Adjusting to AD being in jail
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Tulsa, OK
Posts: 7
Adjusting to AD being in jail
I have only written a couple of times but have been reading these posts regularly. I guess it is time to write again.
My daughter is addicted to Ambien and when she gets stoned she steals things. She has a couple of petty larceny charges and one attempted felony shoplifting charge. My spouse has bailed her out twice in the past - the second time against my wishes.
Last night she was arrested - he knows the charges, I don't yet. He agreed to not bail her out and she is in jail right now with $1200 bond that we don't intend to pay.
I have never had anyone in my family have a criminal record - I know this is her addiction, but I just don't understand stealing. We have been allowing her to stay and she understood that one more relapse meant she would not be able to come home.
I feel guilty that we have enabled her so long, but I am done. I can't do it any longer. I am struggling with the idea that she will likely be on the streets, but know that until she hits bottom, she has no reason to change.
I know there are other mothers out there that may have been though similar situations and would really like some feedback on how you get through those initial days with a daughter or son in jail or on the streets.
Thanks, Kathryn
My daughter is addicted to Ambien and when she gets stoned she steals things. She has a couple of petty larceny charges and one attempted felony shoplifting charge. My spouse has bailed her out twice in the past - the second time against my wishes.
Last night she was arrested - he knows the charges, I don't yet. He agreed to not bail her out and she is in jail right now with $1200 bond that we don't intend to pay.
I have never had anyone in my family have a criminal record - I know this is her addiction, but I just don't understand stealing. We have been allowing her to stay and she understood that one more relapse meant she would not be able to come home.
I feel guilty that we have enabled her so long, but I am done. I can't do it any longer. I am struggling with the idea that she will likely be on the streets, but know that until she hits bottom, she has no reason to change.
I know there are other mothers out there that may have been though similar situations and would really like some feedback on how you get through those initial days with a daughter or son in jail or on the streets.
Thanks, Kathryn
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((psychobabe)))
I can't tell you how to get through it as a mom. I can, however, tell you that you're doing the right thing by not bailing her out.
I'm a recovering addict, and it wasn't until I was faced with my consequences, that I chose recovery.
Af ro the stealing...most addicts do that to support their addiction. Others do it because they're high, they want something and think they will get away with it.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I can't tell you how to get through it as a mom. I can, however, tell you that you're doing the right thing by not bailing her out.
I'm a recovering addict, and it wasn't until I was faced with my consequences, that I chose recovery.
Af ro the stealing...most addicts do that to support their addiction. Others do it because they're high, they want something and think they will get away with it.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
((((Psychobabe))))
I know what it is like to have a daughter in jail and living from sofa to sofa. It is one of the hardest things I've had to live through. As for jail, I never bailed her out. Her times were not lengthy, but scarey just the same. She turned her life around the last time she was in jail. I can't tell you how I got through it because I think I was numb the whole time. Some way, some how, you just get through it.
Maybe this will just be what your daughter needs to turn her life around.
I know what it is like to have a daughter in jail and living from sofa to sofa. It is one of the hardest things I've had to live through. As for jail, I never bailed her out. Her times were not lengthy, but scarey just the same. She turned her life around the last time she was in jail. I can't tell you how I got through it because I think I was numb the whole time. Some way, some how, you just get through it.
Maybe this will just be what your daughter needs to turn her life around.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
you're in the right place psychobabe. i'm the mom of a 21 AS and am in the midst of waiting (sometimes patiently, sometimes not) for him to choose recovery.
I highly suggest Alanon or Naranon meetings for you, education about addiction and what it does to the brain with its ensuing logic (I suggest Addict in the Family by Beverly Conyers), continuing to read these posts, and hopefully getting your husband involved in all this support too. A united family is a strong influence on that addict daughter of yours!!
While she is in jail would be a good time to talk to your daughter about that fact that drugs have caused her to be where she is at and that rehab would be a good choice for her when she gets out of jail. I'm assuming she's scared about not knowing where she's going to live when she gets out of jail, and you can use that fear to persuade her to choose rehab/recovery. It's called "raising her bottom" and that's what we family members strive to do. If she does not choose rehab/recovery then she chooses to live at a homeless shelter or a place of her own choosing THAT IS NOT WITH YOU!! You will feel better about offering her options rather than just "turning her out to the street." I think our adult children feel better when things are couched that way, too.
You are doing well! Keep coming back.
