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So Mad

Old 05-22-2008, 12:59 PM
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Angry So Mad

HELLO EVERYONE. I JUST WANTED TO COME IN HERE AND VENT. I NEED SOME ENCOURAGING WORDS TODAY. I HAVE BEEN SEPERATED FROM MY ADH SINCE OCTOBER OF LAST YEAR. WELL SINCE THEN HE HAS JUST WENT DOWN HILL. ABOUT A MONTH AGO I FINALLY GOT THE MONEY TO FILE FOR DIVORCE. YESTERDAY WE WENT FOR OUR TEMP HEARING FOR CHILD SUPPORT AND VISITATION. WELL THE JUDGE ORDERED HIM ONLY 4 HOURS SUPERVISED VISITATION THREW CASA. AND WHEN HE CAN PASS A DRUG TEST THEN HE CAN MORE. (EVERY OTHER WEEKEND WITH HIS MOM PRESENT)WELL HE IS HATING ME AND IS BLAMING ME FOR ALL THIS. HE IS CALLING ME COLD HEARTED AND THAT I DID NOT HAVE TO TELL THEM ABOUT HIS DRUG USE OR ANYTHING. HE ALSO HAD A WRECK ABOUT A WEEK AGO AND TOTALED OUT HIS TRUCK. THEY TOOK HIM TO JAIL BECAUSE HE ADMITTED TO DRUGS IN HIS SYSTEM. THAT WAS KINDA THE LAST STRAW FOR ME. HE JUST DOES NOT UNDERSTAND. I HATE THIS AND I HATE HIM BLAMING ME BECAUSE HE CANT SEE HER. I TOLD HIM TO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE AND CALL MY LAWYER IF HE NEEDS TO ARUGUE ABOUT THIS. WHAT DO I DO FROM HERE??????:wtf2
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Old 05-22-2008, 01:04 PM
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the girl can't help it
 
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It sounds like you are doing pretty good to me. Dealing with the anger is difficult but I think the anger is part of the process.

Keep taking care of yourself and don't give up on yourself.

He can blame you till the end of time and it still won't be your fault!!!
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Old 05-22-2008, 01:41 PM
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(((Lita)))

He is going to blame you, because he's not ready to face reality. He's acting like a child, throwing a temper tantrum because he can't have his way.

I think Splendra's right...anger is just part of the process. What you are doing is absolutely right, IMO...you are protecting your child.

Unless it's absolutely necessary for you to have contact with him, I wouldn't.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 05-22-2008, 01:53 PM
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Well I Am Glad Someone Else Agrees With Me. I Am So Tired Of Falling Into What He Wants Me To Do. I Am Not Going To Do It This Time. I Feel Bad For Him Not Seeing Our Child But At The Same Time I Am So Angry That He Thinks He Should Be Able To See Her.

He Is So Lost And Has No Clue The Danger He Puts Her In When He Has Drugs In His System. It May Have Been A While Since He Done Them But Thats No Excuse. It Drives Me Crazy. What Do I Do In The Future. If They Dont Random Test Him He Will Always Pass One Cause The Stuff He Is Doing Is Out Of His System In Like Two Days.
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Old 05-22-2008, 01:59 PM
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Jen
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You did great!!! Quit taking the blame for his choices. You are very strong to have done what was right to protect your child!!

I have been divorced two years now from my exah. My exah still does not have overnight visits with our two boys (ages 7 & 8). He was ordered to "successfully" complete rehab and stay clean in order to have overnight visits with them. Unfortunately, two years later he still chooses to use.

This was the absolute best decision you could have possibly made for your child (and you!) I PROMISE you the two of you will get through this. Don't get me wrong, it's not going to be easy; however, it's much easier being a single mom than living with a drug addict. Please let your family and friends help if you need it. Even if you have to run to the grocery store by yourself and have a neighbor or friend watch your daughter...go for it!!

I am so thankful for the help I've received and I certainly couldn't have done it without the support of everyone here at SR!!

You are strong and will do fine!! Let him talk to your atty!! The bottom line is you "know" he won't stay clean; therefore, you know his visitation is very limited. Stick to your guns and don't give in.

You deserve to be happy and away from the destruction of living with an addict, as does your daughter.

(((Hugs)))


Jen
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Old 05-24-2008, 06:56 PM
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Lita -

You go girl!!! Don't listen to him -- addicts lie and lie and lie, and they rarely take the blame for THEIR addiction, unless they hit bottom and are serious about recovery. I know, I lived with one for 18 years and he ended up dying because he lied about using and he couldn't admit the severity of his addiction. Until the addict takes a good hard look at themselves, admits they are powerless over their addiction and quits blaming everyone else for the mess they got themselves into, they will never be healthy and you are so right in not letting him see his daughter until he is cleaned up.

Remember, you are your daughter's protector and it's up to you to keep her safe, even if that means staying away from her father. My 13 year old knew about her dad's drug problem for years and she was afraid to be around him if she suspected he was high....she couldn't understand why I kept taking him back time after time - I thought I was doing the right thing in keeping the family together, but now when I look back on it, I realize I was doing her a big dis-service. I was being more worried about the addict and how he felt, than protecting myself and my daughter. Living with an addict can be so time-consuming, everything else takes a back seat- even your child.

Ignore his crap talk -- don't let him get to you. You made a good decision and life will be better without him around and all the craziness that goes with the addicted lifestyle. Trust me, I know that now. I never have wished my husband dead, but it happened and I have to deal with a new reality. But this reality is going to be okay because the chaos and craziness of living with an addict is no longer part of it.

Hang tough - you're on the right road.
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Old 05-24-2008, 07:12 PM
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Lita,

You did great....

I can't stand how addicts blame everything on someone else. It's never their responsibility.

Hugs,
dd
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Old 05-24-2008, 07:32 PM
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You are doing the right thing protecting your child.
He is lucky to have 4 hours a week. He could still be in jail or killed in car accident and not see his child at all.
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