He Broke Down

Old 05-28-2008, 05:43 AM
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He Broke Down

My bf finally broke down and told me what he has been doing! it happened last nite i got home from work to a really sad man i asked if he was ok he then started to cry and he told me all about how he has been taking coke and he needs help! am so glad he has finally addmitted that he has a problem!
He phoned a number spoke to people to get a meeting near our house, he has one tonight and he wants me to go along for support its for friends and family too. I am a bit scared it might be to hard for him tonight and i feel he needs to do this on his own without me there. I am so worried about his state of mind but so glad he has finally addmitted what he is doing and that he wants help,
he asked me if i was going to leave him, i said i didnt know what to do i said that he should just concentrate on his recovery and getting better than to worry about what i was going to do.
I need more time to think about what to do i know that if he stays off it i will stay but then again i also know if he is going to take it again it will brake my heart and i know am worth more than that. only time will tell. but am happy he has finally realised and seeking help thats the first step to recovery right? x
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Old 05-28-2008, 05:48 AM
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Hi Worriedlady,

I think that's a good thing. I wish my AH would come clean...

This is a good first step for him. To admit he's powerless is the very first step.

Continue to work on yourself....

Stay strong,
dd
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Old 05-28-2008, 05:52 AM
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i just hope he sticks to it am not getting to excited but i ahve never seen him like that last night he was so helpless and scared and weak, he knows what he wants to do and how he is going to do it. i just hope he doesnt loose the light. he was on a wesite just like this one and was so shocked to find that there are so many people in the same situation as him i think that helped him see that he's not alone and just because his friends do it it doesnt mean he has to! he might have finally grown up! x:ghug
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Old 05-28-2008, 06:29 AM
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hi worried lady i am relatively new to this site and all that addicts entail (my addict is my husband) but in my opinion if he wants to go to a meeting then going to the first one with him is not a bad thing, him going with you is better than him not going at all. Others that are more experienced with this may have a different opinion i dont know but to me i know we arent supposed to enable them to continue using but enabling recovery cant be bad right! best of luck xx
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Old 05-28-2008, 08:27 AM
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I just wanted to say good luck. I hope you are both ready for this journey. He will have to give up all his friends that use. Admitting he has problem is a good start. Has he thought about a treatment center. My addict thinks he can handle himself around the friends that use. He has not been clean for long. He has been 5 treatment centers for his problem. YOu need to go to a meeting for yourself.
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Old 05-28-2008, 09:23 AM
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I don't think there's anything wrong with you going along to his first meeting, if that will help him. It can be a very scary thing, that first meeting, and the support of someone familiar could get him past that initial fear of the unknown. It may help you, too, to hear the things shared.
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Old 05-29-2008, 05:45 AM
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hey guys thanks for the advice he has made a one to one meeting with a counciler today as he phoned and they said he could come in on his own for that first time! i have told him i will support him and go to meetings to help him through it. i am totally praying that he does do all the things that he says he is going to do. x
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Old 05-29-2008, 06:41 AM
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i am so glad he has admitted he has a problem. that is the first step. for you work your recovery & go to the meetings with him if that is what you want to do. sometimes they feel as if they do need you there especially to start with. get yourself to naranon.lot of times they have the meetings at the same building,same times.keep coming back here & let us know how it is going.prayers for you both,
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Old 05-29-2008, 07:03 AM
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Worried Lady I am going to jump in here and give some opposite advice.

First, watch his actions. He may say he needs you to go with him to a meeting, HOWEVER, he NEEDS to do this on his own.

You cannot be HIS CRUTCH. He has to go to the counselor alone, he can do the meeting alone.

i will support him and go to meetings
Instead, check out Alanon and/or Naranon and find a meeting at the same time or times if he continues and he goes to his meeting and you go to YOUR Alanon or Naranon meeting. I suggest Alanon also because many times there are more Alanon meetings than Naranon meeting available.

This is his responsibility. I am glad he finally told you something you already knew or suspected. However, be very very careful, this could also be MANIPULATION. You cannot fix him, and to be honest you cannot help him.

I share this with you from my own experience..........................I will be 27 years sober on the 7th of June and will have 24 years in Alanon also on that same date.

PLEASE, find your own meetings. Let him work on him and you work on you.

J M H O

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing, we do care very much.

Love and hugs,
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Old 05-29-2008, 07:05 AM
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Smile

Admitting to you he has a problem is HUGE! A great first step, as everyone has said. So is going to talk to a counselor.

My opinion is that it is ok for you to go to the first meeting with him - it is scary - and you will be able to find a contact for meetings for you - either Naranon or Alanon.

Those meetings helped me understand what the addict was going through and more importantly, how much I was affected by someone else's using. They were addicted to the drugs and I was addicted to them. Took me awhile to really believe that, but the wonderful folks in Alanon helped me make some necessary changes in my life.

Today, I am ok whether or not the addicts in my life are using. And that is truly a miracle!

Keep coming back - we need you.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
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Old 05-29-2008, 07:06 AM
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I think it is a huge step that he admitted he has a problem. I personally don't think there is a problem with going to the first meeting with him if it is an open meeting. The treatment center my husband was in encourages family members to attend an occasional meeting with the addict. Hopefully he will be able to go to the second meeting alone.

I understand being confused between supporting and enabling and being codependent, but in this situation I think the first meeting is ok to go with.
Good Luck and best wishes to you through your very difficult time!!!
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Old 05-30-2008, 05:53 AM
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i am going to see if there are any meetings that i can go to and will go to the first meeting with him for support then am going to concentrate on me and how i can get through this! x
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