He's In Detox....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 24
He's In Detox....
Well, the money ran out yesterday (day 10 of the disappearance). He called collect at 1:20 am crying (of course) saying he was robbed of his wallet, credit cards and truck (of course) and that he was in the worst part of the city and that he was going to go kill himself (of course).
I told him to hang up, call 911, tell them he was suicidal and needed to go to the hospital. Then call me back. He did, and an ambulance came.
At 4:35 am I get a call from the ER Dr. I cut to the chase and told her I am an RN, so you needn't speak in lay terms, and that this is not new, he is probably untreated bipolar (he has successfully been on medication in the past), histrionic, and narcissistic with an excessive need for attention and thrill-seeking behavior. I told her this goes beyond alcohol and crack - that he is mentally ill. I also told her that he doesn't have a home here as of last week so he needs to be admitted and hopefully get into a long-term program in a sober-living house. She said "You won't give him a home if he gets help?" I said "Been there, done that, he behaves for a while and goes right back. I will come see him or any doctor or social worker but no, he cannot come back her, most certainly not after three or thirty days."
She said they would hold him for three days and try to get him into the inpatient rehab (30 days).
This morning I called the social worker on the unit and again stated that they need to understand that he doesn't have a home to go to upon discharge so he needs to be referred elsewhere. I told her "I took his key last Monday." She said "He told me you took his keys and he's been on the streets for ten days." I told her "I took his keys because he said he was going to rehab, but he didn't. He blew $8,000.00 in credit cards plus $2000.00 cash he had on him, now it's gone and he sold our SUV to drug dealers and wants to call for help. I will come in for family sessions but he cannot come home."
I felt like a bitch. Well, that's my day.
Any advice appreciated,
Teresa
Teresa
I told him to hang up, call 911, tell them he was suicidal and needed to go to the hospital. Then call me back. He did, and an ambulance came.
At 4:35 am I get a call from the ER Dr. I cut to the chase and told her I am an RN, so you needn't speak in lay terms, and that this is not new, he is probably untreated bipolar (he has successfully been on medication in the past), histrionic, and narcissistic with an excessive need for attention and thrill-seeking behavior. I told her this goes beyond alcohol and crack - that he is mentally ill. I also told her that he doesn't have a home here as of last week so he needs to be admitted and hopefully get into a long-term program in a sober-living house. She said "You won't give him a home if he gets help?" I said "Been there, done that, he behaves for a while and goes right back. I will come see him or any doctor or social worker but no, he cannot come back her, most certainly not after three or thirty days."
She said they would hold him for three days and try to get him into the inpatient rehab (30 days).
This morning I called the social worker on the unit and again stated that they need to understand that he doesn't have a home to go to upon discharge so he needs to be referred elsewhere. I told her "I took his key last Monday." She said "He told me you took his keys and he's been on the streets for ten days." I told her "I took his keys because he said he was going to rehab, but he didn't. He blew $8,000.00 in credit cards plus $2000.00 cash he had on him, now it's gone and he sold our SUV to drug dealers and wants to call for help. I will come in for family sessions but he cannot come home."
I felt like a bitch. Well, that's my day.
Any advice appreciated,
Teresa
Teresa
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
What a strong and determined lady you are! I for one, applaude you in your determination not to have footprints on you and your heart any longer.
I'm sorry to say that I don't believe I have read any of your other posts so I'm not sure as to the specifics of your husband's addiction and behaviors, but I can get a pretty good idea as to the extent of things by your thread.
If being determined to take care of your needs and not enable your husband anymore makes you a bitch, then all codependent women should want to be a bitch! You're showing a tremendous amt. of strength and determination in taking back your life and moving on with what you need to do for you.
I think you are a very strong woman who is willing to go to family groups, whatever to help your husband, not try to fix or enable him any longer.
Good for you!
God Bless,
Judy
I'm sorry to say that I don't believe I have read any of your other posts so I'm not sure as to the specifics of your husband's addiction and behaviors, but I can get a pretty good idea as to the extent of things by your thread.
