What if he od's and dies in my bed?
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
How do you know how much he is using if he is lieing all the time (your words)?
I ask because, according to what I told my husband I always only had had 2 glasses of wine!
If he is only snorting 80 mg a week, that gets into your system quick right? So he must be sober a good deal of the time?
I ask because, according to what I told my husband I always only had had 2 glasses of wine!
If he is only snorting 80 mg a week, that gets into your system quick right? So he must be sober a good deal of the time?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 13
he is sober on and off, he takes subuxone as a prescription every day but gets a wild hair up his ass and snorts oxy's randomly. Like if he buys one it cost $50 so he will make it last for a few days and then he goes back on subuxone again!
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 65
I get it that you are scared, as you should be for your child. But, it does not seem like you are willing to do a whole lot about it. You can't keep doing the same thing over and over and over again and expect different results.
Something is going to have to change, and by setting boundaries that means that you stick to them which it does not sound like you do, therefore he is not going to take any threat you make seriously.
Something is going to have to change, and by setting boundaries that means that you stick to them which it does not sound like you do, therefore he is not going to take any threat you make seriously.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I don't really know what answers you are looking for. You're a nurse....if he OD's you know what to do.....start CPR and call 911. You also know that
As far as thinking it will get better...it won't unless he wants it to.
I was a nurse for years. I am not, now, because addiction took over my life. Please, don't think "he's not stupid enough to bring drugs in the house"....I wasn't stupid, but I did a lot of stupid things when I was using. Addicts do not think rationally when they are using.
He's using substances to avoid life....take it from someone who's been there. He's also probably lying about how much he's using. He will continue to do the same, and probably get worse until he faces some consequences. I can't think of any addict who just quit. As long as he can get high and get away with it, why would he change?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
As far as thinking it will get better...it won't unless he wants it to.
I was a nurse for years. I am not, now, because addiction took over my life. Please, don't think "he's not stupid enough to bring drugs in the house"....I wasn't stupid, but I did a lot of stupid things when I was using. Addicts do not think rationally when they are using.
He's using substances to avoid life....take it from someone who's been there. He's also probably lying about how much he's using. He will continue to do the same, and probably get worse until he faces some consequences. I can't think of any addict who just quit. As long as he can get high and get away with it, why would he change?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
bumtwo, I have no experience with that type of thing. But my 23 yr old daughter does.
Her fiance snorted oxy, she had no idea. She just thought he was becoming mentally ill, took him to psychiatrists etc....
He began hallucinating, seeing people that weren't there, seeing spaceships flying out of the fridge etc. He eventually lost his state job when drug tested, this is when she found out his mental illness was oxycodone.
Until you make a decision.....
I would recommend you NEVER NEVER leave your son alone w/ your AH.
I would recommend he not sleep in the same bed.
When and if you decide, which I hope you do...Family Court is always an option to get a restraining order, custody, and child support.
You should NEVER have to live in that kind of fear.
Hoping the best for you and child. How old is your child?
NH7
Her fiance snorted oxy, she had no idea. She just thought he was becoming mentally ill, took him to psychiatrists etc....
He began hallucinating, seeing people that weren't there, seeing spaceships flying out of the fridge etc. He eventually lost his state job when drug tested, this is when she found out his mental illness was oxycodone.
Until you make a decision.....
I would recommend you NEVER NEVER leave your son alone w/ your AH.
I would recommend he not sleep in the same bed.
When and if you decide, which I hope you do...Family Court is always an option to get a restraining order, custody, and child support.
You should NEVER have to live in that kind of fear.
Hoping the best for you and child. How old is your child?
NH7
'Round and 'Round I Go....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 478
I think as loved ones of addicts we walk a finer line between love and hate than most people. We feel strong love for them but at the same time immense hate and anger for what they are doing. We jump in their defense in a matter of seconds even though defending them doesn't make a whole lot of sense when we know they are hurting us.
