kara16

What really sux is that I still love my husband with my whole heart and soul.
Stupid, huh? Married 20 years, been put through hell the past 8 years, can't live with him, am learning to live without him, but I still love him......
How stupid is that????

NEVEREnds

(((((kara)))))

I know exactly how you feel. I am learning to live without my AH just recently and it does suck to a point. AH and I could not live together either, it was almost like being alone when he was there aside from me being able to look at him (which is something I miss) But when he was there I hated seeing him (Crazy emotions) I don't have much to offer aside from my support and prayers for strength to get through ... I believe that it can't be any worse being alone and loving from afar, then being together and having the love stomped out of you over and over and over again ... My love is worth more than that ... Stay strong ...

Love and hugs,

loner1968

its not stupid. I still "love" my ex but its a different love. Kind of like I hope he reaches a point where he can let the parts of him through that used to be there but maybe are burried. But I wont be around to see it. I really don't want anything bad to happen to him. He is bad enough as it is. Of course he probably thinks I am still sitting here crying over him because it seems like that what he wanted to hear all the time. Whatever though...I pray for him in my own way everyday but not for him to come back.Just for him to find his own way maybe without booze, and drugs.

kara16

AH and I could not live together either, it was almost like being alone when he was there aside from me being able to look at him (which is something I miss) But when he was there I hated seeing him





I totally get this!!!!!

drugdown

I get it...and I'm as confused as you are. Why in the world do I still care for this man?? That's a question I can almost answer.....I'm addicted to him, his problems, his addiction, his getting better....all of it.

Stay strong....and it's ok to still care....as long as you continue to work on yourself.

hugs,
dd

NEVEREnds

Kara, I'm not trying to hijack your thread, but I have a question that I feel may belong here ... How do you let the care show in a healthy way without getting all twisted up again ????

Callie

I "get it" too. My AH can be a great guy, very kind, caring, loving, generous ect. But I see that part of him maybe 10% of the time. But when I see it I'm always doubting it and never trusting that it will last. Like I"m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. He never fails me though, it always does drop. I'm struggling with how to let go when I know that I NEED to let go for my own health.

NE I know what you mean about showing you care in a healthy way without letting yourself get sucked back in. I'm not sure you can. Like with My AH, I'll always care about him, always be there for him in anyway that I can, always love him. But I know it is NOT a healthy kind of love. I'm not sure how to let go of a M that is toxic. But yet the rational part says I have to. I HAVE to put the energy that I've put into him back into myself. I am worn out, stressed and the smile that was always there on my face - well I have to dig for it now and have for years..

drugdown

It's exhausting.


dd

kara16

That is a question that I find myself struggling with also. If I try to reach out and for instance invite him to one of our son's school functions or ball games, he thinks it means he can come home again and all is ok...it's not!
Then he gets angry and tells me that he is not going to let me MAKE him go use again ....SIGH
Hopefully as time goes on it will be possible to show that I care with out all the nasty stuff rearing it's ugly head. I know what you mean about getting all twisted up again and am trying to distance myself again as he has shown me that right now it is just not possible for me to show that I do care.....
It is so much harder now because I do want my son to have a relationship with his dad, someday, someway.....

SS234

Feel everyone's posts here. Mine is with a recovering alcoholic though - he is 15 years sober. We were seeing each other for 1.5 years.

Maybe everyone feels this way to a degree with their ex - whether alcoholic/recovering alcoholic/ or "normal".

I do feel some sort of difference here though - I was able to let go of others easier and faster. There is something about this one that I just wish would have happened - there always seemed to be this wall up where he just couldn't "give". But I feel that he is able to give. He broke it off a few weeks ago because he "found someone" which makes me believe he can be in a normal relationship - he just kind of strung me along because I was willing.

hope4always

I was all bummed out after I ended my relationship – of course that was only 2 years, not 20. There were qualities he possessed that I loved and certainly missed, but I didn’t love *him* anymore. I was lied to and dealt with disappearing acts and all what else so he could smoke crack, so that pretty much made me see him for who he really was – actually, who he eventually became.

For me, it’s an automatic to cut off someone who *intentionally* tries to screw with me, hurt me or violates basic boundaries. It hurts more knowing someone I love or thought I could trust would do these things to me than it does to cut them loose at that point.

Once someone’s true colors come out, it’s difficult to *not* see them any other way.