Having a hard time today...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: In the Heart of Dixie
Posts: 128
Having a hard time today...
Today has just been a hard day for some reason, I have not seen or heard from Lauren since Friday. I called a cell number last nite that she had called from and the man told me I had the wrong number. But with that who knows?? I just need to hear from her!!! I don't even have a clue where or with who she is with and that bothers me. I seem to make it better during the day for some reason than I do at night. Sleep has been in short supply this last week for some reason... I could just scream!!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
Night is always the bad time. I once heard the late night hour referred to as "the hour of the wolf."
"You can't sleep, and all you can see is the troubles and the problems and the ways that your life should've gone but didn't. All you can hear is the sound of your own heart."
Hang in there. Nights are rough for me too, in many ways. Something about the sun being gone, the light to warm us. Only the night, where darkness is and dark deeds.
Put on some light. Watch something joyful. Eat sunny: orange juice, popcorn, pineapple upside down cake, pink cupcakes, macaroni and cheese.
:ghug2
"You can't sleep, and all you can see is the troubles and the problems and the ways that your life should've gone but didn't. All you can hear is the sound of your own heart."
Hang in there. Nights are rough for me too, in many ways. Something about the sun being gone, the light to warm us. Only the night, where darkness is and dark deeds.
Put on some light. Watch something joyful. Eat sunny: orange juice, popcorn, pineapple upside down cake, pink cupcakes, macaroni and cheese.
:ghug2
StrivingToThrive
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
((((Obsessed))))
It hurts thinking of where you are right now and how many times i have been there.
That feeling of anxiety and worry has to be the hardest to bear.
I know I'm not very good at it. When I haven't heard from my son for a while I can go into panic mode also. All possibilities of why he's not calling clog up my brain.
And it always happens just when I think I am doing okay at detachment.
But at least I am down to just needing to hear his voice. I have long sense given up on guiding, let alone controlling his life.
Its amazing how one Little phone call can bring such incredible relief... (sigh)
I believe its different for us parents of addicts. All parents worry but We know our children can be in trouble so our worries can get pretty big if we let them. So the need to hear from them is very understandable.
Although I still worry, I have begun to understand my worry isn't going to change anything.
I have been there so many times and each time he's popped back up. So I've wasted hours, days, and the stress I have placed on my mind and body during that time is probably taking years away from my life. I know it takes the quality of today away if I let it. Sometimes it has paralyzed me.
It hasn't done that for him. when he calls he's cheerful as can be.
So when I feel I am going there, I tell myself the odds are he'll pop up because he always has so far. And if my fears are realized I'll know soon enough so why worry about it twice?
Wait for a reason to worry. What else can we do?
All we can do is take care of our mind and heart.
Until I hear otherwise, I am choosing to believe all is well. Its the healthiest thing for me to do at that moment. And then I PRAY PRAY PRAY.... And ask God to walk beside him for me. :praying
Cathy
It hurts thinking of where you are right now and how many times i have been there.
That feeling of anxiety and worry has to be the hardest to bear.
I know I'm not very good at it. When I haven't heard from my son for a while I can go into panic mode also. All possibilities of why he's not calling clog up my brain.
And it always happens just when I think I am doing okay at detachment.
But at least I am down to just needing to hear his voice. I have long sense given up on guiding, let alone controlling his life.
Its amazing how one Little phone call can bring such incredible relief... (sigh)
I believe its different for us parents of addicts. All parents worry but We know our children can be in trouble so our worries can get pretty big if we let them. So the need to hear from them is very understandable.
Although I still worry, I have begun to understand my worry isn't going to change anything.
I have been there so many times and each time he's popped back up. So I've wasted hours, days, and the stress I have placed on my mind and body during that time is probably taking years away from my life. I know it takes the quality of today away if I let it. Sometimes it has paralyzed me.
It hasn't done that for him. when he calls he's cheerful as can be.
So when I feel I am going there, I tell myself the odds are he'll pop up because he always has so far. And if my fears are realized I'll know soon enough so why worry about it twice?
Wait for a reason to worry. What else can we do?
All we can do is take care of our mind and heart.
Until I hear otherwise, I am choosing to believe all is well. Its the healthiest thing for me to do at that moment. And then I PRAY PRAY PRAY.... And ask God to walk beside him for me. :praying
Cathy
Mr.MeToo?
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: East Coast to the Deep South
Posts: 828
Sending good thoughts to you obsessed, as well as your daughter, hoping that god will calm those feelings you are having and put you at peace. I know it may seem bad right now but remember, it really is never to late for her to chose the right path, get well, and make the current situation just seem like it was nothing more than a bad dream.
