ihatethis

She finally kicked her addict husband out. It was hard but she did it. She seemed very upbeat in a jaded way, but that is a trademark of the women in my family. We're funny... or really really not. Anyway Saturday at 1:30am she calls me to say he's forgotten her in 2 days and found someone new. We were talking for about 10 minutes before she told me that she has slit her wrists but she keeps clotting and she can't even commit suicide right. I did tell her I needed to call our mother, simply because I needed to be in this with someone. Long story short I got in the car at 2:00 (with my cat in tow, since I didn't know how long I'd be gone) at arrived at her place at 5:00am. I'm shocked I didn't get pulled over because I was so tired I was weaving.

I think I've lost my ability to be shocked. I was fine. I said a prayer on my way to be able to help and to handle what I found. But I didn't cry. I was very matter of fact. I got there. All the lights were on, the door was unlocked, and I found her cutting kit on the floor. If any of you are cutters or know cutters you'll understand what I'm talking about. Anyway, it was there... razors, band-Aides, suicide note, a poem she wrote about trying to cleanse herself and still being putrid. And a lot of blood. I found her in her bedroom and she was a crusty bloody mess. The bleeding had stopped. She could talk but she wasn't okay. She had been drinking and her suicide note looked like it had been written by a 5 year old (she's 26 almost 27). Anyway, I called my mother to tell her I got there safe and that Maureen was alive and okay. I should have called 911, and put her in a hospital. However she is a social worker and was afraid of losing her job and credibility. So I didn't. I regret that. However my family thinks I'm crazy that I would even think of talking to an outsider. And probably wouldn't be thrilled if they knew I was writing now. To fastforward a bit... I stayed with her until Monday and called in to work. My mother is with her now, and she talked to her boss and told them everything. About living with an addict, the abuse, the strip clubs, the women calling her house... and she cried with her and hugged her and gave her a leave of absense. I was called at work and told she would be staying with me... which is fine, I love her and would do anything for her... I think it would have been nice if they asked, but this isn't the time to talk about boundaries, is it?

So this weekend she will be with me for a few weeks. I told my mother that if she is staying in my house I need her to be having some form of counseling because I'm not qualified and I can't come home from work to a pool of blood. However they were upset that I was so high handed... "she's visiting you, not living with you!" I don't care. My house my rules and I don't need your permission. Saying that to mom didn't go over well but I will stick to it. I can't be responsible for her life or death. Sadly the addict that brought me to this site in the first place has been really helpful. He's 5 month sober and in the 3 month of treatment (inpatient). Mind you, he is a friend and I won't allow more. I'm not going where my sister is.

Anyway, I'm telling you because I have no one to tell and I haven't cried yet. Although I was close at work on Tuesday. I feel guilty because I'm handling this so well. But I know the other shoe will drop soon, so I'm telling my story now, cause I may need you guys a whole hellva lot later.

Amy

P.S. Sorry it's so long and I can't spell for crap, so please forgive me now.

marle

Amy, I am sorry that you are going through this. I will say a prayer for your sister and for you too. Don't be afraid to reach out to someone if you need to. Your sister is not the only one who may need help. There is nothing wrong with that. Hugs, Marle

littlebird77

oh my goodness I am so sorry. why not go to a meeting with her as soon as she gets to you... (if this ever god-for-bid happens again, please call 911)

How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico

ihatethis

I was talking to my addict tonight and he said the same thing... take her to a meeting. So I will as soon as she gets here. She won't like that you can only find one in a church here, she'd rather a community centre so it really felt non denominational. But right now she's like a child. I can probably convince her of anything. Her mother-in-law came to find him today and is staying with Maureen. When he left he said he was sorry and it was all his fault. When he's talking to his mom he did nothing and my sister is crazy...

I want to tell her about SR so that when I'm at work she can talk to all of you... however I really don't want her reading my stuff, so I'm going to think about it long and hard first... but how can I deny her the help you offer??

rivka

Dear I hate this,

I'm so sorry that you are going thru this...it is heartbreaking. I know you don't wish to compromise your sister's job situation, but you know that this instability may be more than you can handle alone...and to save her you might need to
get her seen by a medical professional right away....this was no bluff, she tried and tried, and was "unsuccessful". I feel for your need to maintain her privacy, but it may not be in her best interest for her mental/emotional health...
IMHO, though we, who love our family members dearly, can care for them, we don't know what is the best thing for someone in this fragile emotional condition.

I will say a prayer for your family.

Blessings,
rivka

ihatethis

you are right. i've resolved that the next time (like how I'm preparing?) I will call 911. I've thought of a form 1, don't know if anyone living south of the border know what this is, but it's a 72 hour evaluation at a psych hospital and it's not voluntary. Don't know how badly this will damage our friendship. My sister isn't just my sister, she's my best friend and we talk daily... She promised me that she wouldn't commit suicide. She's thought of it alot, but she said that she wouldn't because she thinks of how she could handle life without me, and knows she couldn't... and I can't even think of a world without her. It would break me. I'm not sad yet because I'm still so angry. She promised. She knew it would kill me. And she still did it. And I'm fighting this alone. Mom and dad still don't beleive it was a suicide attempt. they think she'll be fine and that it was just "cutting". If I do call 911 next time, they'll all hate me.

devastated

WOW! I thought your post was full of courage and strength. I also feel that you did everything right, including taking your kitty with you. I admire your courage and admire the fact that you kept your witts about you the entire time!

That said, when I grow up I want to be just like you!