If being determined to take care of your needs and not enable your husband anymore makes you a bitch, then all codependent women should want to be a bitch! You're showing a tremendous amt. of strength and determination in taking back your life and moving on with what you need to do for you.
I think you are a very strong woman who is willing to go to family groups, whatever to help your husband, not try to fix or enable him any longer.
Good for you!
God Bless,
Judy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 24
Thank you. It was very hard to NOT go pick him up and take him myself, because I DO love him. I haven't filed for separation because if I throw him away for the bad, I am throwing away the good too. He had five years clean when we met and another three after we married. I knew if I picked him up and took him to the hospital, he'd want me to sit there with him, whine, etc., and the bottom line is I have to work today and I have 30 patients who count on me to pass meds and do their treatments and I need my sleep and sanity, which is why I have finally stopped being an enabler.
I am glad he is safe in a hospital but he is not going to take me down with him. This is why I separated our car insurance and maintained all separate accounts and credit and my own mortgage in this marriage. Now the SUV (in his name, his insurance) is gone and I suppose he is going to expect me to report it stolen, which he can do himself.
So now he has no home, no vehicle, no job, no money and no family behind him. This is a married 42 y/o white male in the suburbs with a college degree, a good job, a home, a wife with a degree who makes $23/hr., kid, dogs, yard, even a white picket fence and a new SUV and a FICO score of 685 and he blew it for alcohol and crack. All because his father was "murdered" when he was 17. That man put himself where he was and now his son has lived the same sick life.
Unfriggingbelievable.
I am glad he is safe in a hospital but he is not going to take me down with him. This is why I separated our car insurance and maintained all separate accounts and credit and my own mortgage in this marriage. Now the SUV (in his name, his insurance) is gone and I suppose he is going to expect me to report it stolen, which he can do himself.
So now he has no home, no vehicle, no job, no money and no family behind him. This is a married 42 y/o white male in the suburbs with a college degree, a good job, a home, a wife with a degree who makes $23/hr., kid, dogs, yard, even a white picket fence and a new SUV and a FICO score of 685 and he blew it for alcohol and crack. All because his father was "murdered" when he was 17. That man put himself where he was and now his son has lived the same sick life.
Unfriggingbelievable.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 328
Been there, done that - with an AS. It was hard - but living with it was worse. It was really the beginning of me saying "enough is enough" - the disease might kill him, but it wasn't going to kill me. I was way past crazy.Years later, when he finally got sober, he asked me why I put up with his c#@!p for so long! I told him it was because I didn't know any better and because I thought he was going to die. And he told me I couldn't have prevented him dying - and today I know that too.
Prayers coming your way - that was one of the hardest best things I've ever done. But it was one of the turning points of my recovery - to put my money where my mouth was. To do what I had been espousing in meetings.
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
When I feel like a bitch, I take it to mean that I am doing the right thing. :-) When I am enabling him I feel guilty and like I am losing myself in his problems.
Anyway, great post. Good choices. Thanks for sharing.
Anyway, great post. Good choices. Thanks for sharing.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
(((Teresa)))
I don't believe that the addict stands a chance until we let go and they surrender. I pray he is at this point.
You, my dear, are an amazing woman and your courage and recovery shine!
Prayers go out for both of you, addiction affects the entire family.
Hugs
I don't believe that the addict stands a chance until we let go and they surrender. I pray he is at this point.
You, my dear, are an amazing woman and your courage and recovery shine!
Prayers go out for both of you, addiction affects the entire family.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 172
You are a strong woman. I hope to learn from your experience. Stay strong you did the right thing. And in no way are you a bitch. You are just becoming stronger!!!! i can't wait to be where you are.
I wish you the best of luck. Sleep peaceful.
I wish you the best of luck. Sleep peaceful.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 115
I am proud of you and encouraged by your story. It is lonely and hard to put your foot down and not pick it up. I can relate to what you say about taking a stand and I am glad to hear you are doing it because it makes me feel like I am not the only one out there doing it. Keep on doing it! Please keep us posted.
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