My Update-and Parent Check-in
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Home
Posts: 178
My Update-and Parent Check-in
Hi everybody. Its been a year or so since I last posted. Short version-I have a
son -21 now who has been addicted to heroin for almost 4 years. He is now going
to a methadone clinic, but not any other recovery. He rides his bike there, but I
want to drive him myself sometimes. Would you consider that enabling? Stupid
question- but I worry about him getting hit by a car- this town has heavy traffic,
and almost no public transportation.
My other update- my cancer is in remission, and my hair is growing back!
thanks for letting me share.
son -21 now who has been addicted to heroin for almost 4 years. He is now going
to a methadone clinic, but not any other recovery. He rides his bike there, but I
want to drive him myself sometimes. Would you consider that enabling? Stupid
question- but I worry about him getting hit by a car- this town has heavy traffic,
and almost no public transportation.
My other update- my cancer is in remission, and my hair is growing back!
thanks for letting me share.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
Yay for the cancer in remission!!!
And I remember you... I was wondering how things were going
IMO, driving your son to the methadone clinic may not be enabling him, but at the same time, (and please don't be offended by this, as I am basing this off of a similar situation with someone else) are you sure that you don't want to drive him there so you can ensure that he is taking the medicine??? It just seems to me that this would be an invitation for huge arguments, at best, and a bad reason to add more stress to your life. If he's being responsible enough to take the methadone on his own, why try to step in?
I see no harm in offering to drive him there occasionally, maybe on a rainy day or something. But just make sure that you don't get worked up or offended if he says no thanks; who knows, maybe he's enjoying the bike ride. Exercise is good for him. I'd be more worried about a ten year-old biker on a busy street. But at 21, he really should be okay in that regard.
Either way, he's in this for the right reason or he's not, and no matter what you do, he'll still go down whatever path he was going to go down. Remember the three C's: you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't change it.
And I remember you... I was wondering how things were going
IMO, driving your son to the methadone clinic may not be enabling him, but at the same time, (and please don't be offended by this, as I am basing this off of a similar situation with someone else) are you sure that you don't want to drive him there so you can ensure that he is taking the medicine??? It just seems to me that this would be an invitation for huge arguments, at best, and a bad reason to add more stress to your life. If he's being responsible enough to take the methadone on his own, why try to step in?
I see no harm in offering to drive him there occasionally, maybe on a rainy day or something. But just make sure that you don't get worked up or offended if he says no thanks; who knows, maybe he's enjoying the bike ride. Exercise is good for him. I'd be more worried about a ten year-old biker on a busy street. But at 21, he really should be okay in that regard.
Either way, he's in this for the right reason or he's not, and no matter what you do, he'll still go down whatever path he was going to go down. Remember the three C's: you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't change it.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
so excited that the cancer is in remission!! and hair growing back - girl you deserve a day at the spa!!
Prayers for your son - as far as enabling - my questions to myself about enabling behaviors is am I doing something because I want to control the situation or because I feel it will ensure positive results - then it may not be in my best interest or in the best interest of the person I am doing it for. Just one of my check list.
Prayers for continued good health for you and best wishes for you as you walk this path with your son,
HUGS,
Rita
Prayers for your son - as far as enabling - my questions to myself about enabling behaviors is am I doing something because I want to control the situation or because I feel it will ensure positive results - then it may not be in my best interest or in the best interest of the person I am doing it for. Just one of my check list.
Prayers for continued good health for you and best wishes for you as you walk this path with your son,
HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
So glad that your cancer is in remission. It is wonderful news.
It also is great news your son is working on staying clean. I would let him know that if he ever wants a ride you would be happy to help him, leave it to him to say yes or no. If he asks for a ride don't have any preceived thoughts about what is happening. DON'T go into the clinic with him just wait in the car. I'm sure if someone else asked for a ride you would help, or if it is raining I'm sure you would ask them if they wanted a ride.
Do what you feel is best for you.