Just want to relay a quote to you that my mother kept close to her at all times back when i was running around in new york dealing // using heavy drugs.......
All Sunshine and no rain make a desert.
Just want to relay a quote to you that my mother kept close to her at all times back when i was running around in new york dealing // using heavy drugs.......
All Sunshine and no rain make a desert.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Sending mom hugs your way. I know all too well that helpless, lost, empty feeling. It can get better. I have spent the better part of the last two years not knowing for long periods of time if my daughter were alive or dead, who she was with, where she was living and what she was doing. I survived, Megan survived and just for today, she has decided to enter rehab. I got sick and tired and so did she in time. We each get there and Lauren will too. Hugs, Marle
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Obsessed)))
Unfortunately, she is acting like an addict. I didn't call my family for months at a time. I would think about it, then feel guilty and ashamed and didn't want to call just to say "yeah, I'm fine and still smoking crack". So I got high and forgot about it for a while. It sounds awful, but that's what we do.
It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. It just means that dope is the most important thing in her life.
The more you detach from her, she may "rebel" and not call you to "punish" you. It's like we think "okay, you're not giving me what I need ($$, car, the chance to use without consequences), so I'll show YOU!"" But the more we see our loved ones go on with their lives, the more we learn by example.
I saw my dad cry, get furious, and beg me to come home. I wasn't ready to quit, and I just went and drowned my shame and guilt in more dope. When he was calm, offered help "when you're ready", and most importantly said "I can't and won't get you out of this" when I got locked up....that's when it really hit me that, though he loved me dearly, I was going to have to face my consequences...that's when I got clean.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Unfortunately, she is acting like an addict. I didn't call my family for months at a time. I would think about it, then feel guilty and ashamed and didn't want to call just to say "yeah, I'm fine and still smoking crack". So I got high and forgot about it for a while. It sounds awful, but that's what we do.
It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. It just means that dope is the most important thing in her life.
The more you detach from her, she may "rebel" and not call you to "punish" you. It's like we think "okay, you're not giving me what I need ($$, car, the chance to use without consequences), so I'll show YOU!"" But the more we see our loved ones go on with their lives, the more we learn by example.
I saw my dad cry, get furious, and beg me to come home. I wasn't ready to quit, and I just went and drowned my shame and guilt in more dope. When he was calm, offered help "when you're ready", and most importantly said "I can't and won't get you out of this" when I got locked up....that's when it really hit me that, though he loved me dearly, I was going to have to face my consequences...that's when I got clean.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Sending prayers fopr you and Lauren. Not knowing is very difficult, I know. I always slept better if I knew where my daughter was, and slept best when she was in rehab, safe and sound.
The only thing that made it bearable for me was truly surrendering (step one) and asking my Higher power to watch over her in the way I could not in her addiction. Mom to mom hugs.
The only thing that made it bearable for me was truly surrendering (step one) and asking my Higher power to watch over her in the way I could not in her addiction. Mom to mom hugs.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
(((Obsessed)))
Not knowing at times, I thought I was going to lose my mind. That is such a horrible way to live. I have been where you are many times. I can tell you that she will get it. It will not be on your time though. My daughter starting using drugs at the age of 20. She will be 27 on Wed. and for today she is sober. It took her a long time to get it, but one day she just did.
I have wonderful sisters who really helped me get through the hard times. I also came here for a lot of support. I met some of the most wonderful caring people here. Most importantly they understood what I was going through and that helped me a lot.
Prayers for Lauren and peace and comfort for you............Lo
Not knowing at times, I thought I was going to lose my mind. That is such a horrible way to live. I have been where you are many times. I can tell you that she will get it. It will not be on your time though. My daughter starting using drugs at the age of 20. She will be 27 on Wed. and for today she is sober. It took her a long time to get it, but one day she just did.
I have wonderful sisters who really helped me get through the hard times. I also came here for a lot of support. I met some of the most wonderful caring people here. Most importantly they understood what I was going through and that helped me a lot.
Prayers for Lauren and peace and comfort for you............Lo
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by peaceteach 
Go ahead and scream, Obsessed! Get mad, cry, work through these emotions.
