Hello everyone...been ages!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: totally lost
Posts: 250
Hello everyone...been ages!
Just stopped in to say hello to everyone. I really should be here much more often, but feel as if I will never "get it'. So just stopped trying.
My 31 yr. old AS had a terrific job and was living in an Oxford House until the company let him go. The same day, he used crack and didn't even wait to be kicked out, came back here to live. I just couldn't say no.
He then proceeded to get his second DWI, avoided jailtime, but lost his license for 2 yrs. His last relapse was right before they took his license away in Jan. He was happy about it, said it would prevent him from using.
We've accepted the fact that he's going to be here for the next two years and he's working for us for credit on what he owes us. He's not allowed to have any money, car keys, etc. He also works around the house in lieu of room and board.
One positive is that he started anti-depressants a few months ago and is a totally different person. He never realized himself how much he was self medicating.
I really think his living here is having a negative effect on both of us, but have accepted it as our lot in life. I know, not a good codie, but just too tired of fighting it!
SS is already semi-famous only a year after graduation. He moved to TX and his computer animations are everywhere. So hard to believe they are brothers.
I see there have been lots of changes here..a chat room now? Have to go exploring.
Anyway, thx for listening.
B
My 31 yr. old AS had a terrific job and was living in an Oxford House until the company let him go. The same day, he used crack and didn't even wait to be kicked out, came back here to live. I just couldn't say no.
He then proceeded to get his second DWI, avoided jailtime, but lost his license for 2 yrs. His last relapse was right before they took his license away in Jan. He was happy about it, said it would prevent him from using.
We've accepted the fact that he's going to be here for the next two years and he's working for us for credit on what he owes us. He's not allowed to have any money, car keys, etc. He also works around the house in lieu of room and board.
One positive is that he started anti-depressants a few months ago and is a totally different person. He never realized himself how much he was self medicating.
I really think his living here is having a negative effect on both of us, but have accepted it as our lot in life. I know, not a good codie, but just too tired of fighting it!
SS is already semi-famous only a year after graduation. He moved to TX and his computer animations are everywhere. So hard to believe they are brothers.
I see there have been lots of changes here..a chat room now? Have to go exploring.
Anyway, thx for listening.
B
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Tough situation for all involved.... you and mr. having to mete out the money and food and transportation because the son isn't willing to do any sort of work around his addiction? Been there... done (and sometimes, still do) that.
But I am not resigned to it. MY life is supposed to be a little more carefree now that my kids are old enough to live away. That is my goal... to get back to THAT life, the one I worked for for so long.
Today, I am also caring for my daughter & her kids... but with conditions. She is to get back to school and find a career that will allow her to support her babies herself... nursing seems like a good choice, she says.
But if we have learned NOTHING else, it is that NONE of that can happen as long as she is still active in her addiction. After some pretty intense relapses, she has gotter HERSELF into the local addiction recovery center, gotten HERSELF on a waiting list, and is checking back weekly HERSELF in order to get the bed.
She would NOT have done this in the past. This time, tho, she has some added incentive... next time out - we call Child Protective Services and initiate actions to have her children removed from her care. She cannot stand the idea.... and it hurts to think about doing it - but her kids deserve a regular mom.
So... any sobriety is better than active addiction, and it sounds like your son is currently sober. That is good.
Does he have a plan for gradually getting back into the world? Being able to handle money? Be able to support himself?
If not, do you have a plan for the rest of your life?
Hanging in there like a 4 pound booger is a plan for today, and I 'get' it - but that hasn't worked well for me as far as living life "joyfully". And the difference is big.
I wish you a joyful life.
But I am not resigned to it. MY life is supposed to be a little more carefree now that my kids are old enough to live away. That is my goal... to get back to THAT life, the one I worked for for so long.
Today, I am also caring for my daughter & her kids... but with conditions. She is to get back to school and find a career that will allow her to support her babies herself... nursing seems like a good choice, she says.
But if we have learned NOTHING else, it is that NONE of that can happen as long as she is still active in her addiction. After some pretty intense relapses, she has gotter HERSELF into the local addiction recovery center, gotten HERSELF on a waiting list, and is checking back weekly HERSELF in order to get the bed.
