard it is to walk away especially from someone that you love and care about and thought about a future with that person. He is right where he needs to be. He of course doesnt like detox, detox sucks. When your used to doing things your way and now you cant do it like that anymore it doesnt make u like the place your in. He is in there doing what he needs to do. Taking care of himself, and getting better. To be a better father, bf, person.
Do you have any hobbies? Friends to hang out with? Try to keep busy and really try to limit contact the more you talk to him the more it hurts. The easier it will get to get out of the nightmare your stuck in. You are young and you have alot going on in your life focus on YOUR wants and what makes YOU happy. I know easier said than done but ask yourself. Is this what you want? The uncertanty of living with addiction? Can he give you what you want outta life? Like stability and loving you first not drugs? Where do you want to be in 1yr, 5yrs, 20yrs? Do you want to keep living in the unknown? Waiting for the other shoe to drop?
I have been where you are and 10yrs later he is still an addict. Nothing has changed in his life. I have changed and found a true love who treats me good, loves me, and I am first not drugs. No more lying or not knowing. Post here get it out and focus on YOU, let him be the one to focus on HIM. (((HUGS)))
Do you have any hobbies? Friends to hang out with? Try to keep busy and really try to limit contact the more you talk to him the more it hurts. The easier it will get to get out of the nightmare your stuck in. You are young and you have alot going on in your life focus on YOUR wants and what makes YOU happy. I know easier said than done but ask yourself. Is this what you want? The uncertanty of living with addiction? Can he give you what you want outta life? Like stability and loving you first not drugs? Where do you want to be in 1yr, 5yrs, 20yrs? Do you want to keep living in the unknown? Waiting for the other shoe to drop?
I have been where you are and 10yrs later he is still an addict. Nothing has changed in his life. I have changed and found a true love who treats me good, loves me, and I am first not drugs. No more lying or not knowing. Post here get it out and focus on YOU, let him be the one to focus on HIM. (((HUGS)))
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Have you considered why you are attracted to toxic people?
Specifically...your ex and your 2 best friends?
Prayers for clairty coming your way.
Specifically...your ex and your 2 best friends?
Prayers for clairty coming your way.
Last edited by CarolD; 07-17-2008 at 03:29 PM. Reason: Typo
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Walk toward the light...leave him out of this and
Work on your own dysfunction because that is where real change can occur.
We all have it.
It is easy to put the spotlight on the addict.
Put it on yourself instead and see what lies beneath.
With the pain of a breakup remember that "This too shall pass"
Good luck as you put the pieces of your life in order.
Work on your own dysfunction because that is where real change can occur.
We all have it.
It is easy to put the spotlight on the addict.
Put it on yourself instead and see what lies beneath.
With the pain of a breakup remember that "This too shall pass"
Good luck as you put the pieces of your life in order.
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
The heart is a flexible muscle. It can be hurt even broken, but it goes on. I know the pain of loving an addict, even though mine is my son. My sympathy goes out to you. But you've got to buck up and do the right thing. The right thing is not the easy thing, but it is the thing you need to do.
krhea
krhea
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 328
What I thought was loving and caring was really enabling and allowing them to keep using. Alanon/Naranon meetings and literature gave me the education I needed to be able to make good decisions about what I would and wouldn't do.
The addicts in my life knew how to play me like a violin. Amazingly, when I stopped doing what they wanted - they really got angry and showed their true addict colors. Made it easier for me to detach a bit more. Like not taking their phone calls from treatment - I sent encouraging notes and funny cards by mail.
And when they finally went to rehab and got sober, they needed sponsors/friends in AA/NA to be close to. I could love them and support them and encourage them, but I couldn't get into advising them about their recovery.
Please try meetings - they saved my life. And keep coming here.
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
The addicts in my life knew how to play me like a violin. Amazingly, when I stopped doing what they wanted - they really got angry and showed their true addict colors. Made it easier for me to detach a bit more. Like not taking their phone calls from treatment - I sent encouraging notes and funny cards by mail.
And when they finally went to rehab and got sober, they needed sponsors/friends in AA/NA to be close to. I could love them and support them and encourage them, but I couldn't get into advising them about their recovery.
Please try meetings - they saved my life. And keep coming here.