I came here just as confused. I loved him one minute...the undying kind of love but then the next minute I hate him but don't anyone dare say anything bad about him. I was a walking contradiction of words, emotions and behaviors. Boy that was a lot to work through on my part.
It is hard to see things clearly when your in the midst of someone else's addiction.
You seem to have a one dimensional purpose for this thread...you want a specific answer to your question...but lucky for me and lucky for you the folks on this site are not one dimensional kinds of people. They may not give you exactly what you want but they will give you what you need. So, please listen carefully to what everyone is saying to you because they all say it with a whole lot of love.
I don't think there is one person here who doesn't get it that you love your husband and you're not ready to leave yet and don't even know if that is even an option you will ever utilize. Which is okay, that is your choice and your choice alone to make. No one has to live your life but you.
Not following through on your boundaries is like the boy who cried wolf. After a while no one would believe that you mean what you say. You tried giving him boundaries but then he reverted back. Would you allow your child that leisure? If you told your child "No" wouldn't you mean "No" and stick to it? It's the same concept. So, it is doubly important to dish out a boundary that you know you can keep. It can't be something where you would have no answer if your husband retorts back "yeah, so what are you going to do about it?" Mean it and then Do it.
And yes, it is considered child endangerment, according to the law. I'm not going to get on a soap box about this but just one question......can you honestly, whole heartedly say you don't feel endangered and you don't feel your child is endangered because of his use?
I came here just as confused. I loved him one minute...the undying kind of love but then the next minute I hate him but don't anyone dare say anything bad about him. I was a walking contradiction of words, emotions and behaviors. Boy that was a lot to work through on my part.
It is hard to see things clearly when your in the midst of someone else's addiction.
You seem to have a one dimensional purpose for this thread...you want a specific answer to your question...but lucky for me and lucky for you the folks on this site are not one dimensional kinds of people. They may not give you exactly what you want but they will give you what you need. So, please listen carefully to what everyone is saying to you because they all say it with a whole lot of love.
I don't think there is one person here who doesn't get it that you love your husband and you're not ready to leave yet and don't even know if that is even an option you will ever utilize. Which is okay, that is your choice and your choice alone to make. No one has to live your life but you.
Not following through on your boundaries is like the boy who cried wolf. After a while no one would believe that you mean what you say. You tried giving him boundaries but then he reverted back. Would you allow your child that leisure? If you told your child "No" wouldn't you mean "No" and stick to it? It's the same concept. So, it is doubly important to dish out a boundary that you know you can keep. It can't be something where you would have no answer if your husband retorts back "yeah, so what are you going to do about it?" Mean it and then Do it.
And yes, it is considered child endangerment, according to the law. I'm not going to get on a soap box about this but just one question......can you honestly, whole heartedly say you don't feel endangered and you don't feel your child is endangered because of his use?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Is he spreading the 80mg out over a couple of days? My guy was doing 1000..... that is right ONE THOUSAND mgs a day at times!!!! But that just goes to show the insane tolerance he built up. He is lucky to be alive.
Anyway.... if you are that worried about it..... then have the OD remedy available.... there is one.... but I don't feel comfortable posting it. (I hope I don't get into trouble for typing that)
Really..... there is a bigger issue at hand.
And just like addicts have to be ready to face their disease, so do "we" codies.... also...... CPS is a reality, I'm afraid.
You said that you have told him many times that you will leave if he uses...... but you are throwing out empty threats. You are not up against him..... but the drug. Educate yourself more on the drug and the damage ... and the end result which is institutions or death. I'm sorry, but that is the reality. I know it's crazy, but your standing by him in active addiction is only hurting him. If you love him as much as you say you do..... then you will stick by your boundaries and make it clear that this is NOT OKAY for you and your child. How do you do that? First of all, by not making empty threats.... and by living your life for YOU and your son!
Stick around..... I have found so much helpful information here...... I think you will too!
Your husband *thinks* he is in control..... but really....... the opiate is in control over him! He is on suboxone for a reason!
