Relapse common at 3 months?
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Relapse common at 3 months?
I was just reading last weekend on the substance abusers forum about this topic. Then Saturday night my RAS went to a wedding reception, full of high hopes, but talking about having a glass of wine at the wedding before he left. The 3 month thing was on my mind, and I said "It sounds to me like you are on your way to a relapse with that kind of thinking" and he said he was hoping I was going to agree with him. I was still thinking, oh, he's fine, he's really committed these days to his not using. He was home by 12:45 and seemed just fine, said he hadn't drank.
I couldn't get it out of my mind, though, the three month thing kept staying there. So yesterday I asked him point-blank, "Son, did you drink or smoke pot at the reception?" He again said no. But I kept thinking, huh, why does one stay out until 12:45 when receptions are usually over by 11? But I kept my mouth shut after that. He had a group that night with his counselor, whom he just loves. He also had let me know last weekend that he hadn't told his counselor about the wedding reception because he was sick of getting drug-tested since he volunteered for this program instead of being court-ordered or anything. So that was gnawing its way to the front of my mind also.
A little bit later, he said "Mom, I have to tell you something. I lied to you." And told me he'd had 2 glasses of wine and two hits off a joint of pot. He said he was sick about it, and that it wasn't that great, but he didn't want to be lying again. He knew that this could get him kicked off the suboxone program. I again stayed out of it, well, you know, as best I could, but I did remind him of how much he just praised his counselor, how much the man has done for him, and that lying to that man tonight (Monday, actually) was addict behavior, not recovery behavior.
He left early to go in and talk with his counselor before the group and told him, which went really well he said. His counselor told him that he (a recovering alcoholic) also relapsed once and that he thought my son was going to be okay, that he realized it wasn't worth it. So my son felt better.
Still, I sense a regression here in the house tonight. The positive, I am loving the way my life is going vibe is absent in my son for the moment. I hope he can get it back. I'm not sick about it or anything, but I do feel bad for him and was kind of hoping that you guys could offer up a prayer for his rededication to quitting the opiates, before he gets back into full-fledged using and ruining his chances with the suboxone program. Thanks, people.
I couldn't get it out of my mind, though, the three month thing kept staying there. So yesterday I asked him point-blank, "Son, did you drink or smoke pot at the reception?" He again said no. But I kept thinking, huh, why does one stay out until 12:45 when receptions are usually over by 11? But I kept my mouth shut after that. He had a group that night with his counselor, whom he just loves. He also had let me know last weekend that he hadn't told his counselor about the wedding reception because he was sick of getting drug-tested since he volunteered for this program instead of being court-ordered or anything. So that was gnawing its way to the front of my mind also.
A little bit later, he said "Mom, I have to tell you something. I lied to you." And told me he'd had 2 glasses of wine and two hits off a joint of pot. He said he was sick about it, and that it wasn't that great, but he didn't want to be lying again. He knew that this could get him kicked off the suboxone program. I again stayed out of it, well, you know, as best I could, but I did remind him of how much he just praised his counselor, how much the man has done for him, and that lying to that man tonight (Monday, actually) was addict behavior, not recovery behavior.
He left early to go in and talk with his counselor before the group and told him, which went really well he said. His counselor told him that he (a recovering alcoholic) also relapsed once and that he thought my son was going to be okay, that he realized it wasn't worth it. So my son felt better.
Still, I sense a regression here in the house tonight. The positive, I am loving the way my life is going vibe is absent in my son for the moment. I hope he can get it back. I'm not sick about it or anything, but I do feel bad for him and was kind of hoping that you guys could offer up a prayer for his rededication to quitting the opiates, before he gets back into full-fledged using and ruining his chances with the suboxone program. Thanks, people.
Last edited by peaceteach; 07-01-2008 at 09:37 PM.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
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You sound like you and your recovery have really "worked it"! I am sending prayers and good thoughts that recovery is the word and action for all of you in your space!
Does sound like good recovery behavior to come and tell you the truth and his counselor too. Stepping up, being accountable, doing the right thing. Those are hard to do even when you're not an addict! I admire his courage and committment!
Good thoughts, prayers and strength coming to both of you!
(((hugs)))
Does sound like good recovery behavior to come and tell you the truth and his counselor too. Stepping up, being accountable, doing the right thing. Those are hard to do even when you're not an addict! I admire his courage and committment!
Good thoughts, prayers and strength coming to both of you!
