Language of Letting Go - June 22 - Work Histories
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - June 22 - Work Histories
Work Histories
Just as we have relationship histories, most of us have work histories.
Just as we have a present circumstance to accept and deal with in our relationship life, we have a present circumstance to accept and deal with in our work life.
Just as we develop a healthy attitude toward our relationship history - one that will help us learn and move forward - we can develop a healthy attitude toward our work history.
I have worked many jobs in my life, since I was eleven years old. Just as I have learned many things about myself through my relationships, I have learned many lessons through my work. Often, these lessons run parallel to the lessons I'm learning in other areas of my life.
I have worked at jobs I hated but was temporarily dependent on. I have gotten stuck in jobs because I was afraid to strike out on my own and find my next set of circumstances.
I have been in some jobs to develop skills. Sometimes, I didn't realize I was developing those skills until later on when they become an important part of the career of my choice.
I have worked at jobs where I felt victimized, where I gave and gave and received nothing in return. I have been in relationships where I manufactured similar feelings.
I have worked at some jobs that have taught me what I absolutely didn't want; others sparked in me an idea of what I really did want and deserve in my career.
Some of my jobs have helped me develop character; others have helped me fine tune skills. They have all been a place to practice recovery behaviors.
Just as I have had to deal with my feelings and messages about myself in relationships, I have had to deal with my feelings and messages about myself, and what I believed I deserved at work.
I have been through two major career changes in my life. I learned that neither career was a mistake and no job was wasted time. I have learned something from each job, and my work history has helped create who I am.
I learned something else: there was a Plan, and I was being led. The more I trusted my instincts, what I wanted, and what felt right, the more I felt that I was being led.
The more I refused to lose my soul to a job and worked at it because I wanted to and not for the paycheck, the less victimized I felt by any career, even those jobs that paid a meager salary. The more I set goals and took responsibility for achieving the career I wanted, the more I could decide whether a particular job fit into that scheme of things. I could understand why I was working at a particular job and how that was going to benefit me.
There are times I have even panicked at work and about where I was in my employment history. Panic never helped. Trust and working my program did.
There were times I looked around and wondered why I was where I was. There were times people thought I should be someplace different. But when I looked into myself and at God, I knew I was in the right place, for the moment.
There were times I have had to quit a job and walk away in order to be true to myself. Sometimes, that was frightening. Sometimes, I felt like a failure. But I learned this: If I was working my program and true to myself, I never had to fear where I was being led.
There have been times I couldn't survive on the small amount of money I was receiving. Instead of bringing that issue to a particular employer and making it his or her fault, I have had to learn to bring the issue to my Higher Power and myself. I've learned I'm responsible for setting my boundaries and establishing what I believe I deserve. I've also learned God, not a particular employer, is my source of guidance.
I've learned that I'm not stuck or trapped in a job no more than I am in a relationship. I have choices. I may not be able to see them clearly right now, but I do have choices. I've learned that if I really want to take care of myself in a particular way on a job, I will do that. And if I really want to be victimized by a job, I will allow that to happen too.
I am responsible for my choices, and I have choices.
Above all else, I've learned to accept and trust my present circumstances at work. That does not mean to submit; it does not mean to forego boundaries. It means to trust, accept, then take care of myself the best I'm able to on any given day.
God, help me bring my recovery behaviors to my career affairs.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Just as we have relationship histories, most of us have work histories.
Just as we have a present circumstance to accept and deal with in our relationship life, we have a present circumstance to accept and deal with in our work life.
Just as we develop a healthy attitude toward our relationship history - one that will help us learn and move forward - we can develop a healthy attitude toward our work history.
I have worked many jobs in my life, since I was eleven years old. Just as I have learned many things about myself through my relationships, I have learned many lessons through my work. Often, these lessons run parallel to the lessons I'm learning in other areas of my life.
I have worked at jobs I hated but was temporarily dependent on. I have gotten stuck in jobs because I was afraid to strike out on my own and find my next set of circumstances.
I have been in some jobs to develop skills. Sometimes, I didn't realize I was developing those skills until later on when they become an important part of the career of my choice.
I have worked at jobs where I felt victimized, where I gave and gave and received nothing in return. I have been in relationships where I manufactured similar feelings.
I have worked at some jobs that have taught me what I absolutely didn't want; others sparked in me an idea of what I really did want and deserve in my career.
Some of my jobs have helped me develop character; others have helped me fine tune skills. They have all been a place to practice recovery behaviors.
Just as I have had to deal with my feelings and messages about myself in relationships, I have had to deal with my feelings and messages about myself, and what I believed I deserved at work.
I have been through two major career changes in my life. I learned that neither career was a mistake and no job was wasted time. I have learned something from each job, and my work history has helped create who I am.
I learned something else: there was a Plan, and I was being led. The more I trusted my instincts, what I wanted, and what felt right, the more I felt that I was being led.
The more I refused to lose my soul to a job and worked at it because I wanted to and not for the paycheck, the less victimized I felt by any career, even those jobs that paid a meager salary. The more I set goals and took responsibility for achieving the career I wanted, the more I could decide whether a particular job fit into that scheme of things. I could understand why I was working at a particular job and how that was going to benefit me.
There are times I have even panicked at work and about where I was in my employment history. Panic never helped. Trust and working my program did.
There were times I looked around and wondered why I was where I was. There were times people thought I should be someplace different. But when I looked into myself and at God, I knew I was in the right place, for the moment.
There were times I have had to quit a job and walk away in order to be true to myself. Sometimes, that was frightening. Sometimes, I felt like a failure. But I learned this: If I was working my program and true to myself, I never had to fear where I was being led.