Hugs to you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hi Obsessed~~I really do hear and understand how you feel. As hard as I try to let go of my son (cocaine)), when he's amoungst the missing for a while I still panic. What has helped me is that my husband and I went to an NA meeting and we met a wonderful 40 year old man that has talked to us alot. I can call him with my fears and worries and he has a wonderful way of making me calm down. He didn't straighten out till 3 years ago....Sleeping can be the pits. Nighttime is the the quiet time that we can spend worrying about things we can't control....There's times when I have to use sleepaids..My hearts in your corner and I'll be praying you hear from Lauren soon. Smiles, Bonnie
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(((((Obsessed)))
Warm hugs to you, I know how those nights time worries never seem to end.
I'm hoping she'll be calling you soon.
If you can try picking up some extra meetings to get some more support.
Hugs,
Warm hugs to you, I know how those nights time worries never seem to end.
I'm hoping she'll be calling you soon.
If you can try picking up some extra meetings to get some more support.
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
obsessed, I've been thinking about you a lot. Your topic has brought back a lot of memories for me, including ones from before addiction, about coping.
During a family vacation when I was much younger, I found a place out in the desert of New Mexico that I fell in love with. It's miles from anything and not easily accessed. I climbed on top of this low mesa I found mesmerizing and sat up there for hours. Next thing you know I found myself talking with God. Not just in my head, but verbally speaking. It was one of the most comforting feelings because of the solitude. It was just God and me and I didn't see another person the entire time.
As the years went by, I found myself hopping on a plane when things got crazy in my life and making my way back to that spot, seeking out the solitude and that sense of peace. I always found it. There were times I yelled at God and told him how angry I was at what he was allowing in my life. But when I was done, I always found that peace again.
Fast forward to last summer in my front yard, during a gentle summer rain. I was headed to the mail box and ended up standing still for a while. I closed my eyes and felt the rain wash over me. I don't know when my tears started because they blended with the rain, but I was crying and all that my neighbors saw was a nut standing in the rain.
It was one of the most liberating moments of my life. I didn't attempt to stop the tears like I normally would, instead I fully embraced the pain. When the rain stopped, so did my tears, and my pain was gone. Washed away. Like the heavy clouds above me, I needed a release.
Other times I would be soaking in the tub and discover tears when I opened my eyes. Remembering all the other times and how good it felt to let go after the initial pain, I did it again.
A few months ago, after many sessions with my therapist, I remembered I had coping skills. I didn't need to hop on a plane or wait for the rain, I just had to remember to let go.
One of the things I've learned, we've all learned, is that our addicts are or were afraid of pain. Eventually they have to let go or it will incarcerate them, maybe even kill them. We have to let go too or we'll end up in a psych ward or dead.
I just want you to know I'm thinking about you and praying you remember to let go when it begins to hurt too much. I'm praying that you find your mesa, a gentle summer rain, or even just a bottle of Calgon.
During a family vacation when I was much younger, I found a place out in the desert of New Mexico that I fell in love with. It's miles from anything and not easily accessed. I climbed on top of this low mesa I found mesmerizing and sat up there for hours. Next thing you know I found myself talking with God. Not just in my head, but verbally speaking. It was one of the most comforting feelings because of the solitude. It was just God and me and I didn't see another person the entire time.
As the years went by, I found myself hopping on a plane when things got crazy in my life and making my way back to that spot, seeking out the solitude and that sense of peace. I always found it. There were times I yelled at God and told him how angry I was at what he was allowing in my life. But when I was done, I always found that peace again.
Fast forward to last summer in my front yard, during a gentle summer rain. I was headed to the mail box and ended up standing still for a while. I closed my eyes and felt the rain wash over me. I don't know when my tears started because they blended with the rain, but I was crying and all that my neighbors saw was a nut standing in the rain.
It was one of the most liberating moments of my life. I didn't attempt to stop the tears like I normally would, instead I fully embraced the pain. When the rain stopped, so did my tears, and my pain was gone. Washed away. Like the heavy clouds above me, I needed a release.
Other times I would be soaking in the tub and discover tears when I opened my eyes. Remembering all the other times and how good it felt to let go after the initial pain, I did it again.
A few months ago, after many sessions with my therapist, I remembered I had coping skills. I didn't need to hop on a plane or wait for the rain, I just had to remember to let go.
One of the things I've learned, we've all learned, is that our addicts are or were afraid of pain. Eventually they have to let go or it will incarcerate them, maybe even kill them. We have to let go too or we'll end up in a psych ward or dead.
I just want you to know I'm thinking about you and praying you remember to let go when it begins to hurt too much. I'm praying that you find your mesa, a gentle summer rain, or even just a bottle of Calgon.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