Hugs, Devastated

Done_With_It

They call the 72 hour hold a 5150 here.
You may want to mention to your parents that a lot of cutters end up dying on accident because they cut too deep.
So does it really matter what it was? The bottom line was she could have
killed herself that night. Cutting or suicide attempt.
I was put on a 5150 when I was cutting too much, I had friends bring me to the hosp. and the hosp. wouldn't let me go.
I can tell you that if she is cutting like that, she is not capable of making promises of not killing herself, she just tried, so ??....
You can't take her word that she won't do it because that is what you want to believe.
When someone is that messed up in the head, they truly believe you would be better
off without them, no matter WHAT has been said.
It's not about her not loving you, in my head anyway, you think I love them too much
to put them through this..... I won't do this to them..... and you really believe that
it would be better 'for them' if you were gone. That's me and what I've heard over
and over again.

I'm not trying to be mean or harsh, but if she continues on this path,
you are in over your head, in my experience a normal person is not
capable of fixing or helping someone in her position.
Taking her 'kit' away, bringing her to your house, etc., is putting a lot
of responsibility in your hands, and may leave you feeling like you are left
walking on eggshells, and not wanting to upset the cutter/suicidal one.
Giving her all the power.
It can be a lot of pressure for you to deal with...

If it were my sister, or how I got better, was I needed a lot more help
than my family could give me. God Bless them. My issues were just
bigger than them.

Just my experience.. I wish you all luck.. and will be saying a lot prayers.
I think your an amazing sister...
:ghug2

ihatethis

Well Done with it,

you finally made me cry. thanks (I'm not being sarcastic).. I'll come back to this later... I can't right now.

Done_With_It

****{Ihatethis}}}

I hope your okay. I would just hate for something to happen to her....
Running late for work, I'll check on you in the morning when I get home..

greeteachday

I'm sorry you are going through this and I too think you are a wonderful sister. I agree with Done...she is a very wise woman with a lot of experience to share. It's hard to have to say something is bigger than we are, but I hope she will find the help she needs. You are both in my prayers. Gentle hugs...You've been through a lot this week.

lightseeker

Oh honey - I just want to wrap my arms around you and your sister. I am so sorry about this. I think that Done's post was very insightful and loving. You are in a "big" situation....one that a layperson is just not trained to handle. I know that for a long time that I needed to hold my cards tight to the chest - but, we truly are only as sick as our secrets. It's not shameful to need help. I truly believe that the anon side of addiction can be every bit as dangerous and deadly. I know how many times I have felt in that low low low place where life no longer felt like living. It's hard to not take addiction personally but with the right professional help and meetings it simply can happen.

Take good care of yourself - you are going through a lot. Glad that you are posting. Please keep us up to date on how you are doing and what is going on.

rozied

Dear Amy, First off your spelling was perfect. I didn't see 1 error.
You sound so very much like a perfectionist yet you don't think your good enough ( like I was once & still lean to those tendencies ) You handled things beautifullt BUT there r things bigger than we are. My parents r now 88 & always were alot like yours about keeping things in the house.
IMHO your sister needs professional help, anyone who cuts themself has self-esteem issues that need help to be resolved.
Does your sister have any children?
Diane

ladyamalthea

Amy,

one thing that really stuck out to me when I reread your post this morning is that YOU felt GUILTY for handling things so well. I hope you don't still feel that way. You did a great job taking care of everything, right down to, like others have pointed out, being calm enough to think to bring your cat along in case you were gone longer. Sounds to me like you were stable enough through the ordeal to be the eye of your sister's storm. If she's having that bad of relationship and self esteem problems, stability from any angle is helpful.

I hope things are looking better today.

caileesnana

prayers for you and your sister. She is very lucky to have someone like you that cares!
susan

ihatethis

Thanks guys. I'm just home quickly for lunch, so I can't rant too long. But you are right, I feel a lot of guilt. I'm also afraid something might be broken. Nothing phases me anymore, and that in itself is disconcerting to say the least. I've become too good at compartmentalizing.

ihatethis

oh and Diane... no, no kids, thank heavens.

Chino

I've read and reread your posts and my heart goes out to you and yours. Please continue to take care of yourself. I've always remembered my dad telling me it's better to be a willow that bends in the breeze, than an oak that cracks and breaks under the strain of it's own weight. My prayers are with you and your family.

mooselips

IHT,
Sorry about the circumstances that brought you to Sober recovery, but I am so glad you found us, now you're not alone.
I can understand where "Miss Done" is coming from, since she's been there, done that, (LOL) she is overflowing with experience, and I think she's right, your sister may need more help than meetings.
Perhaps you could see what kind of mental health coverage she has, so she can begin some therapy?

This sure is alot of stress and worry on you. YOU take care of YOU too, okay? You're a fantastic sister.

Hugs...

concerned999

I happen to be one of those sisters who thinks that "sisterdom" is the closest relationship next to parenthood. When it's a close relationship, that is. My sister and I went through a lot together, in fact, I raised her. Not too long ago I said to her that I hoped I died first because I couldn't stand the thought of her dying and me being left without her in my life. Well, the wisdom of the young - she looked at me with a seriously hurt look and said, "Oh, you would rather that I felt the pain?" I never loved her so much as at that moment. Your sister was not thinking about leaving you when she hurt herself. She was trying to relieve her own pain. You are the best sister I've ever heard of and don't forget, you're the one she reached out to when she was in so much pain. She knew you would help her and you did. Good luck to you both.