I highly suggest Alanon or Naranon meetings for you, education about addiction and what it does to the brain with its ensuing logic (I suggest Addict in the Family by Beverly Conyers), continuing to read these posts, and hopefully getting your husband involved in all this support too. A united family is a strong influence on that addict daughter of yours!!
While she is in jail would be a good time to talk to your daughter about that fact that drugs have caused her to be where she is at and that rehab would be a good choice for her when she gets out of jail. I'm assuming she's scared about not knowing where she's going to live when she gets out of jail, and you can use that fear to persuade her to choose rehab/recovery. It's called "raising her bottom" and that's what we family members strive to do. If she does not choose rehab/recovery then she chooses to live at a homeless shelter or a place of her own choosing THAT IS NOT WITH YOU!! You will feel better about offering her options rather than just "turning her out to the street." I think our adult children feel better when things are couched that way, too.
You are doing well! Keep coming back.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I am not the mom of an addict but I do have several siblings who have been to jail and prison. My mom has bailed them out so many times and now in their 40's and 50's they are still using, still living at home.
I can't help but wonder if she will ever stop also I wonder how things might have turned out if she never bailed them out or paid for their lawyers and instead let them take responsibility for their own life.
I can't help but wonder if she will ever stop also I wonder how things might have turned out if she never bailed them out or paid for their lawyers and instead let them take responsibility for their own life.
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((((((psychobabe)))))))))
Been there, done that.
My 26 yo son is my addict.
Hasn't used heroin in almost 3 years.
This could help your daughter, mom.
Trust me.
Keep coming back to sr for support. Find alanon meetings
in your area to attend, if possible. Read books about
codependency, boundries, and enabling.
Regardless how your daughter does, you can get better.
Sending prayers and best wishes,
Linda
Been there, done that.
My 26 yo son is my addict.
Hasn't used heroin in almost 3 years.
This could help your daughter, mom.
Trust me.
Keep coming back to sr for support. Find alanon meetings
in your area to attend, if possible. Read books about
codependency, boundries, and enabling.
Regardless how your daughter does, you can get better.
Sending prayers and best wishes,
Linda
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 773
Having her stay in jail on bond is your choice & probably the right one. However, I hope you realize that there are few, if any, productive programs in county jails. For example, they probably don't even offer a rehab type program which she obviously needs.
Tib
Tib
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 20
Dear Kathryn,
I’m the mother of an addict son in jail, and like you, we were also a law abiding family. Except for my youngest son, who currently sits in the county facility waiting sentencing, which will send him to prison for an undetermined length of time. It could be 6 to 13 years or as many as 25 to life. We simply don’t know yet.
My son used for years. From the time he was very young in fact. I didn’t understand that my son was an addict. I thought he was simple a “troubled” boy and that’s why his life was such a mess. I don’t know if I was in denial or if I really didn’t understand, but not too very long ago I finally came to understand that, yes, my son is “troubled, AND he is an addict.
For years my ex-husband and I enabled our son. We truly believed we were helping. We weren’t. We cleaned up his messes, we made excuses, we bought his way out of every scrape he managed to get himself into, we paid for alternative schools, psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, we funded stays in mental institutions and hospitals, we provided cars, housing, toys, clothes, food, and when he went to jail, we bailed him out and provided attorneys. We did all of this in the name of love and were motivated by a desperate need to help our child get well. He didn’t. He only got worse. Nothing we did helped, and what we really ended up doing was stripping our son of the opportunity to grow up, mature, and learn to be accountable and take responsibility for his choices, behaviors, and actions. We prevented our child from experiencing the consequences for his actions, and now what our family is living with is pretty devastating.
I’m not suggesting that my son’s choice to use drugs in my fault. It’s not. It is, however, possible that had his father and I NOT intervened every time he took a fall and established boundaries early on, he could have found recovery sooner. We simply made it too easy for him to continue using.
That’s all changed now. My son is going to prison. Fortunately, I found recovery before my son’s current run-in with the law, and when that happened I was better prepared to stop the enabling. This time I didn’t bail him out. I didn’t retain an attorney. I didn’t intervene. I can’t. I know now if I do, my helping might very well kill him. Standing back and not intervening is counter-intuitive to me. It goes against every single thing I thought being a mother was about. But if my boy is to have a smidgen of a chance, he is going to have to find his own way.
I relate completely to your fear for your daughter being on the streets. My son was on the streets too for a time. It’s horrid. But I couldn’t rescue him. I had to stop the enabling.
