wenchris

Yes, the knowledge that $$ is available i definitely a STIMULUS! It is so hard when there is available cash to get what they want/need, we are powerless over there choices. He obviously is no where near his bottom yet, legal troubles matter little in the eyes of an addict. You are right in stopping the giving, even in a place to live if that is enabling him. When he runs out of money to spend and things to sell and THEN starts getting sick because he can't get what he needs to stop from being deathly ill, detox will look like an answer. Until then, so many of us mom's have been right where you are and my heart is with you. I wish there was something I could say to make it an easier road.

kay1234

Wow Bren, so sorry you are dealing with this. I tear up just reading this, my son too is an addict and I went through the same things with him. My situation was a little different. I found myself fighting and trying everything I could to keep him home, he would keep running away he would be gone for weeks at a time. He too almost overdosed a couple of times, and I just kept praying that when that phone rang it was not the news that I had been dreading. He is in a lot of legal trouble as well.

This is a horrible disease, my son and I were always very close, and as I had him at a very young age it was almost like we grew up together. Finally I just had to give it up, and realize it is all about his choices, and I gave it over to my HP and prayed for him daily. We are still struggling, he is currently in his 3rd try at treatment, and he has been there since March. He came home on a 24 hour pass about a month ago and took off again and relapsed This time he didn't have much fun, and he was sent back to his treatment program. He says that he knows what he should have done but he didn't all he could do is think about how he was going to get high...he didn't have the intention of using when he came home for his pass at all...he just wasn't ready. The plan now is that he will be in treatment until September and then he is going to a halfway house for 6 months.

I know how hard it is because we have that Mommy instinct to make everything better, but addiction is one thing that we can't make better only they can. I will be praying for you and your son, the people here have wonderful advice and they are so great. I know it is hard but you are doing good, you will get through this.

rahsue

I'm sorry you have to go through this, I wouldn't wish addiction on my worst enemy. I feel for you I really do. I hope he sees the light soon and I hope you can have some peace in the mean time.


HUGS and PRAYERS

bren8854

Things are going down hill rapidly. My son has been home since 9:30 Monday night. We didn't hear a word from him yesterday so his Aunt tried his cell phone today. A police officer answered and said the they found him lying in a parking lot of a motel in a "not so good" part of town. They said he was alert. He had two prescription bottles; one was for 60 1mg of Xanax, the other for Percocet. He only 6 of the Xanax left meaning he took he took 54 mg of Xanax in a day and a half. He also had syringes and heroin on him. They took him to the nearest hospital. The hospital is going to be releasing him anytime (probably already have). He has a warrant for his arrest but the officer said that they could not sit at the hospital and wait for his release and the hospital could not tell them when he was being released due to privacy laws. This is the first time that my entire family hasn't flocked to the hospital for something like this. I am worried sick that we aren't there. I know he was expecting me anytime and figured he would be back home in his own bed by tonight. This might be the hardest thing I have ever done. We are leaving him alone to figure out how to get wherever he may be going. Please keep me in your prayers. I am so scared and sad to the very core of my being. I keep looking for my sweet boy and I'm afraid he is gone forever. Do you think I've done the right thing not to rush up to the hospital and if they should arrest him how long do we just let him sit without posting his bail? Life isn't fair and I know many, many parents suffer the loss of a child from diseases that are beyond their control. I've asked my son many times why he won't fight this the same as if he were diagnosed with cancer. I guess I'll never understand. To make matters worse, we are having a severe thunderstorm right now.

marle

Reading your post made me so angry at some of our laws. Privacy laws. Give me a break. We need to change some of our laws. If someone has a warrant out a hospital should be able to notify the police when they are being released. I am sure that you would rather see your son in jail than wandering the streets. My heart goes out to you. Many times I did not know where my daughter was. Went 7+ months last year without seeing her. I had to turn my back on her and let her hit a bottom. I just prayed it would not be death but I had to accept that it may be. She finally reached a bottom after 2+ years of daily opiate use. She went to rehab end of May and is still in a halfway house and doing well. She is on the suboxone program. So for today, there is hope. I will keep your son and your family in my prayers. Hugs, Marle

bren8854

I so agree about the laws. The fact that they are allowing my son out on the streets is absurd. Instead of sentencing him to a reasonable amount of time in jail and possibly scaring him straight, they will wait until he has hurt or killed himself or someone else. Then he will end up in prison for many, many years.

Impurrfect

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I agree about the laws, but the privacy laws have gotten so strict at healthcare facilities that THEY would be breaking the law and could get sued for violating them. I just have a problem when privacy is more important than safety.

As bad as it sounds, I hope he gets picked up soon. At least then you will know where he is and he will be away from the drugs.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

beegee

My heart goes out to you. It is a shame that the laws are like they are. We see it over and over on TV, one person gets out, one person gets put away for years. And who decides is a matter of mind that day?
I am sorry for your son and I hope he will be ok. And you must remain strong and hope for the best. ((((HUGS)))

bigsister1982

The laws are basically the same here in Canada. I felt completely helpless - like there was nowhere to turn to give my addicted sibling a safe place to be, except having them stay at home with my parents. I hate to say it, but in a way, the government is providing the 'tough love' that families aren't so good at administering.

I read this thread from beginning to end. What a heartbreaking decision that your son presented you with - my parents had to make the exact same decision. There is such a sense of entitlement - people who work their fingers to the bone to help self-centered children. Even if these people are in their 20's, 30', or 60's - they still act, and think, like a child.

I just want to give you a hug from thousands of miles away, and let you know that you are in my thoughts.

mooselips

bren,
Just want you to know I'm thinking of you...
and sending you big hugs...

CelineJ

Hi, Bren. this is the first time I've posted on this particular forum but I couldn't NOT answer your question. I've been there, too, just as many of the others have been as well.

I don't think you said how old your son is, but if he's late teens to early twenties, he's still got some maturing to do which could be one factor that led to his not wanting to stick it out for the additional two weeks.

It probably would have been better for you if you'd have gotten him to stay longer, but that did not appear to be possible since your son was adamant about leaving. It's not easy to argue with someone who is that determined to leave. Ideally, shouldn't it have been the director's job to try to talk your son into completing the program? I know the directors and counselors of rehabs. will say that it's an "open door" policy, that they can't make someone stay if he's determined to leave, but I mean, really.... if their counseling skills are half decent, shouldn't they be able to appeal to a client's rational side by getting him or her to see the wisdom in staying as opposed to the folly of leaving?

I don't think you had much of a choice, Bren, given the fact that no one at the facility was apparently able to convince him to stay, either, and maybe they didn't even try - which is worse, in my opinion. If that's the case, maybe your son is better OUT of there, then. Surely there are places that could offer a compelling enough program where he'd want to stay the full four or five weeks.

As for the ambivalence you're feeling regarding letting your son stay at your house, well, maybe I'm a softee, but I could not kick my son, who is 21, out of my house, not knowing what I do about intravenous drug use and the "friends" that will think nothing of not calling 911 should he overdose. I've heard too many stories like that and it would probably kill me before it killed my son to envision him out there somewhere, shooting up dope and ending up unresponsive and alone, in a park or in an alley somewhere.

No, thanks, the "there's the door" option is something I would not be ready for right now, and it could be that you are not ready for that, either, Bren. It's a big step, that's for sure, and it may eventually come for you and for me, but I don't think we're there yet, do you?

I wish you the best, Bren, and I will say a prayer for you and your family as you go through one of the toughest situations a family can go through.
(PS: Maybe you can work on lining up another treatment center to send your son should he relapse (hope not, but just in case)...).