he is going to rehab... AGAIN
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 456
he is going to rehab... AGAIN
So, the boyfriend is going to rehab for the third time and I just don't care to visit him. I live in New York City and this place is about an hour train ride away... It costs about thirty dollars to get out there, and its on a Sunday... I have a ton of reasons, but for the most part, I am TIRED OF THIS and I am starting to give up on him, even though he is going to a rehab... I am becoming bitter and don't like it. I just don't care anymore and don't want to get my hopes lifted, only to be stomped on again...
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
I know how you feel.
The thing is, you don't have to have any excuses to not go see him. If you don't want to go, you are doing him no favors by being there. He will recover when he's ready, regardless of what you are doing. Rehabs teach the addicts to work on themselves and focus on their recovery. Believe me, you are not hindering his process if you don't show up. If he leaves rehab "because he was depressed because you didn't show up," then he was just looking for an excuse to leave and was going to do so regardless.
If you find yourself wishing you had gone, you can always write him a letter. But don't do anything that you really don't want to do, because then you may resent it later.
Just remember that addiction is a very odd disease in that the best way to help the sick is to not focus on them, but rather to put yourself back at the top of the priority list. If nothing is changing, they have no reason to change.
Best wishes, and much love!
The thing is, you don't have to have any excuses to not go see him. If you don't want to go, you are doing him no favors by being there. He will recover when he's ready, regardless of what you are doing. Rehabs teach the addicts to work on themselves and focus on their recovery. Believe me, you are not hindering his process if you don't show up. If he leaves rehab "because he was depressed because you didn't show up," then he was just looking for an excuse to leave and was going to do so regardless.
If you find yourself wishing you had gone, you can always write him a letter. But don't do anything that you really don't want to do, because then you may resent it later.
Just remember that addiction is a very odd disease in that the best way to help the sick is to not focus on them, but rather to put yourself back at the top of the priority list. If nothing is changing, they have no reason to change.
Best wishes, and much love!
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 328
I had to get a life, whether or not the addicts in my life ever got sober. And good thing I did - because it took one AS 25 years to make it! I'd be in the looney bin without Alanon.
Read a book, take a walk, take a bubble bath, get a hobby (I didn't even remember what a hobby was - worrying and trying to keep tabs on them was my hobby!), take a class, reconnect with friends and/or family, take a nap - that's all the kind of stuff I had to relearn to do. Amazing how when they went to rehab I had huge voids in my life - and lots of time. I never realized how much of my life was spent waiting for the next shoe to drop.
Don't know if you go to Naranon or Alanon - but that's what really helped me let go. We didn't have CoDA meetings in my area.
I used to send funny postcards or cards - and just said "proud of you for dealing with your addiction. Mom".
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
Read a book, take a walk, take a bubble bath, get a hobby (I didn't even remember what a hobby was - worrying and trying to keep tabs on them was my hobby!), take a class, reconnect with friends and/or family, take a nap - that's all the kind of stuff I had to relearn to do. Amazing how when they went to rehab I had huge voids in my life - and lots of time. I never realized how much of my life was spent waiting for the next shoe to drop.
Don't know if you go to Naranon or Alanon - but that's what really helped me let go. We didn't have CoDA meetings in my area.
I used to send funny postcards or cards - and just said "proud of you for dealing with your addiction. Mom".
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
Listen to your heart. I have been working on this, trying to figure out what I really want. Not what everyone else is telling me. It sounds like you have a pretty good idea of what you want. Now just do it. Don't let anyone guilt you into anything.
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
There you go littlebrd~~Sounds like you've had enough of this additive lifestyle. Sometimes I wish I could just walk away from it but the addict in my life is my son. He says he's doing fine but living an hour away is difficult for me.NOT that I should be checking up on him ~~so maybe distance is good. Is it possible for you to not have contact with him for awhile??? I'm at a loss for what really wakes up an addict but I did tell my son a few weeks ago that distance is what I need.....for my sanity. Good luck sweety. My heart really does feel for you girls that have bf's using. It
s not my place to tell you what to do so I'm sending hugs instead!! Smiles, Bonnie
s not my place to tell you what to do so I'm sending hugs instead!! Smiles, Bonnie
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 456
OK... another update... I put my foot down. I told him to please not call if he doesn't go to rehab. He claimed that he is clean and is uncertain as what to do. I told him, how do I know he is clean? How do I know that things are working out?... Just by his word?... PLEASE, if I went on his word, then when he was nodding out, it was becasue he was "tired".... long story short, he is going to rehab... so now I can work on me 
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ma
Posts: 320
Originally Posted by littlebird77 
OK... another update... I put my foot down. I told him to please not call if he doesn't go to rehab. He claimed that he is clean and is uncertain as what to do. I told him, how do I know he is clean? How do I know that things are working out?... Just by his word?... PLEASE, if I went on his word, then when he was nodding out, it was becasue he was "tired".... long story short, he is going to rehab... so now I can work on me
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: lebanon
Posts: 10
I feel you
i know what it feels like to be the girlfriend of a drug addict. you are constantly hiding from people around you because you couldnt stand the looks in their eyes when they ask you: are you still with him? or he's back in rehab? it just kills me everytime to think how much of a failure it is to be with him, its a pemanent deceipt and an ache that pinches the heart.
the thing is i am 21 years old, i met my bf when i was in my first university year which is 3 and a half years ago and i always knew he was an addict, he told me right away before getting involved in a relationship with him. at firt i felt repulsed because he was so thin and looked really sick and tired all the time...then, i was totally in love with him because i found something so special about being with him: he was the "shady" type of guys u know? like the type of guys that was ironic about everything, irresponsable, hard rock and metal music fan...he was even a drummer in a band
and today as i look back at everything: i just realize that 3 and a half years of my life have been gone to waste and what hurts the most is that we bearly spent a couple of months together through these years because he was on rehabilitation most the time.. i mean thats his fourth time in a rehab but still he wouldnt learn, it kills me the fact that i cant see him because the rehab he's in states in its policies that only family is capable of seeing him. i ve been waiting for the firts of this august because i can only hope that they will let him out on this day just to spend the weekend with his family outside rehab, i m just hopeful and so down at the same time knowing that whenever he will get the chance, he'll bump into dope again...
the thing is i am 21 years old, i met my bf when i was in my first university year which is 3 and a half years ago and i always knew he was an addict, he told me right away before getting involved in a relationship with him. at firt i felt repulsed because he was so thin and looked really sick and tired all the time...then, i was totally in love with him because i found something so special about being with him: he was the "shady" type of guys u know? like the type of guys that was ironic about everything, irresponsable, hard rock and metal music fan...he was even a drummer in a band
and today as i look back at everything: i just realize that 3 and a half years of my life have been gone to waste and what hurts the most is that we bearly spent a couple of months together through these years because he was on rehabilitation most the time.. i mean thats his fourth time in a rehab but still he wouldnt learn, it kills me the fact that i cant see him because the rehab he's in states in its policies that only family is capable of seeing him. i ve been waiting for the firts of this august because i can only hope that they will let him out on this day just to spend the weekend with his family outside rehab, i m just hopeful and so down at the same time knowing that whenever he will get the chance, he'll bump into dope again...
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