You asked how we parents get through these initial days? For me the answer to that is not well. It’s hard. In fact, this is so difficult some days I’m not certain I will survive. But I am surviving and I will continue to survive and, hopefully, thrive. I’m doing that by reading everything I can get my hands on about addiction and recovery. I’m reading and working every day on detaching, as was previously suggested here. I do that by going to meetings, and being with and talking to others like myself who understand and will not judge me. I do that by working my own personal recovery program. I do this with the help of others. If there is anything I have learned from this experience, it’s that I cannot do this alone. I need the help of others like yourself who understand.
It is said that we cannot fix our addicts – we are simply not that powerful. I understand now what that means. But I can love my son and I do. I do it all one day at a time. That’s how I manage. I trust this program and I trust these people and I would invite you to hang in there with us. You are definitely not alone.
Oh – and about recovery for your child. As Tiburon88 suggested, there are no recovery programs available in the county facility for my son either. Apparently that’s typical. What I have done, is send my son every kind of recovery reading material I could find (including the NA blue book) and have had it mailed to him. He says it helps.
Hopefully this experience will be a wake up call for your daughter to seek her own help – find her own recovery. I think that’s the prayer for every single one of us here at SR.
I’m the mother of an addict son in jail, and like you, we were also a law abiding family. Except for my youngest son, who currently sits in the county facility waiting sentencing, which will send him to prison for an undetermined length of time. It could be 6 to 13 years or as many as 25 to life. We simply don’t know yet.
My son used for years. From the time he was very young in fact. I didn’t understand that my son was an addict. I thought he was simple a “troubled” boy and that’s why his life was such a mess. I don’t know if I was in denial or if I really didn’t understand, but not too very long ago I finally came to understand that, yes, my son is “troubled, AND he is an addict.
For years my ex-husband and I enabled our son. We truly believed we were helping. We weren’t. We cleaned up his messes, we made excuses, we bought his way out of every scrape he managed to get himself into, we paid for alternative schools, psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, we funded stays in mental institutions and hospitals, we provided cars, housing, toys, clothes, food, and when he went to jail, we bailed him out and provided attorneys. We did all of this in the name of love and were motivated by a desperate need to help our child get well. He didn’t. He only got worse. Nothing we did helped, and what we really ended up doing was stripping our son of the opportunity to grow up, mature, and learn to be accountable and take responsibility for his choices, behaviors, and actions. We prevented our child from experiencing the consequences for his actions, and now what our family is living with is pretty devastating.
I’m not suggesting that my son’s choice to use drugs in my fault. It’s not. It is, however, possible that had his father and I NOT intervened every time he took a fall and established boundaries early on, he could have found recovery sooner. We simply made it too easy for him to continue using.
That’s all changed now. My son is going to prison. Fortunately, I found recovery before my son’s current run-in with the law, and when that happened I was better prepared to stop the enabling. This time I didn’t bail him out. I didn’t retain an attorney. I didn’t intervene. I can’t. I know now if I do, my helping might very well kill him. Standing back and not intervening is counter-intuitive to me. It goes against every single thing I thought being a mother was about. But if my boy is to have a smidgen of a chance, he is going to have to find his own way.
I relate completely to your fear for your daughter being on the streets. My son was on the streets too for a time. It’s horrid. But I couldn’t rescue him. I had to stop the enabling.
You asked how we parents get through these initial days? For me the answer to that is not well. It’s hard. In fact, this is so difficult some days I’m not certain I will survive. But I am surviving and I will continue to survive and, hopefully, thrive. I’m doing that by reading everything I can get my hands on about addiction and recovery. I’m reading and working every day on detaching, as was previously suggested here. I do that by going to meetings, and being with and talking to others like myself who understand and will not judge me. I do that by working my own personal recovery program. I do this with the help of others. If there is anything I have learned from this experience, it’s that I cannot do this alone. I need the help of others like yourself who understand.
It is said that we cannot fix our addicts – we are simply not that powerful. I understand now what that means. But I can love my son and I do. I do it all one day at a time. That’s how I manage. I trust this program and I trust these people and I would invite you to hang in there with us. You are definitely not alone.
Oh – and about recovery for your child. As Tiburon88 suggested, there are no recovery programs available in the county facility for my son either. Apparently that’s typical. What I have done, is send my son every kind of recovery reading material I could find (including the NA blue book) and have had it mailed to him. He says it helps.
Hopefully this experience will be a wake up call for your daughter to seek her own help – find her own recovery. I think that’s the prayer for every single one of us here at SR.
