who is the true self?
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 123
who is the true self?
everyone talks about how the addict manipulates and charms thier way into your life? is thier anything real about them? how do you know which one is which? ive seen both sides of who my ex can be, but is there ever a true genuine side,, or is that just a game also to win our acceptance of them? do they even know who they are if they have been in the addiction for most of thier life? just curious? is everyhting about what they say and how they treat you a manipulation on thier part? and do they know they are doing this? do they care? i think its intresting that it seems as if most addicts are good at potraying the person we want them to be? this is a skill of perfecting what you want ot hear and see, so they can have you in thier life? is it just one hugh con job and we really dont know anyhting about them, we just think we do?i dont see how a person can be a true self if they are so busy playing different roles to keep thier addiction alive? wouldll ove to hear from the addicts on thier take on this?
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NJ
Posts: 26
Not sure I have any real answers here...but I believe much of the behavior, lying....stealing...are symptoms of the disease. I honestly don't think my ah would steal from me if he was not on heroin. I'm also sure it's something he's very ashamed of doing. So I think I'm saying it's all real.
Hugs,
dd
Hugs,
dd
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Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
In my opinion, the drugs/alcohol/process addiction are just a symptom of the true disease which is a sickness of the spirit (which is the lying, cheating, manipulating, etc). Most psychiatrists refrain from diagnosing true mental illness in active addicts because active addiction mimics many of the characteristics of anti-social and narcissistic personality disorders and also, bi-polar. It's almost impossible to weed anything out while someone is using - even if they are not doing it everyday. One of the things that use to perplex me was my husbands "addicty" behavior even at times when he wasn't high. His brain was still hijacked even in his more sober moments. Brain healing after the last use of a drug can take quite awhile.
From what I've seen it is not necessarily a conscious decision of an addict to dup/con and manipulate. It just turns out that way. It's what they have to do/think/feel to continue to have using drugs make sense. Or even when it quits making sense and becomes a necessity of life. I would do anything in the world to protect my "babies" and that must be similar to how an addict must feel about their substance and the life that supports that.
Unfortunately, addicts can be some of the most charming, desirable, magnificent people in the world before we get mired down in their addiction with them. If they weren't this way then we wouldn't fall for them like we do. Drug use just changes your brain wiring so who you are before you become an addict is different from who you end up being in recovery - or active addiction. Am I the same person that I was before I got tied up in all of this mess? Absolutely not. I can't go back to who I was any more than my RAH can be who he was before all of this started. Recovery programs are important because they provide a framework to develop into the person that is the "true self". Many of the character defects that are addressed in steps 6 and 7 are simply life skills gone bad. Every characteristic has a good and bad side.
How much do we really know anyone (whether they are an addict or not)? We are all constantly growing and changing. We all have shadow selves that we hide from ourselves. I think that we all have many "parts" of our personalities. Depending upon circumstances, different "parts" are more in the forefront than others.
That is true for addicts, recovering addicts, and non-addicts.
From what I've seen it is not necessarily a conscious decision of an addict to dup/con and manipulate. It just turns out that way. It's what they have to do/think/feel to continue to have using drugs make sense. Or even when it quits making sense and becomes a necessity of life. I would do anything in the world to protect my "babies" and that must be similar to how an addict must feel about their substance and the life that supports that.
Unfortunately, addicts can be some of the most charming, desirable, magnificent people in the world before we get mired down in their addiction with them. If they weren't this way then we wouldn't fall for them like we do. Drug use just changes your brain wiring so who you are before you become an addict is different from who you end up being in recovery - or active addiction. Am I the same person that I was before I got tied up in all of this mess? Absolutely not. I can't go back to who I was any more than my RAH can be who he was before all of this started. Recovery programs are important because they provide a framework to develop into the person that is the "true self". Many of the character defects that are addressed in steps 6 and 7 are simply life skills gone bad. Every characteristic has a good and bad side.
How much do we really know anyone (whether they are an addict or not)? We are all constantly growing and changing. We all have shadow selves that we hide from ourselves. I think that we all have many "parts" of our personalities. Depending upon circumstances, different "parts" are more in the forefront than others.
That is true for addicts, recovering addicts, and non-addicts.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Unfortunately, addicts can be some of the most charming, desirable, magnificent people in the world before we get mired down in their addiction with them. If they weren't this way then we wouldn't fall for them like we do.
But once the drugs start... omg.
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 32
Worth being quoted again...
When I stopped trying to find the meaning behind the details and instead looked at him for what he was, was when I understood it’s always going to be a free-for-all and a guessing game to be with an addict. And the lying by omission…? UGH!
The truths didn’t come out until AFTER he used and much of the other really ugly truths didn’t come out until AFTER I ended it… and I know what I did find out was just the tip of an incredibly huge iceberg!
I think they LIKE us enough to stay with us, but they also have to make sure we are also going to be a soft place to land. Someone who holds them accountable for their actions isn’t very soft and cuddly anymore.
Unfortunately, you just have to assume you're being lied to and manipulated and deceived at any point if you're with an addict.
Originally Posted by lightseeker 
...Unfortunately, addicts can be some of the most charming, desirable, magnificent people in the world before we get mired down in their addiction with them. If they weren't this way then we wouldn't fall for them like we do...
The truths didn’t come out until AFTER he used and much of the other really ugly truths didn’t come out until AFTER I ended it… and I know what I did find out was just the tip of an incredibly huge iceberg!
I think they LIKE us enough to stay with us, but they also have to make sure we are also going to be a soft place to land. Someone who holds them accountable for their actions isn’t very soft and cuddly anymore.
Unfortunately, you just have to assume you're being lied to and manipulated and deceived at any point if you're with an addict.
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