Ann

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

We Are Lovable

Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay.
--Codependent No More

Do you ever find yourself thinking: How could anyone possibly love me? For many of us, this is a deeply ingrained belief that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Thinking we are unlovable can sabotage our relationships with co-workers, friends, family members, and other loved ones. This belief can cause us to choose, or stay in, relationships that are less than we deserve because we don't believe we deserve better. We may become desperate and cling as if a particular person was our last chance at love. We may become defensive and push people away. We may withdraw or constantly overreact.

While growing up, many of us did not receive the unconditional love we deserved. Many of us were abandoned or neglected by important people in our life. We may have concluded that the reason we weren't loved was because we were unlovable. Blaming ourselves is an understandable reaction, but an inappropriate one. If others couldn't love us, or love us in ways that worked, that's not our fault. In recovery, we're learning to separate ourselves from the behavior of others. And we're learning to take responsibility for our healing, regardless of the people around us.

Just as we may have believed that we're unlovable, we can become skilled at practicing the belief that we are lovable. This new belief will improve the quality of our relationships. It will improve our most important relationship: our relationship with our self. We will be able to let others love us and become open to the love and friendship we deserve.

Today, God, help me be aware of and release any self-defeating beliefs I have about being unlovable. Help me begin, today, to tell myself that I am lovable. Help me practice this belief until it gets into my core and manifests itself in my relationships.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Ann

Learning to love ourselves is key if we want others to believe we are lovable.

For me, that meant getting to know that stranger called "me" and learning that I am a child of God, worthy of love and respect.

Once I knew that in my heart, once I learned that I don't have to be perfect but that I can be lovable, warts and all...it was then that others learned how I expected to be treated and what was acceptable in my life and what was not.

Loving ourselves is to honour our spirits, to honour what is healthy for us and to take good care of the good person we are.

Hugs

MsPINKAcres

Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay.
--Codependent No More

This is a beautiful statement. And as much as I hate to admit it - still one of the ones I still struggle with the most.

I can say the words aloud, but not always feel them in my heart. Why? Because I know my faults, my defects of character, my physical, mental and emotional flaws, bumps, and bruises.

But because of recovery and my Higher Power - there is an calm peaceful voice in side of me that says - that is the old way of thinking - that is not important.

The God of my understanding says to me "You are lovable just because you are".

Thanks, Ann.

Great reading!!

Love & HUGS,
Rita
:ghug3

krhea75

Thanks Ann,
I am working on loving myself and forgiving myself. I keep realizing that I really did do the best I could at the time with what I had. It wasn't taht I didn't try to do the right thing. I've spent so much time trying to blame myself for not seeing things in my marriage soon enough or my son's addiction, but slowly I am beginning to see myself at the time of each incident, doing what I thought was right and facing things as I could. These were powerful words for me today. I missed your post yesterday! Just know how important these posts are to me.
krhea

strongerwoman

Thanks so much for sharing this, I really needed it!