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
About 45 days ago my abf was in rehab - going through the detox part of things.... I learned that what I had to do (while it was hard)... was not jump in and help him. He felt like he didn't belong there... the food was terrible... it was too hot... it was cultish... he had a list of about 50 things as to why he shouldn't be there. It was really hard to hear and I actually even at one point started doubting myself and what exactly my intentions were. And then it hit me... my intentions are just that..... MINE!
My boundary was that I would support him and be there for him while he is in recovery, but not active addiction. (His doc is opiates) He had tried doing it on his own and was not able to... it was total insanity. And the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. It was time to try something new.... and for him it was in patient, but more importantly for me it was staying within my boundaries. It's progress not perfection... every day at a time. About 2 weeks in I started to stress about what I would do when / if he relapsed.... and then I learned that "future tripping" was not helpful in my recovery.
Come to find out... there truly is a gift to taking it one day at at time, finding and knowing MY happy place, and focusing on myself. My resentment that I had to work through was that I had spent so much time focusing on his issues ... his life... that I lost sight of mine..... and that in return he knew not half as much about me as I did about him! But ya know... come to think of it... he probably didn't know as much about me because I was so wrapped up in HIM!
Think about what it is that YOU want... how can he add not replace or take from you... and live one day at a time. Drama is what I got a hold of that got a hold of me... when I found days of living serenely this feeling of anxiety would come up... and as those days increased the anxiety decreased.
What helped me... when I start to think about my abf and his life... I do an intervention on myself and turn it around to immediately thinking about me.. and what is going on in my world! I do this by either calling someone and talking about things unrelated to him... or I'll turn on a movie..... come here... clean by putting love into my home.... and the fun part is when I make plans for myself and what I want to do for ME that is FUN!
It sounds as though you know your boundaries and what they are.... stick to them... they are a blessing.... and will only help you... not hurt you. You are building your own hula hoop! You are the only one you are in control over.
If you are in a weak space at the time your ABF calls... don't answer it. Or if you do answer it.... keep it short and go back to focusing on you.
As soon as I got off the roller coaster... my world opened up in different ways.... and I feel as though now I have just entered a new amusement park and there are some coasters in there, but I'm exercising my choice when or if I hop on or not. The scenery in recovery is much different to addiction.
Thinking of you.....
Oh.... and one more thing..... there is only one nara-non meeting where I am one day a week and it's about an hour away. So I checked out al-anon and found a lot of support.... there are also people in the rooms that are there for drugging as well as drinking. I thought SR was enough, come to find out the f2f is pretty cool too!!!
My boundary was that I would support him and be there for him while he is in recovery, but not active addiction. (His doc is opiates) He had tried doing it on his own and was not able to... it was total insanity. And the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. It was time to try something new.... and for him it was in patient, but more importantly for me it was staying within my boundaries. It's progress not perfection... every day at a time. About 2 weeks in I started to stress about what I would do when / if he relapsed.... and then I learned that "future tripping" was not helpful in my recovery.
Come to find out... there truly is a gift to taking it one day at at time, finding and knowing MY happy place, and focusing on myself. My resentment that I had to work through was that I had spent so much time focusing on his issues ... his life... that I lost sight of mine..... and that in return he knew not half as much about me as I did about him! But ya know... come to think of it... he probably didn't know as much about me because I was so wrapped up in HIM!
Think about what it is that YOU want... how can he add not replace or take from you... and live one day at a time. Drama is what I got a hold of that got a hold of me... when I found days of living serenely this feeling of anxiety would come up... and as those days increased the anxiety decreased.
What helped me... when I start to think about my abf and his life... I do an intervention on myself and turn it around to immediately thinking about me.. and what is going on in my world! I do this by either calling someone and talking about things unrelated to him... or I'll turn on a movie..... come here... clean by putting love into my home.... and the fun part is when I make plans for myself and what I want to do for ME that is FUN!
It sounds as though you know your boundaries and what they are.... stick to them... they are a blessing.... and will only help you... not hurt you. You are building your own hula hoop! You are the only one you are in control over.
If you are in a weak space at the time your ABF calls... don't answer it. Or if you do answer it.... keep it short and go back to focusing on you.
As soon as I got off the roller coaster... my world opened up in different ways.... and I feel as though now I have just entered a new amusement park and there are some coasters in there, but I'm exercising my choice when or if I hop on or not. The scenery in recovery is much different to addiction.