There have been times I couldn't survive on the small amount of money I was receiving. Instead of bringing that issue to a particular employer and making it his or her fault, I have had to learn to bring the issue to my Higher Power and myself. I've learned I'm responsible for setting my boundaries and establishing what I believe I deserve. I've also learned God, not a particular employer, is my source of guidance.
I've learned that I'm not stuck or trapped in a job no more than I am in a relationship. I have choices. I may not be able to see them clearly right now, but I do have choices. I've learned that if I really want to take care of myself in a particular way on a job, I will do that. And if I really want to be victimized by a job, I will allow that to happen too.
I am responsible for my choices, and I have choices.
Above all else, I've learned to accept and trust my present circumstances at work. That does not mean to submit; it does not mean to forego boundaries. It means to trust, accept, then take care of myself the best I'm able to on any given day.
God, help me bring my recovery behaviors to my career affairs.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I learned something else: there was a Plan, and I was being led. The more I trusted my instincts, what I wanted, and what felt right, the more I felt that I was being led.
I wouldn't be where I am today if I had not just let go of what was not right for me and allowed myself to be led. And where I am today would not have been right for me ten years ago when my codependency was out of control.
The right place and the right time...this is what letting God guide me brought.
Hugs
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
One of the things I realized in recovery was that my way of coping with addiction in my life, and with other pain, was to be a workaholic. I do really like my job...not always the administration and the way that government finds ways to mess things up, lol, and I have never stopped battling bureacracy, as I believe that is part of why I am where I am...to try to be a voice or reason and fairness and to make changes in small ways that might benefit consumers, eventually, in bigger ways. My problem wasn't my job, it was me. I over did it...stayed at the office til 8 or 9 or 10 almost every day; worked from home on weekends, and in my mind, even if I didn't verbalize it, I portrayed myself as the work martyr. If I don't do this, who will? I can't trust staff to get the job done and it has to get done. I was a mess. And the longer I worked, the more I felt like I was spinning my wheels. Funny how that happens when I let myself assume a victim role.
Recovery has helped me to see how unhealthy my behavior was. I still work hard, and I still work more than a normal work week many times, but never to the extent I did before, and most times it is because I am engaged and excited about a project I am doing. I also learned to trust staff more; to spend the time I needed mentoring them and giving them the tools they needed to do things I didn't trust them to do before. My relationships with staff is so much better, since they feel the trust and they too can feel pride in their achievements. Who was I to be robbing of them of that growth? That is something I truly regret...the years I failed to let them grow and develop because I wouldn't give them more responsibility.
The amazing thing is, I work less hours, considerably less, yet our units get more done. My peaceful mind helps me focus and not spin my wheels, and by letting others take on more, we achive more. The relaxed and trusting atmosphere also helps everyone have a little fun while we get the job done.
Change doesn't come over night...I am still a work in progress. I am active in several professional organizations and sometimes still find myself saying yes when I should say no, and then becoming overwhelmed. But i have learned to recognize that and know it was my choice, no one made me say yes. I recently told someone, I still have trouble saying no, so I am going to at least not immediately say yes. I am going to say, that's interesting, let me think about it and get back to you. Baby steps.
I see a lot of "politics" and power plays where I work, and as administrations change, so does the approach. Right now I consider the head of our deprtment to be a male version of Marie Antoinette and the "advisors" (translation...butt kissers) he surrounds himself with are such extreme yes men and women that they look like those little bobble head folks you see in the back of cars. My feeling is the emperor truly has no clothes, but for my own sanity, and because anyone who questions is labeled a trouble maker and totally ignored, I tend to work my little battles quietly. The old me would have wanted to tell these folks how they should be doing things, and I'd be filled with stress each day as I whacked my head against the wall over and over. The recovering me has learned to "be" rather than to "be loud." To let my higher power work quietly to lead me right where I need to be.
Thanks Ann for this powerful reading. I definitely relate!
Recovery has helped me to see how unhealthy my behavior was. I still work hard, and I still work more than a normal work week many times, but never to the extent I did before, and most times it is because I am engaged and excited about a project I am doing. I also learned to trust staff more; to spend the time I needed mentoring them and giving them the tools they needed to do things I didn't trust them to do before. My relationships with staff is so much better, since they feel the trust and they too can feel pride in their achievements. Who was I to be robbing of them of that growth? That is something I truly regret...the years I failed to let them grow and develop because I wouldn't give them more responsibility.
The amazing thing is, I work less hours, considerably less, yet our units get more done. My peaceful mind helps me focus and not spin my wheels, and by letting others take on more, we achive more. The relaxed and trusting atmosphere also helps everyone have a little fun while we get the job done.
Change doesn't come over night...I am still a work in progress. I am active in several professional organizations and sometimes still find myself saying yes when I should say no, and then becoming overwhelmed. But i have learned to recognize that and know it was my choice, no one made me say yes. I recently told someone, I still have trouble saying no, so I am going to at least not immediately say yes. I am going to say, that's interesting, let me think about it and get back to you. Baby steps.
I see a lot of "politics" and power plays where I work, and as administrations change, so does the approach. Right now I consider the head of our deprtment to be a male version of Marie Antoinette and the "advisors" (translation...butt kissers) he surrounds himself with are such extreme yes men and women that they look like those little bobble head folks you see in the back of cars. My feeling is the emperor truly has no clothes, but for my own sanity, and because anyone who questions is labeled a trouble maker and totally ignored, I tend to work my little battles quietly. The old me would have wanted to tell these folks how they should be doing things, and I'd be filled with stress each day as I whacked my head against the wall over and over. The recovering me has learned to "be" rather than to "be loud." To let my higher power work quietly to lead me right where I need to be.
Thanks Ann for this powerful reading. I definitely relate!
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