(((hugs)))
Let It Begin With ME
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Saint Clair Shores, MI
Posts: 42
I too admire his courage! I do think that its how they handle the relapse that matters. He realized he messed up right away. He was honest with HIMSELF by being honest with you and the counselor. So I think he is back on track. Relapse happens, but he owned it and now he can move forward! Also, I think you handled yourself pretty well. My prayers are with him and you.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Three months, or any time in early recovery can be a dicey time for any addict. It sounds like you son is on a good path trying to get back to a safer place and only time will tell how this works for him.
Good for you for hanging on to your good place, and for facing the reality of what may lie ahead.
My prayers go out for him, that this lesson learned will lead him to better choices in the days ahead.
Hugs
Good for you for hanging on to your good place, and for facing the reality of what may lie ahead.
My prayers go out for him, that this lesson learned will lead him to better choices in the days ahead.
Hugs
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Sending prayers that your son continues on the path of recovery. One of the women in my daughter's halfway house who is an alcoholic used some vicodin. She then told on herself. She was given another chance rather than being kicked out because they said her telling on herself indicated that she wanted recovery. She felt awful for a few days though and maybe that is what your son is feeling. The reality of how easy it is to slip may be taking away that pink cloud that addicts in early recovery feel. Hugs, Marle
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
For some reason, certain "anniversary" dates in recovery are more risky...3 months, 6 months, a year. It's like our mind plays tricks "I've been so good THIS long, it won't hurt me". I know I stuck really close to SR on my one-year anniversary because of it. It is certainly not a sure thing..he will relapse on this date. It's just one of those things we RA's prepare for.
That being said, however, I think what he did is showing he really wants recovery. He found out that a little bit of recovery can screw up getting high! When we work on recovery, and have a slip, we are left with so many BAD feelings about having done it, we realize it just isn't worth it.
He admitted what he did, took responsibility and got right back on recovery road. His counselor sounds awesome and I think your son learned a very valuable lesson.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
That being said, however, I think what he did is showing he really wants recovery. He found out that a little bit of recovery can screw up getting high! When we work on recovery, and have a slip, we are left with so many BAD feelings about having done it, we realize it just isn't worth it.
He admitted what he did, took responsibility and got right back on recovery road. His counselor sounds awesome and I think your son learned a very valuable lesson.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Thanks, you guys. Amy, he said something like that, and that he knows so much more now that it just wasn't the same and he didn't get out of it what he was hoping, I guess that's what he meant. Thanks for all the comments, friends. It give me hope also 
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 65
I really think it is great that he owned up to it, and was honest with you that is great and it is a step forward. My son relapsed at 3 months as well; he is back on his road to recovery right now. I was told by my son’s counselor that when they go back out and use after being in the program, they don't have as much fun, and they start to feel guilt. Some more than others...
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
WOW PT...... that is really so good that your son came forward. In general, when my boys come forward instead of getting "caught".... it makes such the difference.
I'm sure your son feels not good about that night, but the very fact that he was able to externalize what he was feeling internally is HUGE!
So... since it was not his DOC.... does that mean he loses the 3 month mark?
What I think (esp. in the beginning) ... is that some people can and some people just can't.
When I was in my early twenties.... and married... I 'chose' to be on the BC... but I wanted a baby SO badly... but intellectually knew I guess..... it just wasn't the right time...even though the consensus was..... "there is never a right time"..... but I would play the tape so to speak.... and well..... that is one helluva long tape!
KUDOS to your son for getting that off his chest heart and head.
I am saying a prayer for him this very second.... and will keep him in my prayers....... you too!
I'm sure your son feels not good about that night, but the very fact that he was able to externalize what he was feeling internally is HUGE!
So... since it was not his DOC.... does that mean he loses the 3 month mark?
What I think (esp. in the beginning) ... is that some people can and some people just can't.
When I was in my early twenties.... and married... I 'chose' to be on the BC... but I wanted a baby SO badly... but intellectually knew I guess..... it just wasn't the right time...even though the consensus was..... "there is never a right time"..... but I would play the tape so to speak.... and well..... that is one helluva long tape!
KUDOS to your son for getting that off his chest heart and head.
I am saying a prayer for him this very second.... and will keep him in my prayers....... you too!
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
He slipped, and he came clean...I pray that he learns what he was meant to from this exercise...sounds to me like he wants his recovery...
good for you Peace for staying clear...prayers for you both, hugs, grateful
good for you Peace for staying clear...prayers for you both, hugs, grateful
Last edited by grateful2b; 07-02-2008 at 12:13 PM.
