BayAreaPhoenix

Hey all. I just am venting. My AH just called from (heavy sigh by AH), his attorney! Yes, now that I'm out, and a final agreement has been sent that is simple with everything we have agreed on, he finally went to an attorney. Oh my, such a burden and responsibility to be the one that has to take the time to do everything "dear".

Eeewwww. That condescending tone and words are like fingernails on a chalk board. It's not just when they're directed at me either, when he's like that to anyone within my hearing it just grates.

I know I'm out, and I'm soooo happy to be out!

Why and how does he think he has the right to be so arrogant? Who checked out on narcotics? Who is screwing up his life so that within a year or two probably won't have anything or anyone. I know, the delusional, gradios thought process. I know it, but it still manages to boggle the mind... The last two weeks have been so A free, I think this phone call just surprised me how much he hasn't changed. Nothing has changed - except me!

I just had to let it out. It's not the worst thing he could do.

That's it - no more. Starting tomorrow, it's 3 days of dogs, friends, fun and more settling in - all of which will not have even the slightest connection to AH.

I wish you all a Happy 4th! Thanks for listening (again and again!):ghug2

bigsister1982

Arrogance is the one thing I can't stand. I can handle the whining, the rage, the abuse, but when I get arrogance from my sibling I lose my cool! I just feel as though, 'Where do they get off being arrogant with me, when I have basically handled their entire life & state of affairs because they couldn't'

Enjoy your new life, it sounds exciting & far less stressful.

Here's a belated happy 1st from up north

Callie

CW - I totally understand your frustration - but look at it this way...he's being an a$$ - that makes it EASIER for you to do what you've needed to do for so long right? At least he's not putting the guilt trip on you or making you second guess your decisions. Maybe look at his arrogance as being a blessing in disguise? Doesn't this make it easier to walk away from a jerk than someone who you feel so much empathy/sympathy for?? Congrats to you for making your way to a healthier life. Enjoy your friends, your dogs, your family etc. Hang in there, you're moving by leaps and bounds forward now.

Ann

And that is what makes all the difference today. Just keep working on you and enjoy your new found freedom.

Hugs

MrsMagoo

Mine has actually been diagnosed with narcissictic personality traits (I know I didn't spell that right) and he stays arrogant - like he would get custody, like he's the good guy, like he's done nothing wrong.

I think sometimes you just want them to acknowledge the havoc they have made on our hopes, dreams, safety, security and lives in general. Their addiction affects every aspect of our life too. So that being said, I'm so glad that you are changing and recognize it. THAT IS FANTASTIC!!!

Lem

You are definitely AWESOME! I am envious - you are finally FREE! Have a terrific holiday!!

My CH just called me to tell me he was "coming over to my house tonight." I said - NO you are NOT. Then he says - "but I want to be with you/I want some." Like the last two years of hell never occurred. I say - good god CH leave it alone. Finally he says, "well call me tomorrow so that I know our son is safe." ??????? WTF???

Yeah - I'M the one who's not safe.

HE'S going to get full custody, yadda yadda yadda.

Drives me bonkers and then I get mad at myself for LETTING HIS actions have that much CONTROL over me.

BayAreaPhoenix

Yes Lem - His actions, but more - his WORDS having control! I know what this "lord of the manor" stuff from my AH is, just words, but boy - sometimes those WORDS just get right past what we've learned!

Tomorrow, just let him know your son is out in the backyard with a box of fireworks and matches - you're inside doing laundry! LOL! I know you would never say that, but don't you just feel like tweaking their beak sometimes? If they wouldn't escalate something like that into some full-blown thing - it would be sort of fun! Or, better yet, your son is in the living room sorting or playing with _____ (fill in with his DOC)!

I'm NOT in the mood for A's today (can you tell?), not active A's anyway that are no where close to recovery anyway.

WE are all going to be fine tho - I know it! We're all working and helping each other, we are going to make to sanity, safety, health and happiness!

:bbd:

11d

He knows how to push your buttons. Don't let him have the satisfaction. You are free....You are happy. You are in control of yourself, unlike him. Think of it as a blessing that he is aggrevating you. It makes it easier to stay away. It reassures you that you have done the right thing! I can't help but sigh....I wish I could figure out which road to travel!
Have a great time with your friends You deserve it!

Lem

Yes CW (and NOT crack w****!!) (I had posted a message earlier but it did not show up). You are totally right - the WORDS - in fact, he just now texted me to "remind" me that I need to keep "his son safe." So here were my responses - despite the fact that I should just not repond at all - I seem to be incapable of the NO CONTACT yet - but I am getting there. So I said "I know that you just want the heat off you. That's cool. I just pray that maybe one of these days you will truly see the path of destruction that you have traveled and the friends and family you have taken out along the way. I still love you - but I cannot continue to let your actions and words kill me like they do. I also do like like the inconsistency you have exhibited since [our son] was three months old. When you see him its not like you are a dad. You give him whatever he wants in an effort to make up for your absences and when I do not give him everything I am a "mean mommy" - you are a playmate to him.

so He texts back and says "F U you're the one who is a bad influence" (umm OK). to which - despite my better senses I once again respond with:

"again it is all about blaming me. That is sad that you have no ability to recognize your part. Or even acknowledge your abandonment of [our son] and me too. Whatever - we are sleeping so I am not even going to entertain or respond to your stupid accusations." "And by the way, you heartfelt claims of missing [your son] and that you are "his father" are lame. You don't miss him or me when you have a pipe in your hand. Your father was a father so where did you lean how to be such a neglectful - yet apparently owed- person?"

OK. So maybe I shouldn't have done that as it just again letting him get to me - but I keep thinking that maybe my WORDS will have some impact. yeah right.

BayAreaPhoenix

Oh Lem. If you feel better, that's what counts.

While yesterday was not a shining moment for me, I know that when I learned to finally detach enough to not respond, or at least give myself 24 hours before I did - it was better for me. Hoping my words meant something to him, I just ended up frustrated. If my words were heard and meant something, we wouldn't be where we are.

I got an email this morning myself, among other things asking why I say what I do to others, etc. I don't say anything - it's all in his head, but I'm not responding, let him live with whatever's going on in his head, that's much more than anything I can say and I'm not going to engage with a debate. I "relapsed" once yesterday, I'm not going to and have no need to do so again. I feel much better knowing I don't have to "think/obsess" about a response - all I have to think about today is how much watermelon to cut up and what time I need to be ready to go to the parade!

Hoping you and your son enjoy your day! Try to have a "free" day yourself and not think about your AH. Your own independence day!

(((hugs)))