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
I saw my 1st husband's Mother bail him out time after time. I divorced my 1st husband after 10 yrs of marriage. I told both my sons while they were growing up if they ever broke the law I wouldn't bail them out. Unfortunately when my oldest son did get into trouble my parents bailed him out totally against my wishes. My sons addiction has been going on for 20 yrs thanks to my parents enabling him. He sits in jail again for what I believe is the 7th time. You are doing the right thing by letting him sit.
Enabling is not the answer because if it was my son would be ok now. The only one who can help them is themself.
Enabling is not the answer because if it was my son would be ok now. The only one who can help them is themself.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
My son was booted out of rehab. they took him to a major city and left him at a homeless shelter which had no beds awvailable so he slept on their parking lot. It was the motivation for him to call the rehab and ask to come back, because he had no other place to go. He is currently in rehab 13 weeks.
We can't cushion their fall to bottom, because that is just what might make them seek recovery.
There are many parents here to share experience, strength + hope.
I know your sorrow. My son was also a thief and a liar with progressing addiction.
There are stories here of recovery.
Let your daughter suffer her conseq. and keep faith that she will seek recovery one day.
We can't cushion their fall to bottom, because that is just what might make them seek recovery.
There are many parents here to share experience, strength + hope.
I know your sorrow. My son was also a thief and a liar with progressing addiction.
There are stories here of recovery.
Let your daughter suffer her conseq. and keep faith that she will seek recovery one day.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Tulsa, OK
Posts: 7
Thank you so much for all the response and support. I know it is the right thing to do. She has been in rehab twice but was never willing to do what she was taught would work. I guess she never hurt enough. She has so many charges against her - we keep finding out about more - this may mean prison time.
This is a young woman who had attended two years of graduate school before her addiction hit her. It is so hard to see her fall so far. She was allowed to go back to school this year and came within 3 weeks of graduating with her masters in physical therapy - then crashed and burned.
I am sad and angry - at her - and the disease.
This is a young woman who had attended two years of graduate school before her addiction hit her. It is so hard to see her fall so far. She was allowed to go back to school this year and came within 3 weeks of graduating with her masters in physical therapy - then crashed and burned.
I am sad and angry - at her - and the disease.
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Psychobabe
I remember the very first time my son, who is now 45 years old, was arrested and thrown in jail. I couldn't get there fast enough to bail him out.
Then came the second and the third and the fourth, etc., etc., etc., until finally, the bail was so high I couldn't get him out anymore!
So, what did I learn? Better Yet, what did he learn?
I'll tell you what he learned. He learned that no matter what he did or who he hurt, his Mother would get him out and he never had to face consequences because she never held him accountable for his actions!
I'll tell you what I learned. All I did by rescuing him so many times is postponed the inevitable which, ultimately, was prison!
The first time he went to San Quentin, I was so devastated that I couldn't open my eyes for two days because I cried so much!
Once he got out of there (5 months before he was placed) and into a "better" prison, I was relieved. I was relieved knowing he was safe and warm and most of all not using!
He has been in prison now for the past 3 years and coming out in October! To tell you the truth, I am not looking forward to his homecoming. That's sad huh? The reason being is while he is there he looks wonderful, has his sense of humor back, and is not suffering from self-inflicted "bi-polar, ADD, ADHD!"
What happens to all those problems?? I'll tell you, NO DRUGS!
Hang in there, stick to your boundaries. Let her know you mean what you say! She'll do fine in jail. In fact, some of them get it right away and never repeat past performance once they know Mamma isn't going to bail them out.
Leave her there and enjoy the fact that you know she's safe there!
Hugs, Devastated
Then came the second and the third and the fourth, etc., etc., etc., until finally, the bail was so high I couldn't get him out anymore!
So, what did I learn? Better Yet, what did he learn?
I'll tell you what he learned. He learned that no matter what he did or who he hurt, his Mother would get him out and he never had to face consequences because she never held him accountable for his actions!
I'll tell you what I learned. All I did by rescuing him so many times is postponed the inevitable which, ultimately, was prison!
The first time he went to San Quentin, I was so devastated that I couldn't open my eyes for two days because I cried so much!
Once he got out of there (5 months before he was placed) and into a "better" prison, I was relieved. I was relieved knowing he was safe and warm and most of all not using!
He has been in prison now for the past 3 years and coming out in October! To tell you the truth, I am not looking forward to his homecoming. That's sad huh? The reason being is while he is there he looks wonderful, has his sense of humor back, and is not suffering from self-inflicted "bi-polar, ADD, ADHD!"