Let him know that every time he uses an opiate..... he is just building more and more opiate receptors that are going to be craving more and more. The dynamics of opiate use is interesting and at the same time extremely scary.
Check out the Calli and spouses thread in substance abuse..... I found it to very helpful and in layman's terms.
Ultimately though..... you can't make him do anything ... all you can do is look after yourself and what your wants/needs are..... and lead by example...... he is going to have to come to all of this on his own. Let Go..... and let God......
and visit some al-anon meetings!!! You are NOT alone.
Anyway.... if you are that worried about it..... then have the OD remedy available.... there is one.... but I don't feel comfortable posting it. (I hope I don't get into trouble for typing that)
Really..... there is a bigger issue at hand.
And just like addicts have to be ready to face their disease, so do "we" codies.... also...... CPS is a reality, I'm afraid.
You said that you have told him many times that you will leave if he uses...... but you are throwing out empty threats. You are not up against him..... but the drug. Educate yourself more on the drug and the damage ... and the end result which is institutions or death. I'm sorry, but that is the reality. I know it's crazy, but your standing by him in active addiction is only hurting him. If you love him as much as you say you do..... then you will stick by your boundaries and make it clear that this is NOT OKAY for you and your child. How do you do that? First of all, by not making empty threats.... and by living your life for YOU and your son!
Stick around..... I have found so much helpful information here...... I think you will too!
Your husband *thinks* he is in control..... but really....... the opiate is in control over him! He is on suboxone for a reason!
Let him know that every time he uses an opiate..... he is just building more and more opiate receptors that are going to be craving more and more. The dynamics of opiate use is interesting and at the same time extremely scary.
Check out the Calli and spouses thread in substance abuse..... I found it to very helpful and in layman's terms.
Ultimately though..... you can't make him do anything ... all you can do is look after yourself and what your wants/needs are..... and lead by example...... he is going to have to come to all of this on his own. Let Go..... and let God......
and visit some al-anon meetings!!! You are NOT alone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Is he in a suboxone program or is he buying them from the streets. My daughter is on suboxone and gets urine tested weekly. The suboxone does not show up on the drug test but other opiates would. Also suboxone stays in your system for about 36 hours and you can't get high when you are on suboxone. So he plans his usage. My daughter does not have cravings or withdrawals with the suboxone. It sounds like your husband is abusing the suboxone and the oxys. Hugs, Marle
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 456
i am just wondering about all of this...
you are worried he will commit suicide, and yet he is, it is just a slow one.
you are worried about the drugs being found around the house by the cops, but what about your son finding the drugs?
what if you find your son dead from taking the drugs?
...if he is taking any type of drug that is not within the lines of prescription, then it is abuse.
I found my love unconscious on the stairwell of our apartment building. I called 911... I could care less about if I went to jail, or he went to jail. I do not abuse, no have any medications that would lead to abuse... the courts could drug test me all they want. He was the one nearly dead on the stairs, not me... The doctors told him that if I did not find him, he would have been dead....
Please continue to visit, go to meetings and look at this from the outside in...
If you find him dead, call 911, they will have someone come in to declare the body... You will have to explain to your son in your own way that dad is dead... The body will be taken away were a report will be made and the reason of death will be declared on the certificate.... You will need to find a funeral home, pick a coffin or decide on cremation, and they will help you with the arrangements. You husband will be six feet in the ground and you will try to move on....
OR... You can have an intervention with your husband and leave him if he does not want to get clean.
you are worried he will commit suicide, and yet he is, it is just a slow one.
you are worried about the drugs being found around the house by the cops, but what about your son finding the drugs?
what if you find your son dead from taking the drugs?
...if he is taking any type of drug that is not within the lines of prescription, then it is abuse.
I found my love unconscious on the stairwell of our apartment building. I called 911... I could care less about if I went to jail, or he went to jail. I do not abuse, no have any medications that would lead to abuse... the courts could drug test me all they want. He was the one nearly dead on the stairs, not me... The doctors told him that if I did not find him, he would have been dead....
