Help with 13 yr daughter..
Let It Begin With ME
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Saint Clair Shores, MI
Posts: 42
Help with 13 yr daughter..
My 13 yr old daughter is just P'd OFF at her father. She doesn't even want to live here. She said she wants to go live with my mom!! I tried to tell her that we are not going to let him make us crazy, we are going to go on with our life. but shes not buyin it! I asked her to come with me to a nar-anon meeting (don't even know if shes aloud there). She says shes not going to any dumb place like that ! Any of you have teens? and how do you handle this?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 328
My son went to Alateen for 2 years in his mid-teens. Helped him understand his addict brothers. Really helped his self esteem - and understand why they acted like they did. And gave him a place for him to get angry with other kids like himself.
He is now in his late 30s and may be ready to "graduate" to AA/NA. But he still uses the Serenity Prayer and talks about it. If he needs another 12 step program, at least he knows where help is.
We've got the family disease!
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
He is now in his late 30s and may be ready to "graduate" to AA/NA. But he still uses the Serenity Prayer and talks about it. If he needs another 12 step program, at least he knows where help is.
We've got the family disease!
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
I have an infant, a 12 year old and a 20 year old. I was honest with the two older ones. They saw what was going on and I think needed an explanation. I don't think it's the explanation they wanted, I hated to educate my son on heroin or pain pills or alcohol. I know they get some of that at school but I still would have liked to spared them the up close and personal.
I took my 20 year old to an Al-Anon meeting with me. She didn't particularly care for it because she was living out of the house and didn't think AH's addiction effected her. Some places have Ala-Teen. Your daughter should be allowed in. They give all kinds of ground rules about confidentiality in the beginning but keep in mind, some of the stuff they talk about is pretty graphic and real hard core.
I'm glad you're going. Maybe you should check it out first and let your daughter go stay with your mom for a little while tonight. I'm assuming you've told your mom what's going on (?). If you haven't, your daughter surely will and you have to be prepared for that. Mom will have lots of advice I can imagine and you might not be ready to share your pain with someone so close just yet cause once it's out there, everything changes.
If you guys can work through this and your husband does get help and/or goes into treatment, Christmas will never be the same with your family, Thanksgiving will be uncomfortable and if he relapses down the road....oh my. I'm going through this right now. I told EVERYBODY because I thought it was going to be a permanent split - now all the dynamics in my life are different. My family hates him and I've lost a lot of friends over this. But you know what the good thing is....I've gained alot of friends and I've met my best friends here on SR. We talk and exchange cards and e-mails and I've never felt more love.
I took my 20 year old to an Al-Anon meeting with me. She didn't particularly care for it because she was living out of the house and didn't think AH's addiction effected her. Some places have Ala-Teen. Your daughter should be allowed in. They give all kinds of ground rules about confidentiality in the beginning but keep in mind, some of the stuff they talk about is pretty graphic and real hard core.
I'm glad you're going. Maybe you should check it out first and let your daughter go stay with your mom for a little while tonight. I'm assuming you've told your mom what's going on (?). If you haven't, your daughter surely will and you have to be prepared for that. Mom will have lots of advice I can imagine and you might not be ready to share your pain with someone so close just yet cause once it's out there, everything changes.
If you guys can work through this and your husband does get help and/or goes into treatment, Christmas will never be the same with your family, Thanksgiving will be uncomfortable and if he relapses down the road....oh my. I'm going through this right now. I told EVERYBODY because I thought it was going to be a permanent split - now all the dynamics in my life are different. My family hates him and I've lost a lot of friends over this. But you know what the good thing is....I've gained alot of friends and I've met my best friends here on SR. We talk and exchange cards and e-mails and I've never felt more love.
Let It Begin With ME
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Saint Clair Shores, MI
Posts: 42
Thanks MrsMagoo, and yes my mom and the rest of my family knows, since this has been an ongoing issue for about 4 years. AND OH do I ever know what you are talkin about!! Christmas, Tahnksgiving, Birthdays etc... really uncomfortable!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
Yep, family life has changed since addiction came slamming into our lives. I still resent the "our" part. We didn't ask for this. I know we are supposed to treat it like cancer but cancer isn't always the result of a choice someone made.
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
I have a 13 year old girl too
She attended Al Ateen for awhile when she was 11/12 as I'd joined Al Anon. I've offered to take her again but she's not interested. I am a alcoholic (sober member of AA) and all my partners have been alcoholics/addicts.
I have had two seperate partners (both in recovery, both lived with us) since she came back to live with me, at age 3 and I think the hardest thing I have had to teach her has and probably always will be, how to look after herself and that a partner (man or woman) isn't the most important thing in her life, she is. I find this hard as I am still learning this stuff myself!!
My daughter also went through a phase of asking to go live with her Nana but it past when I stopped reacting to her threats.
I know Al Anon has phamplets for Al Ateens, maybe worth while getting a couple and giving them to her to read. And if she refuses, at least you've tried.
I have had two seperate partners (both in recovery, both lived with us) since she came back to live with me, at age 3 and I think the hardest thing I have had to teach her has and probably always will be, how to look after herself and that a partner (man or woman) isn't the most important thing in her life, she is. I find this hard as I am still learning this stuff myself!!
My daughter also went through a phase of asking to go live with her Nana but it past when I stopped reacting to her threats.
I know Al Anon has phamplets for Al Ateens, maybe worth while getting a couple and giving them to her to read. And if she refuses, at least you've tried.
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