What happens to all those problems?? I'll tell you, NO DRUGS!
Hang in there, stick to your boundaries. Let her know you mean what you say! She'll do fine in jail. In fact, some of them get it right away and never repeat past performance once they know Mamma isn't going to bail them out.
Leave her there and enjoy the fact that you know she's safe there!
Hugs, Devastated
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 328
My son was gone for 18 months - didn't know if he was dead or alive - but I just could no longer have him living in my home (he was about 18 years old). Stealing, lying, manipulating - all symptoms of his disease. He would do anything to get the drugs he needed.
How did I do it - Alanon meetings every day and a wonderful loving encouraging Alanon sponsor who had walked the path ahead of me with her son - and working on myself, so if he called again (which he did) I could love him as a person, but not get involved with his disease. He knew where help was, but chose to ignore it - and he continued to find someone to live with, someone to bail him out, someone to steal from for money. Ad infinitum. That was in 1985 - today he has 10 months. And this time it is different.
I'm glad that I was told that I could be happy and ok whether or not the alcoholic/addict in my life was sober - or else I would have killed myself from all of the stress and worry. I had to go on with my life.
I turned him over each night to the God of my understanding, and put my head down and went to sleep - because God is up all night anyway!
Is it easy - no - one of the hardest things I've ever done. But is it doable - yes. Most of us on this Board have had to deal with this type of thing in one way or another.
Keep coming back!
Love in recovery,
Dottie Lou
How did I do it - Alanon meetings every day and a wonderful loving encouraging Alanon sponsor who had walked the path ahead of me with her son - and working on myself, so if he called again (which he did) I could love him as a person, but not get involved with his disease. He knew where help was, but chose to ignore it - and he continued to find someone to live with, someone to bail him out, someone to steal from for money. Ad infinitum. That was in 1985 - today he has 10 months. And this time it is different.
I'm glad that I was told that I could be happy and ok whether or not the alcoholic/addict in my life was sober - or else I would have killed myself from all of the stress and worry. I had to go on with my life.
I turned him over each night to the God of my understanding, and put my head down and went to sleep - because God is up all night anyway!
Is it easy - no - one of the hardest things I've ever done. But is it doable - yes. Most of us on this Board have had to deal with this type of thing in one way or another.
Keep coming back!
Love in recovery,
Dottie Lou
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Originally Posted by psychobabe 
how you get through those initial days with a daughter or son in jail or on the streets.
My oldest son is 34, and has had a problem with addiction since the age of 15. It's been a long hard road to travel, and like Dev, I also cried, and bailed him out, and was ashamed of having a son with a "prison record" in our family.
But, gee, I sure came to terms with that quickly. Somehow, by going to meetings, and reading Alanon literature, and working the steps, I came to acceptance of my son's H.P.'s will.
The way I get through my son being in jail, and being an addict, is One day at a time.
It'll get better for you, I promise.
Hugs, from one mom to another........
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
it does not help her nor you to keep bailing her out. let her fall the sooner the better. i say a prayer for my son every morning & turn him over to God. there is nothing i can do but that. we all love our children & it is not easy to let them go. i keep my son in my heart & not in my head. this site has saved my sanity. please keep coming back.prayers for you & your daughter.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Virginia gal
Posts: 132
Dear babe- I know exactly how you feel . My daughter went to jail tonite for shoplifting.
She was sentenced to 3 months and figures that she will pull 45 days, with good behavior. She turned her two kids over to me at 6:30. She cried like it was the end of the world. The only thing I could say to her was as much as she thought she loved her kids, I love her just as much. But I never let go of her. She wanted me to bring the kids to see her while she is in jail. I said no. those children do not need to see their mother in that place. I told her I would not put money on her books for cigerettes or whatever. She said that ABF would do that for her, so I am thinking that this is not going to get him out of her life. But I will not support her in jail. I am supporting her two children while she does her time. I too , like you have never had any experience with the law. Not even a speeding ticket. The shock of having your child behave in this manner is so hurtful, shameful, and for the life of me I cannot understand how they can get so far away from how they were raised. I pray every day that my AD will use this time to see how she has screwed up her life and is screwing up her kids. I can't fix her and I can't save her children. I can protect them while they are with me, but I can't keep them forever.If anything good has come from all of this--is that I have become a stronger person, I have grown in my relationship with the Lord. It is only thru Him that I have managed to survive these past 7 years. There are lots of days when I give it all up to Him then turn right around and take it back. But there are days when I walk with strength and hope that He has full control. He has His plan and I have mine, I just have to give up and know that His the only way that will work. His plan , His time. Not mine.