Please continue to visit, go to meetings and look at this from the outside in...
If you find him dead, call 911, they will have someone come in to declare the body... You will have to explain to your son in your own way that dad is dead... The body will be taken away were a report will be made and the reason of death will be declared on the certificate.... You will need to find a funeral home, pick a coffin or decide on cremation, and they will help you with the arrangements. You husband will be six feet in the ground and you will try to move on....
OR... You can have an intervention with your husband and leave him if he does not want to get clean.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 13
Thank everyone SO much for all the advice!!!! I SO needed it today. I know one way or another and on my own terms I will be able to decide to leave because he has been using his whole life so I really think he is the type who will die an active addict. I am scared for my self and my son for our future without him but that is a choice I have to make on my own time .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 13
as far as CPS will they still try to take my son even though I will test clean and have a great career and take care of my son all by myself since my husband is never really around? The only time he is around is to eat or sleep because he works full time and owns his own side business.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Originally Posted by littlebird77 
i am just wondering about all of this...
you are worried he will commit suicide, and yet he is, it is just a slow one.
you are worried about the drugs being found around the house by the cops, but what about your son finding the drugs?
what if you find your son dead from taking the drugs?
...if he is taking any type of drug that is not within the lines of prescription, then it is abuse.
I found my love unconscious on the stairwell of our apartment building. I called 911... I could care less about if I went to jail, or he went to jail. I do not abuse, no have any medications that would lead to abuse... the courts could drug test me all they want. He was the one nearly dead on the stairs, not me... The doctors told him that if I did not find him, he would have been dead....
Please continue to visit, go to meetings and look at this from the outside in...
If you find him dead, call 911, they will have someone come in to declare the body... You will have to explain to your son in your own way that dad is dead... The body will be taken away were a report will be made and the reason of death will be declared on the certificate.... You will need to find a funeral home, pick a coffin or decide on cremation, and they will help you with the arrangements. You husband will be six feet in the ground and you will try to move on....
OR... You can have an intervention with your husband and leave him if he does not want to get clean.
you are worried he will commit suicide, and yet he is, it is just a slow one.
you are worried about the drugs being found around the house by the cops, but what about your son finding the drugs?
what if you find your son dead from taking the drugs?
...if he is taking any type of drug that is not within the lines of prescription, then it is abuse.
I found my love unconscious on the stairwell of our apartment building. I called 911... I could care less about if I went to jail, or he went to jail. I do not abuse, no have any medications that would lead to abuse... the courts could drug test me all they want. He was the one nearly dead on the stairs, not me... The doctors told him that if I did not find him, he would have been dead....
Please continue to visit, go to meetings and look at this from the outside in...
If you find him dead, call 911, they will have someone come in to declare the body... You will have to explain to your son in your own way that dad is dead... The body will be taken away were a report will be made and the reason of death will be declared on the certificate.... You will need to find a funeral home, pick a coffin or decide on cremation, and they will help you with the arrangements. You husband will be six feet in the ground and you will try to move on....
OR... You can have an intervention with your husband and leave him if he does not want to get clean.
Thank you.... that was really powerful.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Originally Posted by bumtwo
Thank everyone SO much for all the advice!!!! I SO needed it today. I know one way or another and on my own terms I will be able to decide to leave because he has been using his whole life so I really think he is the type who will die an active addict. I am scared for my self and my son for our future without him but that is a choice I have to make on my own time .
As for CPS... it's not going to be pretty..... anyway you slice it. And while you *think* about how it's going to turn out..... I can pretty much guarantee you ... that it won't turn out the way you think. That's life in general though isn't it? That's why you keep your side of the street clean..... walk where YOU like YOUR steps.... and be present in today!
Mr.MeToo?
