MsPINKAcres

Fear - such a powerful word - It can start that nauseating feeling in the pit of my gut and slowly spread throughout my entire body; taking over each and every part of me - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Especially when you hear the words back surgery and AH in the same sentence. Just typing it makes me a little quesy.

There is a good possibility that my hubby will have back surgery to repair a couple of disc in his back from the dog attack that happened in December. Still doing more test, but with him only at about 4 months sober, I don't know if I AM ready to be around him when he has surgery, not even considering if he is ready.

I know that the decision is still a few weeks off - but for this crazy person who lives in "Ritaville" to not let this fear control me - I have to "what if" the situation all the way thru. I have to face the fear.

So for the past few days the God of my understanding & I have been working thru these fears. Chaired my f2f meeting Wed nite on FEAR, we have lots of good readings in our Courage to Change daily meditation, lots of people shared how they dealt with fear and so life is still going on. I have prayed, talked, journaled, and prayed a lot more.

And I'm not ready to jump off a bridge today - which is where I would have been before recovery.

I was reading thru Nar-Anon's book Sharing E, S, & H page for July 31 -

Thought for Today : I have choices in how I will deal with my fear. I can choose to face everything and recover, or to forget everything and run.

[I]"Fear is like fire. If controlled it will help you; if uncontrolled, it will rise up and destroy you. People's actions depend to a great extent upon fear. We do things either because we enjoy doing them or because we are afraid not to do them." [I]~John F. Milburn

Fear is a feeling that I will probably experience the rest of my life. But that is not a bad thing - It just is a thing. I am grateful that recovery is teaching me how to face the fear, deal with the feeling and continue with the rest of living the day as best I can -

Happy, Joyous and Free

Praying your day is Happy, Joyous and Free too.

Rita

Jody Hepler

FEAR - Forgetting Everything is All Right

Right now, this moment, all is ok. I look at my feet and that's where my head should be. Not in the past or in the future. Easier said than done.

When my RAS had knee surgery in early recovery, his sponsor dealt with him and the pain meds. He went to drs. appointments with him (I was there too - at that point I couldn't let go) and was there after surgery. And he came through it just fine. Guys picked him up for at least a meeting a day while he was home. And also brought meetings to the house.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

MsPINKAcres

that's great jody - thanks for sharing.

My AH had foot surgery in 2006 almost 3 yrs sober, right after that is when he started going down hill on his way to the huge relapse. He did ok right after surgery, but about 2 months after wards is when things started to change. Over the next two yrs was that slow and progressive downward spiral out of control.

It was like living in H#LL again.

At this point in my life, I can't say that I am grateful for his relapse, but I am grateful for the spiritual growth and the deeper relationship that developed between me & my HP.

So if it does happen again - I know what to do, have the tools -

Thanks for the reassurance,
HUGS,
Rita

greeteachday

Japic, I read so much recovery in your post. Recovery doesn't make our feelings go away, it just gives us the tools to deal with them as you have so eloquently illustrated.
I'm working through some fears now too, unrelated to addiction. Fear of change. Things at work are at an all time low, morale-wise and the "regime" in place right now cares little if at all about the employees. I am trying to focus my attention on what I can do in my little part of the work world to continue to make the positive differences we have made despite marching orders to realign, to shift in ways that to me do not help others and may hurt them. I'm overly protective of the staff reporting to me and hurt for the hurt I believe they will feel when told of these changes. I have to keep pulling my tools out; remembering there is no one "right" way and reminding myself that what I think is right isn't "the" way to go. I am not marching blindly, but trying to express my concerns in a positive way and make suggestions rather than criticize.

Once I have spoken, I must let go and trust in my HP. I am trying to spend quiet time and sharing time at meetings helping to remind myself that part of my anxiety is fear...Fear of change, fear of moving beyond my comfort zone...fear that some of the change is because I am perceived as not good enough. That's my insecurities speaking, not reality. (It was a struggle not to write, not reality, I hope...wow how much work to do still on self confidence!)

BTW, we are using SESH at our meetings now in addition to Courage to Change. It's a great addition and the readings sure do speak to me.

Thanks so much for sharing your fears and how you are working through them. My prayers go out to you and your AH.

MsPINKAcres

thanks greeteachday,

will lift up your work situation to my HP, asking Him to intervene with His love, compassion and plans for better for each of you!

Today's reading (7/14) in SESH was awesome for me - going to post it!

Peace & Joy to you,
Rita