Thinking of you.....
Oh.... and one more thing..... there is only one nara-non meeting where I am one day a week and it's about an hour away. So I checked out al-anon and found a lot of support.... there are also people in the rooms that are there for drugging as well as drinking. I thought SR was enough, come to find out the f2f is pretty cool too!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ma
Posts: 320
Originally Posted by CarolD 
Have you considered why you are attracted to toxic people?
Specifically...your ex and your 2 best friends?
Prayers for clairty coming your way.
Specifically...your ex and your 2 best friends?
Prayers for clairty coming your way.
Before I dated my bf (ex now, I guess I should get used to saying it) he just smoked weed or drank. I have known him for a long time. Then he started taking Oxy's with his girl @ the time. I guess when they got too expensive, the started using dope.
So...it's not that I am attracted to people who use. But they are in my life, and I can't give up on them just because they have a horrible problem.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ma
Posts: 320
Originally Posted by Spiritual Seeker
Walk toward the light...leave him out of this and
Work on your own dysfunction because that is where real change can occur.
We all have it.
It is easy to put the spotlight on the addict.
Put it on yourself instead and see what lies beneath.
With the pain of a breakup remember that "This too shall pass"
Good luck as you put the pieces of your life in order.
Work on your own dysfunction because that is where real change can occur.
We all have it.
It is easy to put the spotlight on the addict.
Put it on yourself instead and see what lies beneath.
With the pain of a breakup remember that "This too shall pass"
Good luck as you put the pieces of your life in order.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
I think what Spiritual Seeker is talking about is codependant tendancies. The big giveaway comes at the top of this thread, where you say others are calling you a "doormat." Us codies tend to be very good at being doormats, until we stop focusing on the addict and start putting ourselves first. You deserve to be at the top of your own priority list, and that just doesn't happen all too often when we are caught up in someone else's problem, especially when that problem is addiction.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
Melody Beattie's Codependant No More is a popular one around here, along with some of her other books. The Language of Letting Go is another one of hers that is good. I bet others will have even more suggestions 
Here's her website:
Melody Beattie -- The Library
Here's her website:
Melody Beattie -- The Library
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
I don't know how old u r or how long u know your abf so its hard to give an opinion.
I am here at SR cuz of my AS but many yrs ago I was desperately in love with my ex husband. I loved him so much that against my parents wishes I married him when I was 18. I had my 1st child with him when I was 19. He was a compulsive gambler. I think I left him 9 times ( bag & baggage ) the 1st 2 yrs but I always took him back. I even divorced him cuz of family pressure but then remarried him & had a 2nd child.
Finally after sitting in Gam-Anon for quite a long time & realizing that all the love in the world would not change him I left for good.
After 10yrs alone I met & married my present husband. I am now married 24 yrs & love him more with each passing day.
My ex called me after almost 30yrs telling me he went from gambling to drugs & finally at age 58 reached his bottom & got clean & sober. Noone could love someone more than I once loved him but I gave him not only my love but my soul & your soul belongs only to your HP.
I guess I am trying to tell you no matter how much you love him it won't help. He has to learn to love himself..........................and everyone's bottom is different. It took my ex until he was 58 yrs old & we broke up when he was 29. I am so glad I ended it when I did but it surely took its toll on my 2 sons especially my oldest.
If you are not married yet & have no children, think long & hard about what you want out of a relationship & life.
Addiction is a terrible disease & it destroys families.
Good Luck,
Diane
I am here at SR cuz of my AS but many yrs ago I was desperately in love with my ex husband. I loved him so much that against my parents wishes I married him when I was 18. I had my 1st child with him when I was 19. He was a compulsive gambler. I think I left him 9 times ( bag & baggage ) the 1st 2 yrs but I always took him back. I even divorced him cuz of family pressure but then remarried him & had a 2nd child.
Finally after sitting in Gam-Anon for quite a long time & realizing that all the love in the world would not change him I left for good.
After 10yrs alone I met & married my present husband. I am now married 24 yrs & love him more with each passing day.
My ex called me after almost 30yrs telling me he went from gambling to drugs & finally at age 58 reached his bottom & got clean & sober. Noone could love someone more than I once loved him but I gave him not only my love but my soul & your soul belongs only to your HP.