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Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Sending prayers.... you are only as sick as your secrets and it sounds like he is telling on himself. Once you have a taste of recovery getting altered is never quite the same anymore. I know that for me and RAH that 90 days was tough. The pink cloud is wearing off and the real work of recovery has to begin for it to work. It's been a hard road for me to learn how to deal with my emotions without alcohol to tweak them. It was always my "default" mode. It sounds like your son has some great support.
Now - about you - you sound great and like your recovery has been shining through. You should be happy about your hard work and the pay off that you are receiving from it - a degree of some peace about the whole thing.
My RAH believed for a long time that he could still drink and have the odd joint here and there and be fine....you know, cocaine and crack were his problems, not that other stuff. It took awhile for him to get it that anything that altered his conciousness was a gate way drug. There are people that can do that I guess but it's not true sobriety. You have to find that out for yourself though and he sounds like he learned from his experience.
Hugs
Now - about you - you sound great and like your recovery has been shining through. You should be happy about your hard work and the pay off that you are receiving from it - a degree of some peace about the whole thing.
My RAH believed for a long time that he could still drink and have the odd joint here and there and be fine....you know, cocaine and crack were his problems, not that other stuff. It took awhile for him to get it that anything that altered his conciousness was a gate way drug. There are people that can do that I guess but it's not true sobriety. You have to find that out for yourself though and he sounds like he learned from his experience.
Hugs
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Like outtolunch said.....your son showed honesty.....and that's truly HOW it works (Honesty, Openmindedness, and Willingness). Kudos to your son, and for you too..... (o:
NoelleR
P.S. "...For some reason, certain "anniversary" dates in recovery are more risky...3 months, 6 months, a year..." (there are no staistics to show that relapses are more likely to happen at any specific time in one's recovery) ---- Funny thing about us humans; many things have been stated about us humans that separate us from the rest of the animal kingdom - opposible thumbs, a soul - but there's one more....: humans seem to have a tendency to see/create patterns where NO patterns exist....hmmmm.....just something to ponder....
P.S. "...It is certainly not a sure thing..he will relapse on this date. It's just one of those things we RA's prepare for..." ---- do I smell a self-fulfilling prophesy in the making....?.... lol
NoelleR
P.S. "...For some reason, certain "anniversary" dates in recovery are more risky...3 months, 6 months, a year..." (there are no staistics to show that relapses are more likely to happen at any specific time in one's recovery) ---- Funny thing about us humans; many things have been stated about us humans that separate us from the rest of the animal kingdom - opposible thumbs, a soul - but there's one more....: humans seem to have a tendency to see/create patterns where NO patterns exist....hmmmm.....just something to ponder....
P.S. "...It is certainly not a sure thing..he will relapse on this date. It's just one of those things we RA's prepare for..." ---- do I smell a self-fulfilling prophesy in the making....?.... lol
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Noelle- no, you do NOT see a self-fulfilling prophesy in the making.
I have no intention of relasping. I saw a friend, here, start floundering at 11 months, got to one year, and the next month relapse and had a very hard time getting back. Because of what he went through and the great folks on the SA forum that told me about the "flare up" times, I was more vigilant as I came close to my year. I surrounded myself with supportive people and I had no problem. It IS documented about the "anniversary" dates....saw the articles myself.
Part of my recovery is being aware of anything that may make me get into "stinkin' thinkin" and knowing what to do if I go there. The other night I got into a huge fight with one of my managers...wanted to say "screw it" and thought about getting high. BECAUSE of my recovery, I called and apologized, talked to her, then came back here and talked about it with my friends at SR.
I've got almost 16 months clean, and I am still adding to my recovery toolbox.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I have no intention of relasping. I saw a friend, here, start floundering at 11 months, got to one year, and the next month relapse and had a very hard time getting back. Because of what he went through and the great folks on the SA forum that told me about the "flare up" times, I was more vigilant as I came close to my year. I surrounded myself with supportive people and I had no problem. It IS documented about the "anniversary" dates....saw the articles myself.
Part of my recovery is being aware of anything that may make me get into "stinkin' thinkin" and knowing what to do if I go there. The other night I got into a huge fight with one of my managers...wanted to say "screw it" and thought about getting high. BECAUSE of my recovery, I called and apologized, talked to her, then came back here and talked about it with my friends at SR.
I've got almost 16 months clean, and I am still adding to my recovery toolbox.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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