Family week at rehab
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Family week at rehab
Finished it yesterday and what an exhausting/frustrating/exhilarating experience. The first two days were about the disease and I didn't learn one thing while sitting there for eight hours so that was the frustrating part. The positives to the first two days was being able to visit sporadically with my RAD and have lunch with her.
The last two days were frustrating too because there was so much I wanted to share but it's lectures, not an Alanon meeting. I saw people in pain, where I was a few months ago, and I finally found a way to share after some meditation. I waited until the counselors were done with each subject then respectfully asked if I could add something.
My RAD is doing well and finally discovered her Higher Power as she knows it. Above all else, I feel that it the most important thing and though it took all sorts of hell to get to that place, it's a beautiful thing.
Thank you to all the people here at SR. I've come a long way but didn't realize how far until I experienced this week. I still have a long way to go too, because it's a marathon, not a sprint.
F2F Alanon meetings, here I come!
The last two days were frustrating too because there was so much I wanted to share but it's lectures, not an Alanon meeting. I saw people in pain, where I was a few months ago, and I finally found a way to share after some meditation. I waited until the counselors were done with each subject then respectfully asked if I could add something.
My RAD is doing well and finally discovered her Higher Power as she knows it. Above all else, I feel that it the most important thing and though it took all sorts of hell to get to that place, it's a beautiful thing.
Thank you to all the people here at SR. I've come a long way but didn't realize how far until I experienced this week. I still have a long way to go too, because it's a marathon, not a sprint.
F2F Alanon meetings, here I come!
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Marathon.....life style change for sure!!!
I'm going to be doing family lectures this weekend with my guy.... i drive down tonight and will see him tomorrow!
It feels incredibly empowering and satisfying and exciting to be on the same page and working towards the same goal of enlightenment and healing!
I know the roller coaster I am getting on.... but it sure as heck beats the roller coaster called "active addiction".....
Good for you for taking an active part and viewing this as a marathon!
Welcome to recovery!
I'm going to be doing family lectures this weekend with my guy.... i drive down tonight and will see him tomorrow!
It feels incredibly empowering and satisfying and exciting to be on the same page and working towards the same goal of enlightenment and healing!
I know the roller coaster I am getting on.... but it sure as heck beats the roller coaster called "active addiction".....
Good for you for taking an active part and viewing this as a marathon!
Welcome to recovery!
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 328
It's wonderful to have the two of you on the same page - and talking the same recovery language. I know what you mean about others hurting - and am glad you found time to share with them - from your experience.
I know how exhausting family weeks can be. I hope you can be gentle with yourself and get extra rest and time with HP. To think about and process things you have discovered. I still think about our time in Minnesota - and today I can understand some things that didn't really make sense then.
Love in recovery,
JOdy Hepler
I know how exhausting family weeks can be. I hope you can be gentle with yourself and get extra rest and time with HP. To think about and process things you have discovered. I still think about our time in Minnesota - and today I can understand some things that didn't really make sense then.
Love in recovery,
JOdy Hepler
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Chino)))
I'm sorry about the frustrating parts of family week, but WOW...sounds like you and your daughter are making HUGE progress!!!
And yes....most of the time we do have to spend a little time in he!! to get where we are ready to recover. I know, for me, it makes me so much more grateful for even little things!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm sorry about the frustrating parts of family week, but WOW...sounds like you and your daughter are making HUGE progress!!!
And yes....most of the time we do have to spend a little time in he!! to get where we are ready to recover. I know, for me, it makes me so much more grateful for even little things!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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I kind of figured beforehand there would be stuff I already knew but 28 hours of it just about drove me batty. I was squirming so bad they probably thought I had ADHD. Still, I'm glad I went because I learned how much we've both grown.
It was so beautiful to hear her tell me about a HP. She finally found a safe place to explore a personal relationship instead of someone trying to ram it down her throat.
Because I'm a smoker, I spent more time with the substance abusers during breaks than with other family members unless they smoked too. It's humbling what I learned from people in rehab and their honesty was amazing.
To anyone struggling with co-dependency, it's very true what everyone says: you have to let go so the substance abuser can find their way. They find our interference very annoying and controlling and it only makes them dig their heels in deeper.
It was so beautiful to hear her tell me about a HP. She finally found a safe place to explore a personal relationship instead of someone trying to ram it down her throat.
Because I'm a smoker, I spent more time with the substance abusers during breaks than with other family members unless they smoked too. It's humbling what I learned from people in rehab and their honesty was amazing.
To anyone struggling with co-dependency, it's very true what everyone says: you have to let go so the substance abuser can find their way. They find our interference very annoying and controlling and it only makes them dig their heels in deeper.
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I'm glad you have this expereince to hang on to and it's terrific that you can see your growth. Awesome news about your daughter! I was new to recovery when I did family week, but our format was a combo of lecture and group activities with the last session of each day including our addicted loved ones. It worked out that our group was all parents and that made for an unusual bond. There are things I first learned there about codependent recovery that I still pull from my tool box often and it was a wonderful experience for me...Like IOP for codies. I know it helped me to take the plunge and keep trying Alanon (I tried one or two earleir and just didn't connect) and Naranon until I found the group that was the right fit. Hugs
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Now that I think about it, I also learned a few different ways to share the tools with others. Thank you for helping me see that.
