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trying one last time to get help

Old 07-08-2008, 12:00 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I know there is nothing in the world left that any of us can say to convince you that you are forcing yourself down a dark and destructive path. No matter how much you care about someone, you cannot care them into recovery.

Rehabs work as much or as little as the addict works them. Unfortunately, the people who work there have little to no more power than friends and family, less the teamwork that the addict will give them. And not everyone meshes well with every rehab situation. Rehab, like most major steps in life, is not a "one size fits all" remedy. To make a blanket statement that NO rehabs work is just not fair.

Also, have you ever seen or read anything about just how hard it is to get rid of dangerous germs? I've seen shows before where people who thought their homes were completely sanitized have been shocked to see just how dirty they are. You may think you're fully protecting yourself from the staph infection, and any other disease, but beware. All it takes is one mistake, no matter how minor, and you could be finding yourself getting very sick.

How are you using "prescribed" antibiotic cream? I thought he wouldn't go to a doctor? If it's something that is left over from another incident, what will you do when it runs out?

My final question to you is, what do you plan to do when he does manage to pull you under to the point of no return? Once you are so depressed that you start succumbing to his methods of self medication, then who will save him? Who will save you?

Please stop trying to frame him as a victim and do what you can to be productive in this situation. Life is short. Please take care of yourself, so you can be happy.
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Old 07-08-2008, 12:50 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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hi faithfull. glad to meet you. so sorry you are having to go through all of this. i will be praying for the both of you. i am a recoverering addict & married to one. i also have some medical problems, not as severe but i do know how manipulative an addict can be. they will try whatever is nessassary to be able to continue down that road of destruction without any resistance.

not the same i know, but my ah controls his mother by threatening her with him going to an awful prison if she don't help him. she has been evicted more times than you can count trying to keep him from stealing for his drugs. she stays sick and stressed and i believe that a lot of the medical issues i face today is a result of living with addiction. i agree with the others and i know that the advice from the others are given out of love for you and your love one. i do agree that maybe it would be beneficial to you and maybe to him if you would at least talk to his doctors. you would not believe the lies i use to come up with while active in my addiction. thats just what addict do. like the others, we care about your addict but we also care about you and wish for you to do the same
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Old 07-08-2008, 05:05 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Hi honey...Im sorry you are going thru this also...as said above, the worst hospital is better than cutting open boils with your knives and scissors...hope you arent using them...He needs medical attention...I had an addict husband, he kept telling me the doctors said he had bone cancer,[we were in the process of a divorce], he was skin and bones...amazingly, i saw him a year later, he looked great...getting off the methadone probably saved him...you cant help him, hospital or call hospice...maybe they can help
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Old 07-09-2008, 04:47 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I am confused.
Has this been going on for almost a year?
He does not want to help himself,I am sorry
you are taking the brunt of this madness.
He is very ill because of his poor choices.
My AH has been dying for years,his health
is poor. Hep C, cirrhosis, open wounds..........
Keeps going back to the bottle.
There is NOTHING I can do anymore
except save myself.
TAKE CARE OF YOU......
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Old 07-09-2008, 05:28 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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I live in canada too so I understand your frustration with our healthcare system. There is help out there for him (there was for me - free and good help), but he has to want it.

There is help for you too. There are counsellers that you can go to, again free of charge. There is addiction treatment services that offer help to family and friends. They have a great deal of contacts and advice on where to find medical help for people in your situation (where hospitals aren't the best option).

I encourage you to seek out an addiction resource center in your area.
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Old 07-09-2008, 07:56 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Again, thank you everyone, I really do appreciate your posts to me little ol me.

I would like to get him to a doctor, he blames for as I don’t have a car right now and he can’t walk to well and he says a doc close by wont give him painkillers, he needs to go downtown. I don’t know what to do. He wants me to find a lawyer to fight against the hospital that did the surgery this summer. But then he doesn’t want me to contact his methadone doctor. I have given him lists of doctors close by taking patients to no avail. I offer to take a cab to the hospital no avail. I have told him about another hospital in our area that’s better and he won’t go he says they don’t exist or can’t help him. It has to be downtown. For some reason they understand addicts better.