Hang in there just know that this too will pass. That which does not kill us, makes us stronger. God bless.
She was sentenced to 3 months and figures that she will pull 45 days, with good behavior. She turned her two kids over to me at 6:30. She cried like it was the end of the world. The only thing I could say to her was as much as she thought she loved her kids, I love her just as much. But I never let go of her. She wanted me to bring the kids to see her while she is in jail. I said no. those children do not need to see their mother in that place. I told her I would not put money on her books for cigerettes or whatever. She said that ABF would do that for her, so I am thinking that this is not going to get him out of her life. But I will not support her in jail. I am supporting her two children while she does her time. I too , like you have never had any experience with the law. Not even a speeding ticket. The shock of having your child behave in this manner is so hurtful, shameful, and for the life of me I cannot understand how they can get so far away from how they were raised. I pray every day that my AD will use this time to see how she has screwed up her life and is screwing up her kids. I can't fix her and I can't save her children. I can protect them while they are with me, but I can't keep them forever.If anything good has come from all of this--is that I have become a stronger person, I have grown in my relationship with the Lord. It is only thru Him that I have managed to survive these past 7 years. There are lots of days when I give it all up to Him then turn right around and take it back. But there are days when I walk with strength and hope that He has full control. He has His plan and I have mine, I just have to give up and know that His the only way that will work. His plan , His time. Not mine.
Hang in there just know that this too will pass. That which does not kill us, makes us stronger. God bless.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: OH
Posts: 10
My son is also in jail for the third or fourth time now. You learn, after awhile not to run to their rescue. He will be getting out in September of this year. I'm glad in a way, but scared at the same time. He's getting older now, 26, and there are not a lot of jobs around here. He has signed up for the half way house program. His parole officer called the other day and asked if he could give my address as his place of residence. I told him I wasn't sure about that, he said he really didn't qualify for a half way house and asked if he was homeless. I really don't want him to come back here to live with me. I'm really not sure what to do. When I mentioned he was getting older, well guess what, so am I. As I look toward the future, am I going to be "helping" him out when he's 40 and I'm 65. Financially I know I can't do it. He said he needs money for toothpaste and soap, said the state has cut back on their meal portions, if the food gets dropped on the floor, they scrape it up and put it back in the tray. I've tried to tell him money is tight, 4$ gas and all. He just doesn't get it. You hear all kinds of stories. I have to pray, pray, pray, to keep my sanity.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Humbled)))
My best friend just got out of prison for a year (not drug related). She, too, constantly asked me for money because the same issues your son has said...cut backs, "indigent packs" of soap, toothpaste, etc. backlogged.
After telling her, numerous times, I just didn't HAVE the money, I finally asked her to STOP asking me! She wanted to use my address (which is actually my DAD'S house, where I'm staying) for parole and I told her "no", so she couldn't get out early.
She survived. She is finding out now, that it's pretty darn hard to make it out here, and I've been able to help her out a couple of times, but only because she is working and is trying really, really hard to make it on her own. At the time, I had a little extra cash. Now, we're both struggling with money, but she doesn't ask me for any.
(((psychobabe))) - sorry to hijack your thread for a minute.
When I was in the diversion center, the sargeant in charge of security told us "we don't WANT to make it comfortable for you here....we WANT you to be a little miserable so that you do whatever it takes to not come BACK here!!"
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
My best friend just got out of prison for a year (not drug related). She, too, constantly asked me for money because the same issues your son has said...cut backs, "indigent packs" of soap, toothpaste, etc. backlogged.
After telling her, numerous times, I just didn't HAVE the money, I finally asked her to STOP asking me! She wanted to use my address (which is actually my DAD'S house, where I'm staying) for parole and I told her "no", so she couldn't get out early.
She survived. She is finding out now, that it's pretty darn hard to make it out here, and I've been able to help her out a couple of times, but only because she is working and is trying really, really hard to make it on her own. At the time, I had a little extra cash. Now, we're both struggling with money, but she doesn't ask me for any.
(((psychobabe))) - sorry to hijack your thread for a minute.
When I was in the diversion center, the sargeant in charge of security told us "we don't WANT to make it comfortable for you here....we WANT you to be a little miserable so that you do whatever it takes to not come BACK here!!"
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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