She would NOT have done this in the past. This time, tho, she has some added incentive... next time out - we call Child Protective Services and initiate actions to have her children removed from her care. She cannot stand the idea.... and it hurts to think about doing it - but her kids deserve a regular mom.
So... any sobriety is better than active addiction, and it sounds like your son is currently sober. That is good.
Does he have a plan for gradually getting back into the world? Being able to handle money? Be able to support himself?
If not, do you have a plan for the rest of your life?
Hanging in there like a 4 pound booger is a plan for today, and I 'get' it - but that hasn't worked well for me as far as living life "joyfully". And the difference is big.
I wish you a joyful life.
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((((((Barbdee))))))))))
I've missed ya. So sorry to hear about your son and his relapse.
It's gotta be rough on you and your husband.
Wish I had some words of wisdom....but I sure don't.
Maybe ya just need to start going to meetings, coming here more
often, and start focusing on you and your own needs.
I know it's hard. Yet, I'm afraid if you don't do something, anything,
you might start having a whole lot of built up anger and resentments.
That'll only cause you more pain.
Boundries. That's what you need to start with.
What you will tolerate and what you won't.
He's 31 yo, sweetie. You have to start taking care and worrying more
about you and your husband. Life is too dang short to spend it appeasing
and pleasing everyone else.
'Nuff said.
I love ya, Barb. Just want ya to be as happy as you can be.
Sending lots of hugs, support, and prayers your way.
I've missed ya. So sorry to hear about your son and his relapse.
It's gotta be rough on you and your husband.
Wish I had some words of wisdom....but I sure don't.
Maybe ya just need to start going to meetings, coming here more
often, and start focusing on you and your own needs.
I know it's hard. Yet, I'm afraid if you don't do something, anything,
you might start having a whole lot of built up anger and resentments.
That'll only cause you more pain.
Boundries. That's what you need to start with.
What you will tolerate and what you won't.
He's 31 yo, sweetie. You have to start taking care and worrying more
about you and your husband. Life is too dang short to spend it appeasing
and pleasing everyone else.
'Nuff said.
I love ya, Barb. Just want ya to be as happy as you can be.
Sending lots of hugs, support, and prayers your way.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Welcome back.
Many of us walk the "mine field" of having an addicted grown child.
We don't want to give up on them. We don't want to lose them.
Hopefully, your son won't dissappoint you again and will seek recovery.
Many of us walk the "mine field" of having an addicted grown child.
We don't want to give up on them. We don't want to lose them.
Hopefully, your son won't dissappoint you again and will seek recovery.
2
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: totally lost
Posts: 250
Wow, so nice to see all the familiar names, the fact that ya'll remember me and all the welcome backs. Thx so much!
We don't really have any future plans except that as soon as AS gets his license back, he's going back into an Oxford house and has to get a real job.
I had a long talk with husband today, who has been having alot of anxiety and depression problems and he told me that AS working with him every day is an enormous help. AS runs interference and actually learned alot of things at his last job that helps husband. Plus we don't have to pay him! I give him $100 credit on his debt every day he works. He owes us over 10k, so maybe after 2 yrs. he'll be paid off, or close to it :-)
So guess I really don't have alot to complain about, since he's clean 5 months. I just really enjoyed the year or so that husband and I had alone, but since AS is doing most of the housework, it's given me time to get back to oil painting, writing music and basically just doing the things I enjoy. So our situation is not without it's merits.
Looks like Monday nights is "our" chat night? Does anyone know what time?
Thx again, B
We don't really have any future plans except that as soon as AS gets his license back, he's going back into an Oxford house and has to get a real job.
I had a long talk with husband today, who has been having alot of anxiety and depression problems and he told me that AS working with him every day is an enormous help. AS runs interference and actually learned alot of things at his last job that helps husband. Plus we don't have to pay him! I give him $100 credit on his debt every day he works. He owes us over 10k, so maybe after 2 yrs. he'll be paid off, or close to it :-)
So guess I really don't have alot to complain about, since he's clean 5 months. I just really enjoyed the year or so that husband and I had alone, but since AS is doing most of the housework, it's given me time to get back to oil painting, writing music and basically just doing the things I enjoy. So our situation is not without it's merits.
Looks like Monday nights is "our" chat night? Does anyone know what time?
Thx again, B
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