Release from the Beast
 

This is from the monthly Al Anon publication called The Forum. I thought it was pretty amazing.

My Prayer for Release from the ‘beast’ of alcoholism.
By Kathi B., Michigan

This morning I had a vision of a beast with a dragon’s head, huge fangs that dripped venom, a forked tongue, fire breath, clawed hands and feet, sharp spikes all over its body, and a gigantic alligator-like tail. The enormous tail coiled like a python around my husband, squeezing him a little more every day. My husband’s eyes are closed, as if in a trance. The beast is standing between him and me, arms raised, scowling and snorting fire, guarding my husband from me. I am desperately holding my hands out to my husband, but it’s no good – the beast of alcoholism has him.

I cannot fight this beast in any way. If I get too close I get burned, clawed, or pierced on its spikes. I look him straight in the eye and he ferociously holds his ground between us. No matter what I do I can’t reach my husband. I try different moves; the beast counters. I throw things at my husband; the beast catches them. I call out to my husband, but he doesn’t hear me. I am completely powerless to help him. The only chance he has of freeing himself is to open his eyes to what’s happening, and ask God for help. He can’t even free himself because his hands, arms and legs are tightly bound.

I am helpless against the beast. All I can do is pray for my husband and then go about taking care of myself and the children. It is incredibly frustrating because he won’t open his eyes, but the more I grapple with the beast, the more frustrated, depressed and hopeless I become. I must stop approaching this thing; it’s a waste of my time and emotional, spiritual and physical energy. I have found in the past few weeks that I’ve forgotten my powerlessness and have picked up the fight again – only to lose my serenity and my positive, forward focus. I’ve slipped into thinking that the boundaries I’ve set and the steps I have taken recently would somehow help him. When will I learn that I can’t control him, period?

So, God, help me to bring the focus back to me and to You. Help me to turn around and walk away from the beast, and do what I must for myself and the children. Please take care of him and bring him peace and health. I know he is in Your hands. Help me to accept that he is where he needs to be right now, that he will learn the lessons he is supposed to in Your time. Give me strength and serenity as I finally release him.


By Kathi B
Reprinted from The Forum, May 2008
© Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 2008. All Rights Reserved.