need to vent (a bit long)
 

ASO is 30 year pot addict who has been trying to get clean for 18 months now. I didn't know it but he was having so much trouble getting clean that he decided that it made sense to add cocaine to the mix about 6 months ago. WTF.

We have been working with a financial planner to organize and protect our assets. We have a big mortgage (and monthly payment) and a small child.
Part of the plan was for each of us to have life insurance that would cover the mortgage for the other one, if we died. About 3 months ago, we decided to revise his life insurance set up as the premiums for him were stretching our budget. He had to apply for a new policy and go through a medical exam. A month ago, he was turned down because he tested positive for coke. This is how I found out about the coke! I was furious and told him to get clean or get out. So far, he is going to meetings and says it helps and that he's not using. Meanwhile, I am clear that I will follow through on what I said and I am focused on not making his addiction or recovery my problem anymore. BTW This site is helping a ton with that.

Anyway, today our financial planner sent us an email letting us know that he can't find any other insurance company who will insure ASO. We can try again in 5 years. So we can either keep stretching to cover the premiums that we can't afford or we can reduce his coverage and the mortgage doesn't get covered for me if he dies. (BTW He is 100 lbs overweight and his dad died of a heart attack at 2 yrs older than ASO is now and he hasn't had a medical check in years, so I have real reasons to worry about this).

I am just soooo angry at him for screwing this up for us. He has actually said that he thought that the test might catch the cocaine and that would help him quit. WTF. Of course, typical A, he didn't bother to consider whether it might actually have broader consequences than just what suited him.
Meanwhile, he still comments that he doesn't think that his drug addiction is that bad and it hasn't really caused any big problems for us. WTF.

Not to mention that, if he does move out, and he has to pay rent somewhere, he won't be able to keep up with the high premiums. So, my son and I will get screwed and may lose our home, if something happens to him. I am just beside myself with fury. I know that this may seem minor compared to some of the s--t that others are coping with, but I have worked hard to create a secure financial situation for us. I also know that talking to him about this will make me even madder. He will tell me that I am over-reacting, that it's not a big deal, that we don't really need insurance anyway 'cos he's going to live forever. Quack, quack, quack.

And, if I don't talk to him and just sit with it until I'm calmer, he'll probably accuse me of being cold and punishing him unfairly. Right now, today, I really hate the fact that I have ended up with this A in my life. :c004:

Thanks for listening. I really just needed to get this out of my head.

Matrix,
I am so sorry and you have EVERY right to be angry!!
Just a thought, maybe you can afford the premiums if he is not spending money on coke?

MAN! DO I EVER know what you mean there!:a043: