Holy crap I'm so confused!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: new york
Posts: 4
Holy crap I'm so confused!!!
Long story short. Dh and I been married 8 yrs. Never been a sexual relationship. More based on love and commitment and friendship. He started using crack 5 yrs ago. went through a year of off and on relapses, was clean for 18mths, relapsed, was clean for 3yrs, just recently relapsed twice. He moved out 3 weeks ago. We have talked greatly in depth about divorcing. He still hangs out here at the house a lot and it seems a lot like he never left. That's an okay thing for me in a way b/c I miss him and my 5yr old dd when they aren't here. He and I get along so great and whenever we argue we can always work it out. He is being so nice to me and I know its b/c he so badly wants to move back in and make it work but I keep telling myself that I don't want to go through that crap of not knowing where he is during the night. I'm just so confused. I'm scared too. I've never even dated. He was my first for everything so this is huge for me. I know i need to take time and figure things out. I'm just impatient. I guess I just have to keep praying and take it day by day. any advice or words appreciated. thanks.
Lisa
Lisa
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
We can't predict outcomes.... and spending time trying to imagine the future, takes time away from working on today.
Why not make a list of all the things you enjoy doing? Reading, drawing, walking, exploring, hiking, swimming, horseback riding.... quads... whatever. And then start making plans to spend at least part of EVERY week doing some of those things.
You might be surprised how during THOSE times, you can't find the time to focus on HIS needs, wants and desires.
(((loving hugs)))
Why not make a list of all the things you enjoy doing? Reading, drawing, walking, exploring, hiking, swimming, horseback riding.... quads... whatever. And then start making plans to spend at least part of EVERY week doing some of those things.
You might be surprised how during THOSE times, you can't find the time to focus on HIS needs, wants and desires.
(((loving hugs)))
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Hey there, welcome!
I think one of the things that helped me most when I had situations that weighed heavily on my mind was learning that not to decide was sometimes a decision. I always wanted to fix things and fix them right away. It really helped me to slow down and realize I could take things day by day, sometimes minute by minute and not have to make the decision until I felt comfortable.
It sounds to me as if there is no urgency in deciding what is next. Perhaps you can stand back and live in today, let his actions help you to decide when the time comes, just what is best for you. Hugs
I think one of the things that helped me most when I had situations that weighed heavily on my mind was learning that not to decide was sometimes a decision. I always wanted to fix things and fix them right away. It really helped me to slow down and realize I could take things day by day, sometimes minute by minute and not have to make the decision until I felt comfortable.
It sounds to me as if there is no urgency in deciding what is next. Perhaps you can stand back and live in today, let his actions help you to decide when the time comes, just what is best for you. Hugs
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