need teeth

Old 06-11-2008, 01:42 PM
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need teeth

My STBX is yet again trying to fight the "no driving the kids" restriction. I have not had a hard time as of yet, but he hasn't really fought it yet. I just found out that he is, and the court date it set. AHHHH! I'd like to believe it will be a open and shut case and the judge will completely support the restrictions...however putting the safety of my kids in the courts hands is scary!!

My STBX states that he hasn't had an accident or ticket in a long time so that proves he is safe. I see that as though he's been lucky. I see him continue to get drugged...and even as recently as a couple weeks ago witnessed him get in his car and drive - even after I pointed out that he wasn't okay to drive.

I'd like to go into court as 'armed with info' as possible. I'd like to have statistics that show of every accident/arrest X amount of instances of impaired driving are taken (showing that just because you've made it home a bunch of times, you are not safe). Anything that will put teeth to my stance.

Does anyone have something like that to share? Or know of a source to direct me to?
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Old 06-11-2008, 05:36 PM
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No teeth, but being armed with the truth can't hurt. Perhaps your lawyer can ask him to admit if he's ever driven when he was impaired and knew he shouldnt drive. That would show he's not making good and safe decisions...

Good luck. Prayers for you and the kids that the judge makes the right decision.
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Old 06-11-2008, 09:40 PM
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Thanks Cats! He would adamantly deny driving impaired. I have a few 'facts' that would support my observations but most of it is just my word against his. He showed up at my house last Summer to get our trailer. He was way drugged and I told him he shouldn't drive, he said he was fine so I just called the police and they told him if he got in the car they'd arrest him. He didn't so they didn't do anything. It is a wimpy report but I have a copy of it. He has been seen many time by his family but they are soooooooooo in denial and protecting him from any impact his addiction is causing that they would NEVER get up in front of a court and say what they see. It is amazing the power addiction has even on those of us around it. I know I let him drive the kids for way too long in the first place. I was stuck in the same denial/protective mode. Thankfully I was able to pull my head out of the yuck before anyone got hurt. Most of the weight of him not driving falls on his family so if he got the right to drive back, a huge burden would be lifted from their shoulders. My family and friends have seen many many ugly scenes where he has chosen to drive, but that is 'my family' so not sure what kinda impact that would have on a judge. It has been called in multiple times when we know he is out there and shouldn't be....but I guess that could always be taken as 'the angry X wife' but it isn't that at all. I desperately fear for his and everyone else's safety on the road when he is out there. It is just scary to trust the safety of your children to someone who doesn't know anymore than what we each tell him. The thought of ever having to stand there and watch him drive away with the kids in the car makes me feel like vomiting. I guess I shouldn't stress on that now, it might not ever happen.
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Old 06-11-2008, 11:05 PM
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It has been called in multiple times when we know he is out there and shouldn't be....but I guess that could always be taken as 'the angry X wife' but it isn't that at all. I desperately fear for his and everyone else's safety on the road when he is out there. It is just scary to trust the safety of your children to someone who doesn't know anymore than what we each tell him. The thought of ever having to stand there and watch him drive away with the kids in the car makes me feel like vomiting. I guess I shouldn't stress on that now, it might not ever happen.
Tell the Judge EXACTLY what you said here!

Stress the welfare of your children comes first.

In all likelihood the Judge will deny the request and may even ask for 'random' drug testing. May even order 'supervised' visitation.

Be honest, stress over and over the SAFETY of your children and I have faith he will not get permission to 'drive' the children.

Prayers winging your way!!!!

Love and hugs,
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Old 06-11-2008, 11:24 PM
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I agree with Laurie....stress the safety of your children and others on the road, and you won't come across as "just an angry wife". I would write down all the instances you can think of that you know he's driven under the influence since you made the decision to not let him drive high. When you start listing off these times, in specifics, you probably won't have to get too far down the list before the judge sees the light.

It doesn't have to be detailed..just like you said here "the time you came to get the trailer and you were high and I told you you didn't need to be driving"...if your family has been witness to it, just mention it. Judges are used to families taking sides, but even though it's just your word against his, being specific will help.

I agree..he's not a good driver...he's just lucky he hasn't gotten caught and everyone else is lucky he hasn't hurt/killed someone.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 07-28-2008, 11:02 PM
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update

Whew, the court upheld the restrictions! It is so scary to put such an important decision on someone's shoulders (the judge) that is only going on what he hears in court. I cannot imagine if the restrictions would have been lifted. I'm not sure what I would have done but NOW WAY would my children have gotten into an automobile with him.

I know he loves the kids and would never do anything to hurt them....that his the drug free him anyway. The drugged 'him' has a other plans. I so wish he could have just a few minutes of sanity to see and hear all he is doing. I know the old 'him' would have been right beside me protecting our children.

Sooooo sad.
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Old 07-29-2008, 03:47 AM
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I am glad the court decision protected the safety of your ex, your children & everyone else on the road.
Noone who drives under the influence plans on hurting themselves or anyone else but thats cuz they are under the influence!!!
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Old 07-29-2008, 08:14 AM
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I'm glad the judge made the right decision. I know that has to be a weight lifted off your shoulders.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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