Hugs coming to you along with prayers
It also is great news your son is working on staying clean. I would let him know that if he ever wants a ride you would be happy to help him, leave it to him to say yes or no. If he asks for a ride don't have any preceived thoughts about what is happening. DON'T go into the clinic with him just wait in the car. I'm sure if someone else asked for a ride you would help, or if it is raining I'm sure you would ask them if they wanted a ride.
Do what you feel is best for you.
Hugs coming to you along with prayers
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Very happy to hear from you and so thrilled that your cancer is in remission!
My daughter lost her license for a long time. The time before this one, I offered rides all the time and I said yes if she asked (which was almost daily) all the time. Was it enabling? I'm not sure, but I know I built up a feeling of resentment...I felt I was the one suffering her consequence. But recovery has made me realize it really was my choice.
This time, I have my tools. She rebuilt her life around knowing she had no license. Occassionally she'll call and ask if I can take her to the grocery store or if she can take the bus to my workplace and I drive her to her apartment on a rainy day. I would do the same for a friend. I have no resentments now and I think she has also developed a feeling of pride that this is one more area of her life she has managed and managed well.
My daughter lost her license for a long time. The time before this one, I offered rides all the time and I said yes if she asked (which was almost daily) all the time. Was it enabling? I'm not sure, but I know I built up a feeling of resentment...I felt I was the one suffering her consequence. But recovery has made me realize it really was my choice.
This time, I have my tools. She rebuilt her life around knowing she had no license. Occassionally she'll call and ask if I can take her to the grocery store or if she can take the bus to my workplace and I drive her to her apartment on a rainy day. I would do the same for a friend. I have no resentments now and I think she has also developed a feeling of pride that this is one more area of her life she has managed and managed well.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Great news on the remission (((stephanie)))
One of the things I learned here is that only I could determine whether what I was doing was enabling. I often have to ask myself a few questions such as:
Will I resent having to do this after its done?
Is this something that I am preventing them doing for themselves, and therefore preventing their feelings of pride/success?
Do I have ulterior motives or expectations attached?
And sometimes most important: Is this an act of kindness I would show towards anyone in the same situation?
Clarifying these areas help me to get to the "why?" around things I often do.
I'm glad these days are brighter for you
(((Hugs)))
One of the things I learned here is that only I could determine whether what I was doing was enabling. I often have to ask myself a few questions such as:
Will I resent having to do this after its done?
Is this something that I am preventing them doing for themselves, and therefore preventing their feelings of pride/success?
Do I have ulterior motives or expectations attached?
And sometimes most important: Is this an act of kindness I would show towards anyone in the same situation?
Clarifying these areas help me to get to the "why?" around things I often do.
I'm glad these days are brighter for you
(((Hugs)))
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Stef,
Well, I'd say that's 2 good news's in one thread! Good for your son that he's on the recovery road, and good for you too that you're in remission!
Good answers all above me, so I'll just add some hugs!
Well, I'd say that's 2 good news's in one thread! Good for your son that he's on the recovery road, and good for you too that you're in remission!
Good answers all above me, so I'll just add some hugs!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Home
Posts: 178
Thanks for the advise and warm wishes everyone! I know that this is the
first step my son has ever taken, truly to get help-i just need to get out of the way, if that makes any sense.
The weather here has been extreme, over 100 so I feel that offering rides
is an act of kindness..and I wont feel like a resentful taxi driver.
I really needed to hear from you guys.
On another note- I went from being a long haired brunnete to a very short
haired blonde! Life is good.
Thanks again, Stef
first step my son has ever taken, truly to get help-i just need to get out of the way, if that makes any sense.
The weather here has been extreme, over 100 so I feel that offering rides
is an act of kindness..and I wont feel like a resentful taxi driver.
I really needed to hear from you guys.
On another note- I went from being a long haired brunnete to a very short
haired blonde! Life is good.
Thanks again, Stef
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