I hope I don’t get staph infection from him, I went to the doctor and he checked me out and said I look OK. The antibiotic cream he perscribed for me as I was worried about getting minor cuts on my hands so when I run out I can get some more. It’s mine no one else uses it.

OK and I won’t use the knives thought I was cleaning them well enough

This man told me last night I couldn’t believe it, that people can live their whole lives with a cocaine and heroin addiction without a problem. I couldn’t believe it.

He hates the program, says the people are bugs.

I have addiction problems myself and had successfully quit drinking for 2 and a half years and have had some slips lately. It’s just too much stress.

I didn’t realize but it’s true about the adrenalin, I feel so anxious like that always and sometimes he is so darn critical and mean to me. Other times, sweet. He always wants my money. Then complains there isn’t enough to move to a better place, get a car etc.

He needs drugs everyday or he can’t even get out of bed. He misses his methadone doctor regularly even though I make sure I’m around to get him into a cab. He doesn’t clean up after himself at all. It is very tiring as I do everything.

If I leave, then what happens, same as last summer? Once (I never told anyone this) I tried to leave in 2005, it’s a long story but he stabbed himself. I didn’t find that out until he admitted it a couple months ago. For the last 4 years or so he accused a guy I was seeing at the time who was helping me move out that he was the one who stabbed him. For years he would blame me for setting up the guy to stab him. I never did and I stopped seeing that guy the same day that he accused him of doing the stabbing. I just can’t believe he would not only lie about my friend stabbing him (when he did it himself) but also lay into me over and over again for years blaming me for it, when he knew it was a lie. I always said I didn’t he would get me so upset.

I’ll go see the doctor again. As for getting him to go, all he wants is painkillers from a doctor, not to really be treated.

Again thank you, this time I will try to keep connected. Thank you you all seem like really caring people.
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Old 07-09-2008, 09:18 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by faithfully View Post
If I leave, then what happens, same as last summer?
Maybe, maybe not. Where he is concerned, there is no way of knowing and that goes for if you stay, too.

If you leave, what will happen to you? If you stay, what will happen to you?
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Old 07-10-2008, 09:06 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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He knows that as long as you are there he will be taken care of. As others on this board like to say, nothing changes if nothing changes. He has no reason to feel a desire or need to change as long as you are here to rescue him. I'm convinced that the best thing you could do for him is leave. Then he will be forced to fend for himself, and he will be more likely to come to the realization that this is not working.

I understand how backwards that sounds, but remember that you're dealing with an addict. Don't you remember how backwards your logic probably was when you were deepest into your alcoholism? All common sense probably went out the window, didn't it? Addicts are the same way. So, you can't use conventional methods to reach them. Saying, "I love you and I care about you and we'll get through this together" is just an invitation for an addict to keep right on behaving in the same ways as they have been.

I know there's something to be said for the feeling that you helped him... it's easy to not want to "give up" on him so that you can be the one who helped him. But no one will give you a medal for your bravery. No one will even so much as turn their heads in admiration. By staying to try to help him, all you are doing is enabling him, and it is not helping either one of you.

You wouldn't tolerate a non-addict lying to you about your boyfriend stabbing him, would you? So why tolerate it in an addict? Sure, addicts do things like that because they are addicts, but that doesn't make it okay.

I saw on your post on another thread that you said you "have to" live with an addict, or something to that effect. You don't "have to" do anything with an addict. Believe me, with addicts, loving from afar is 150% better than loving while close enough to enable.

And don't worry about him stabbing himself because you leave. He stabs himself every day right in front of you. So obviously, you being there is not what makes or breaks his self mutilation. Just a thought...
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Old 07-11-2008, 09:15 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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I just wanted to let you all know, all who have responded that it is somehow integrating, thank you. For your help. I have seen some things in the last few days of reaching out. I could think about me for a change. He insulted me, he is always in an emergency, I cannot hold onto me.

Let our higher spirits lead us to recovery. I have a very long way to go. Please quote me on this.
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