Some of the families helped me realize I want to do f2f meetings and they don't know it. I discovered more compassion and empathy inside me than I knew I had because of expressions on their faces. Those expressions were more eloquent than any of their words. A few people had a sense of humor that would have been lost in translation.
I originally chose private therapy because I was suffering sensory overload at the time but now I want the stimulation.
I may not have learned anything from the scripted program but I gained so much from the experience.
Some of the families helped me realize I want to do f2f meetings and they don't know it. I discovered more compassion and empathy inside me than I knew I had because of expressions on their faces. Those expressions were more eloquent than any of their words. A few people had a sense of humor that would have been lost in translation.
I originally chose private therapy because I was suffering sensory overload at the time but now I want the stimulation.
I may not have learned anything from the scripted program but I gained so much from the experience.
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(((((Chino)))) (((((Daughter)))))
You are both making strides. Doesn't it do a mom's heart good to spend time with your daughter when she is clean. The daughter you really know begins to surface.
In spite of the crummy parts......glad it was positive.
Lo
You are both making strides. Doesn't it do a mom's heart good to spend time with your daughter when she is clean. The daughter you really know begins to surface.
In spite of the crummy parts......glad it was positive.
Lo
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Originally Posted by Jody Hepler 
It's wonderful to have the two of you on the same page - and talking the same recovery language. [...]
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I decided the other day if she does another stint in rehab I won't be participating. I've done everything I can to assist her and now it's all up to her.
On that note, she gave us a surprise today during visitation. She said she wants to go to a sober living facility out of state. She said she realized she'd fall back into old habits if she came home, and she's ready for new friends.
She won't be able to go right away because she has legal loose ends to tie up. If any of you read my last topic about her going into rehab, I mentioned a bondsman wanting to assist her. He did, and talked the judge into dismissing her capias warrant and giving her a new court date.
She won't be able to leave for about ten days or so after she's out of rehab, so I'm saying my prayers she doesn't lose the clarity and determination she has now. If you have prayers to spare, she could use them.
On that note, she gave us a surprise today during visitation. She said she wants to go to a sober living facility out of state. She said she realized she'd fall back into old habits if she came home, and she's ready for new friends.
She won't be able to go right away because she has legal loose ends to tie up. If any of you read my last topic about her going into rehab, I mentioned a bondsman wanting to assist her. He did, and talked the judge into dismissing her capias warrant and giving her a new court date.
She won't be able to leave for about ten days or so after she's out of rehab, so I'm saying my prayers she doesn't lose the clarity and determination she has now. If you have prayers to spare, she could use them.
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If she stays sober and willing those 10 days it will be more obvious that the money
that is going to be spent for sober living will be appropriate.
There is no reason she can't go to an AA /NA mtg. and talk to her sponsor every day if she is working her recovery.
If she wants to stay sober she will.
Try not to worry about it. Her recovery is in her own hands.
I bet she can do it.
that is going to be spent for sober living will be appropriate.
There is no reason she can't go to an AA /NA mtg. and talk to her sponsor every day if she is working her recovery.
If she wants to stay sober she will.
Try not to worry about it. Her recovery is in her own hands.
I bet she can do it.
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I just asked myself if I'm worried about her changing her mind and the answer was yes, but because of me. I told her yesterday I can't and won't go backwards now that we've both come so far. I said I'd already made up my mind she'd have to leave if backsliding happened and I mean as far as being productive, not relapses. I can handle a relapse if she owns up and deals with it immediately, but I'm not equipped to deal with PAWS.
I know she needs the constant support of many and a structured environment. She knows it too after having it these past three weeks. We both know I can't provide that at home.
I feel better already having typed that out. I needed to acknowledge it so I could quit worrying about the future. Here I was worrying about her backsliding and that's exactly what I was doing!
I know she needs the constant support of many and a structured environment. She knows it too after having it these past three weeks. We both know I can't provide that at home.
I feel better already having typed that out. I needed to acknowledge it so I could quit worrying about the future. Here I was worrying about her backsliding and that's exactly what I was doing!
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If I knew then what I know now - mostly about me - my addicted sons would have gone to sober living out of treatment. It was so hard for me to stay out of their stuff, to not want to know about meetings and how they were doing, to start "over loving" them, to become part of the problem again.
Here's hoping the seed has been planted - that she will do what she needs to do to stay clean while waiting. Sober living really is the easier softer way - with their peers, with structure, with daily meetings.
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
P.S. Early recovery was h*** for all of us!
Here's hoping the seed has been planted - that she will do what she needs to do to stay clean while waiting. Sober living really is the easier softer way - with their peers, with structure, with daily meetings.
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
P.S. Early recovery was h*** for all of us!
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