So Tired of the Same Old Thing
 

My AS will be going to work release Friday. He has written me 3 letters in the last 2 wks telling me what clothes he will need etc etc. I find myself resenting that still again I have to get them ready. Today is already Wednesday & I have yet to start doing it. Jim my husband is going to take them to work release. My As wants me to go but I have my 2 grandsons I babysit for and I would have to take them with, & I really don't want to go. I saw him once since Oct & then I walked out on him. I was in touch with Intervention. They e mailed me & called me & told me we could still do it and I should just lie to my AS and don't admit it will be an intervention.
I am having mixed feelings about it now.
I guess it has something to do with age. I just don't have the patience for relationships that don't go smoothly. I am feeling like if it is too hard why bother.
Thanks again for listening,
Diane
Marle I am so glad your daughter is wking on getting well.

How old is your AS? I suspect old enough to look after himself! if I were you I would tell him the true, don't hide your feelings, tell him how it is in a calm manner. Don't let yourself get worked up. This will not change him but it will get it off your chest.

Just remember, the more you do for him the less self esteem he will have.

Good luck.

Oh Lord he will be 42 in Sept. He has ben in & out of jail for the last 7 years. The family has done this many times before.

((((rozied))))

IMHO It sounds like after the same old **it over and over, you're tired and want to step waaaaay back and see if he can do it on his own. If he's finally ready and has had enough he will get it together and try recovery. If not then it will be the same old same old again and again.
It's so hard to do this, but sometimes it's the only way. I found out the hard way, I think we all do. But when my daughter realized that I would not and could not save her, she started to try for herself. So far it has worked for both of us.
Take care of you and be very gentle with yourself.
:praying

(((Rozied)))
Hugs to you....I think you're kind of in the same situation that I am fighting to rid myself of, trying to figure out the difference between Codependency and being a mother.

This mother stuff works pretty well, until they can do things on their own...like at age 8!

I make the difference myself by asking, is this something my AS can do on his own? Does this make me uncomfortable to do this, whatever, for him?
If the answers are YES, it may be your H.P. trying to tell you something.

I still slip on occasion, but I am no longer, a bank, a messenger, a Laundromat owner, or a life coach (ha!) life coach, that one slays me...LOL

Also, I do not agree with that "intervention" suggestion of lying to him, they just want the ratings, and it's a terrible premise to build recovery on, IMHO.

Hugs,

Diane, My daughter is doing well, but we both know that that could change in a heartbeat. I will only support my daughter if she stays where she is and she works a program and so far that is what she is doing. You could make the same apply for your son. I absolutely know that you can't force them into a program, but you can take that step away from him and let him fall by himself. Give him the clothes that he needs and anything else of his that is hanging around your house, tell him you love him and then let him make it or not by himself. The only thing that he needs from you is your love and he already has that. Things can change as the situation changes. Nothing is set in stone. I always said that I would not help my daughter financially, but I am because she is serious about recovery. That also could change. My boundaries are not to help her in her addiction but to support her in recovery. And to always let her know that she is loved. Hugs, Marle

I know you guys are right. That is what I would like to do, support him in his recovery.
Diane

My boundaries are not to help her in her addiction but to support her in recovery. And to always let her know that she is loved.

Thanks Marle, needed to see this in print!!

I agree!

susan