beegee

I finally got a letter from her today. She said she was sorry she was ignoring me with the phone but she just didn't know what to say. She was angry that I took her cell.
She said she got her first chip for surrendering. That was the first talk og her and her drugs that she has mentioned.

Also she wrote a poem of her first day, she had to read in front of everyone and I know she must have been terrified because she is very shy to speak.

Also she said she has arranged for her sister and I to come up on her day off and have a meeting with her counselor. That made me feel better knowing we were finally going to get to go there, and that she wanted me there. I was really wondering.

Now I have to ask you all something. Her car insurance lapsed and they say that will just get worse financially every month? I didn't mentioned it to her in my letter to her because I know she is going to be upset with no car. Do I wait to mention it till she gets home, or tell her when I see her up there? I don't want to wreck anything you know. That is her joy her car so I know it will hurt to find out she can't drive...

marle

That is a tough one. You could just wait and see how things go on the first visit with her. It may be really emotional as the drugs have left her system and she is probably feeling the guilt and shame of what she has done. I know that early recovery was very emotional for my daughter and so I kind of avoided anything serious with her. Since she has been coming home on weekends we talk more. Hugs and have a good visit, Marle

Chino

One of the advantages of rehab is having counselors right there to ask for advice.

littlebird77

If this was me, I would tell her while she is in rehab. She will have the support system there to help develop a game plan when she gets out with no car. I would also have the fear that if I waited 'till she got out, that she would get angry and use it as an excuse to relapse. .....

beegee

Chino,
I tend to think your suggestion is best or the safest. Thankyou

beegee

Thanks little bird that is exactly what I am worried about later.

beegee

Marle,
See I am pretty ignorant as to what she is going through physically and she doesn't say anything it to me. I try to say things to her that I am aware of but she doesn't open up. Possibly after out first visit with her..don't know I hope so.

JMFburns

((beegee))
Hang in there and I hope you enjoy your visit w/your D.
Joan

pjbs55

beegee,
I'm glad she wrote you the letter. I agree with chino talk to people at the rehab and listen to what they say. They might tell her for you when they think they should.
Your daughter is in the place her HP wants her in, and he will stay with her.
Take it one day at a time, and while she is there work on your recovery.
Hope your visit goes well when you see her.

caileesnana

Prayers for you and your daughter. I am glad she is safe and working toward a life of recovery. You could ask the counselor what they think, you'll probably have a meeting alone w/ them.

susan

beegee

JMF Thank you I am excited to see her.
PJBS , caileesnana, I sure hope I get a chance to talk to someone out there. Not sure because they are adults yet they need something... And having this time to myself is better then I thought it would be. Thanks

Jody Hepler

I always dealt directly with the counselor - either by phone or in person when I visited - with any kind of financial stuff or any other "news".

It was important for me to "get out of the middle" and let my RASs start to handle life on their own - including consequences of their actions, financial stuff (they learned they couldn't afford to get a car), getting rides to meetings, finding a job or doing without money, etc.

And actually, then I could just love them and get to know them again. And be the encourager - "I'm so proud of you", "Your mother has raised very smart sons, I know you will figure this out", "Wow - I've never had the problem, I really don't know what to say". And all of those other things I learned from parents ahead of me on the road to codie recovery.

So glad you have heard from her. Treatment was for them learning new ways of life, without drugs or alcohol - and while they were gone, it was time for me to make some changes too. Scary and exciting at the same time. But it has been a great new way of life.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

beegee

I swear to god this post has been missing the entire afternoon???
Jody Helper,
I know I have been thinking already what to do with anything I have left. I mean I feel like I need to keep my purse on me, my jewerly on me it is terrible.
I don't want to be obvious but...
I hope to talk this counselor. It will be some meeting after all this time but I am looking forward to seeing her. I think once I hear her talk and see her face that I will know more. Maybe not??
I know I am not bailing her out and that isn't cause I am so strong, it is because I don't have a nickle to spare now. I couldn't put her in jail for what she took. I can shut the door if she messes up this time though but I pray she doesn't.

greeteachday

((((BeeGee))))) I'm glad that you heard from her, that's something to be grateful for. I completely understand how you feel. I felt that "walking on egg shells" feeling too when my daughter was trying detox then rehab (then detox than rehab again) It was very hard to understand what I was hearing at meetings and here that I had to focus on me and let her and her counselors and her HP work it out. I was nervous about that first visit too...what to say, what not to say. I finally settled on just being myself and letting things unfold as they would. I was so happy to see my daughter and so excited to see the wonderful child who was hidden during active use, that everything just fell in place and I enjoyed the visit so much.

I too dealt with the counselors on issues that I was uncertain about. It did seem that bad news type things were good to bring up while in treatment with all that support surrounding her.
Hugs and prayers for you and your daughter. I do hope you are feeling better and a healing from your surgery.

Theresa

Do you live in a town where not having a car would isolate her? This is an important question. If she lived in a city, a car would not be important because she could still get out and see and be with other people and go to public places (museums, art opening, and parks).

I live in a town where having a car is very important to the young people: without one they are left alone or turn to online connections. Even with a car, I find the lack of accessible public transportation to entertainment leads to drinking in small groups because these kids cannot come up with anything else to do.

Cars and insurance as SOOOO expensive, even when kids have no addiction problems.

If you do live some place where a car is important for socializing, is it possible to have your daughter move to an urban area where she can be out and about without a car?

beegee

My daughter said she couldn't make the Wed meeting now. So I am going to drive up there today for the Sat visit. I am going to call to make sure I get on the list since she doesn't expect me. I will tell you all about it this evening when I get back.

Theresa,
no she doesn't need her car, we are close by, she is just used to having it. She lives for her car and her cell and I took away the cell. And that was a costly little deal to. Just when you let insurance lapse it start getting expensieve and it cost me like 800.00 the first time I helped her with her car and tickets and stuff and I worked at the court house and still couldn't do anything. So I know this is a killer but I am more worried about telling her.

Greet Teach Thanks,
because I am thinking I am the only one who is so nervous about seeing my own child for a million reasons. I am sure your right, everything will fall into place an it will all be ok.
Tell you all tonight how it went...:praying