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: East Coast to the Deep South
Posts: 828
its very unlikely that he will die from the amount of oxycontin he is using. snorting an 80mg pill and making it last for 2-3 days is a very small amount. Esp. being that he takes subs everyday when he is not on the oxy that means he already has a tolerance to opiates. So the chances of him ODing on that amount is HIGHLY unlikely.
Very hard in general to OD on Rx. pills because the user knows the quantity and quality he is getting each time. However, when somebody does die of an overdose it is mostly because they mix different drugs together (i.e opiates and benzos or benzos and sleeping pills etc).
I OD'ed a few times when taking heroin and i was a strict opiate abuser(no other drug took my fancy, tried them all) so i know a good deal about oxys and such....Be safe and i hope your AH cleans himself up~~~
Of course this is all based on if hes actually telling the truth on the amount of oxy he is using, you can never be sure with us junkies. I heard a term once when i was in rehab back in December "How can you tell when an addict is lying?? His lips are moving." Hated the saying at the time but now that ive been clean for a little while that saying is deaaad on! lol
Very hard in general to OD on Rx. pills because the user knows the quantity and quality he is getting each time. However, when somebody does die of an overdose it is mostly because they mix different drugs together (i.e opiates and benzos or benzos and sleeping pills etc).
I OD'ed a few times when taking heroin and i was a strict opiate abuser(no other drug took my fancy, tried them all) so i know a good deal about oxys and such....Be safe and i hope your AH cleans himself up~~~
Of course this is all based on if hes actually telling the truth on the amount of oxy he is using, you can never be sure with us junkies. I heard a term once when i was in rehab back in December "How can you tell when an addict is lying?? His lips are moving." Hated the saying at the time but now that ive been clean for a little while that saying is deaaad on! lol
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
My friend that went to prison for child endangerment? She went NOT because she wasn't taking care of her child, but because she allowed her daughter to be around her husband, who is a registered sex offender (long story, but he really didn't do it...her other daughter got mad at him when he disciplined her and made up the story...admits to it, but he's still got the title of sex offender).
My friend loves her husband, and loves her daughter. She thought she could have them both. As a result, she ended up in prison, her daughter (who just turned 16) basically fended for herself, because her dad wouldn't do anything, and the husband is doing 10 years in prison.
So, yes...CPS can take your child even if you have a great job, and are supporting him.
I hope you find the strength and resources to move on without him. He's living an addict's dream.....get high and have no consequences. Maybe he'll find recovery, maybe he won't.
You will be amazed at what you can do when you have to. Put you and your child first, and let him find out addiction has consequences.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
My friend loves her husband, and loves her daughter. She thought she could have them both. As a result, she ended up in prison, her daughter (who just turned 16) basically fended for herself, because her dad wouldn't do anything, and the husband is doing 10 years in prison.
So, yes...CPS can take your child even if you have a great job, and are supporting him.
I hope you find the strength and resources to move on without him. He's living an addict's dream.....get high and have no consequences. Maybe he'll find recovery, maybe he won't.
You will be amazed at what you can do when you have to. Put you and your child first, and let him find out addiction has consequences.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 103
"My husband snorts 80mg of Oxycontin every week and I worry that he will od and die in my bed and I will wake up and find him dead and my son sleeps with us!!! This is VERY scary to me and I need advice."
What if you wake up and find your son dead? Choosing to stay with an addict who is in full blown addiction is your choice. Remember, he will end up institutionalized, in jail, or dead. Unless he chooses to get clean.
Boundaries are set for you. What do you want in your life? If he is using drugs, what are you going to do. If nothing changes, then nothing changes. Period. Read the sticky what addicts do.
What if you wake up and find your son dead? Choosing to stay with an addict who is in full blown addiction is your choice. Remember, he will end up institutionalized, in jail, or dead. Unless he chooses to get clean.
Boundaries are set for you. What do you want in your life? If he is using drugs, what are you going to do. If nothing changes, then nothing changes. Period. Read the sticky what addicts do.
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