hope213

i do not know what is going on with me. right now i am just not happy. writing it down sometimes seems to help so here i go. i feel like i just want to cry it out. i can't even do that. mr. hope gets so upset when i show emotions. he wants me happy & i am glad he does, but it makes it hard on me sometimes. he has worked for yrs. trying to do that. i think i get worse when i am tired & it seems as if my job takes all of my energy & time too.i will work a 7 day week,all shifts, have a day off or even another but never 2 in a row. j. goes to court tuesday(15th). i keep that on my mind,even tho i try hard not to dwell on it. he is my son & i am scared for him & for the ones who love him. i will be glad when all these court caes are behind him. tuesday he will b trailed as habitual. the court gave him another lawyer but j. is just wanting to get it over with. i am scared for his life. i got a letter from him stating that he put a friend down as emergency contact,he did not want the nurse calling me. i am scared he is going to try to harm himself or worse.i got up this morning wanting to go see little j. i told mr. hope & he says lets go shopping instead. what i really want to do is go see little j. & have the time(drive) by myself.i have not gone to see him but once & i feel the need to see him. who knows what is going on in his mind. he knows his dad is being trialed as habitual.he does not write me at all.from what i hear he does not write anybody. his social worker called friday & he said he had been to see little j. & he he had told him to please call me & tell me he loved me.i know that theres nothing i can do for either one of them. little j. got in to trouble last month & will go to adult court(he is 16 now) the end of this month.his charges are assulting a school official. mr. hope trys to protect me from everything & it can not b done.he has a block on our phone blocking all calls from both j.'s. i would really like to talk to my son,i think. i have not talked to him since he was arrested in May. my non addict daughter is having a lot of problems. she has always been there for everybody & now i can do nothing for her. i am at the age where i can not help anybody when it comes to money. i let j. & his wife drain us. i feel so bad for her.it seems since her divorce she has just had bad,bad, luck. she is such a good girl. it is just a lot of things & i know i have no control. let go & let God, i know all of these things. i have put it into pratice but it has been so hard the last few days. i am so tired but have that nervous energy that i can not lay down. i just feel very anxious. i feel as if i am to the breaking point. my b.p. is high & feel as if i am hyperventilating most of the time. i should feel blessed, i have a job & i have my health & i do most of the time but not today. sorry this is long but i just have no one to talk with,. i feel very lonely & scared about everything. please say a prayer for me & my family. thanks for reading all of this.

ladyamalthea

hugs and prayers from this corner

cmc

((((hope))))
I'm sending you my thoughts and support and also sending along some prayers for some relief from all these problems.

Please remember to take extra care of yourself especially now when you're feeling so badly about those you love.

teke

hey hope, you're in my prayers. maybe you can lay down when you get a chance, find a good book and do some reading. do something that will help you not think about all thats going on for a little while. maybe if you can find a way to rest your mind, you can get your body to do the same. just a thought, you do have a lot going on but you have to take care of you too.

krhea75

(hope213)
Boy have I been where you are, stressing to the max. I don't know, if you want to see your grandson, you should do it. I am learning more and more to follow my heart and what I want, not what everyone else wants. Even if it's a mistake, I stayed true to me. When I get that antsy energy, I work on my house...paint, clean, whatever. That works for me. Find an outlet for your pent up energy. It will get your mind off things and you'll accomplish something. Hang in there.
krhea

imallright

You always take the time to respond to me when I reach out and I value your support. Please know that I am thinking of you and I have faith that you will be ok. Please take care of you and try to relax... You seem like you are a very strong woman, but you have a ton of "junk" happening right now. Please remind yourself how strong you are, how far you have come and know that you have all of us here, praying and pulling for you. Big HUGS!!!!

duet_4-8

Sending prayers and support your way. I know how you are feeling; I have felt the same way. With me, it seems to come in cycles and if I can just hang on and ride it out it gets better in a few days. Taking a long walk, alone, works to clear my head (if you are in a place where that is possible and safe to do).

Be kind to yourself-you are very special!! Hugs to you from Tennessee

frankly

((hope))

It almost sounds to me like you are on the verge of a major panic attack. Honey, take some real deep breaths, run yourself a hot bubble bath, lock the door and give yourself some space to think. If you really want to go see him, then go, Mr. Hope will just have to understand that. You may even want to consider taking some time off of work to get some down time for yourself. The stress WILL kill you. Do whatever you have to do to relieve some of that stress. You need a vacation from all of it, for your own health and sanity.

Sending lots of Hugs, Prayers and understanding
B

peaceteach

Hi Hope,

I've had a bad case of the "sads" lately also. Today I picked up a novel and just read instead of letting my mind go places where it's no good. I too think that these moments come and go and we just have to ride the wave and distract ourselves until we get back to "normal" with our emotions. I'm wondering how much hormones have to do with as well.....? Anyway, just wanted you to know I've read this and am thinking of you

hope213

i did not go see little j. maybe that wasn't the best idea with j's court coming up tomorrow. i will not be there but my heart will. i am going to try to ride this out for a few more days & if i can not walk thru this i will go to the dr. thanks to all of you for reading this,for your support & just for caring. most of all thanks for the prayer.

BBD

Hi Hope~ I haven't been around in 2 weeks so am now trying to catch up here. My heart goes out to you. My hubby doesn't let my son get to him anymore at all and when you have noone to talk to its really hard!! He hardly mentions Chris's name...its me that has to bring him up. Try to stay centered which I know is almost impossible but know that I'm thinking of you and your family........and praying for the best outcome....Smiles, Bonnie