I guess I am trying to tell you no matter how much you love him it won't help. He has to learn to love himself..........................and everyone's bottom is different. It took my ex until he was 58 yrs old & we broke up when he was 29. I am so glad I ended it when I did but it surely took its toll on my 2 sons especially my oldest.
If you are not married yet & have no children, think long & hard about what you want out of a relationship & life.
Addiction is a terrible disease & it destroys families.
Good Luck,
Diane
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 328
There are Alanon and Naranon websites - lots of good information to read and free pamphlets to down load. And some books to order.
I needed to get an education in addiction, to understand why I was feeling and acting the way I was. And to understand what the disease of addiction/alcoholism really was. And what recovery from it looked like.
Keep hanging in - it will get better.
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
I needed to get an education in addiction, to understand why I was feeling and acting the way I was. And to understand what the disease of addiction/alcoholism really was. And what recovery from it looked like.
Keep hanging in - it will get better.
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Way back when I was 18-20, it seemed like everyone I knew was into drugs and/or substantial binge drinking. Back then, we did not think of it in terms of addiction or alcoholism.
The uncertainty of their lifestyles , endless poor choices, chronic unemployment and perhaps most of all, drugs and drinking as the only form of entertainment and socializing, eventually got to me.
I could not save them from their demons and in the end I realized I was more lonely with them than I would be without them. I had saved enough money to leave and I did, and never looked back.
Years later, on classmates.com, I learned how many of them had died or gone to prison. It made me sad but I knew that I could not have saved them and instead chose to save me.
Fast forward, and my daughter is 19 and a heroin addict. I struggle each day, despite what I know, to disengage from her outcome. I need to do in my head what I did physically so many years ago with my friends, let go and let God. Nothing good come out of addiction and nothing changes, if nothing changes.
The uncertainty of their lifestyles , endless poor choices, chronic unemployment and perhaps most of all, drugs and drinking as the only form of entertainment and socializing, eventually got to me.
I could not save them from their demons and in the end I realized I was more lonely with them than I would be without them. I had saved enough money to leave and I did, and never looked back.
Years later, on classmates.com, I learned how many of them had died or gone to prison. It made me sad but I knew that I could not have saved them and instead chose to save me.
Fast forward, and my daughter is 19 and a heroin addict. I struggle each day, despite what I know, to disengage from her outcome. I need to do in my head what I did physically so many years ago with my friends, let go and let God. Nothing good come out of addiction and nothing changes, if nothing changes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ma
Posts: 320
So I have not been taking his calls. He left me a voice mail telling me he needed to speak with me. I answered the next time he called. I asked him what he wanted. He gets out of detox on Sunday, but the holding to get into a program are full so they advised him to go to a homeless shelter. They couldn't tell him when he might be able to even go into a holding center, it could be months, and he has to pay for his own drug tests. He was upset and saying how it was bs...and my response was "and this is my problem why?" he said its not your problem...and I was like yeah, I already know that. I told him it's not really bs because he had burnt everyone that had tried to help him in the past. I told him to take care of himself and maybe come talk to me when he can stay sober for a whole year. I knew he was most likely going to ask if he could stay @ my house till he could get into a program since his parents kicked him out and so did I. I got of the phone before that happened and I hope he got the hint that I am not helping him anymore. It was tough to do...but I know I am doing the best thing for myself.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Alaia, GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!
You know what you just did? You helped yourself! And guess what? You helped the ABF, also.
He will NEVER get clean and sober as long as he has friends and family around him cleaning up his messes.
And I've learned that I would never get better as long as I tried to fix someone else. The only person I can fix is me. So when I started taking a good look at me and started working on the things that I needed to change, THAT is the day I started to turn my life around for the better.
I wouldn't go back to my old way of enabling for all the tea in China. There is freedom in walking the recovery road.
Hang in there. Just keep reading here and listening to folks who have something you want.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
You know what you just did? You helped yourself! And guess what? You helped the ABF, also.
He will NEVER get clean and sober as long as he has friends and family around him cleaning up his messes.
And I've learned that I would never get better as long as I tried to fix someone else. The only person I can fix is me. So when I started taking a good look at me and started working on the things that I needed to change, THAT is the day I started to turn my life around for the better.
I wouldn't go back to my old way of enabling for all the tea in China. There is freedom in walking the recovery road.
Hang in there. Just keep reading here and listening to folks who have something you want.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
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