daisylady

This is along the same lines of my previous post from the other day. I suddenly have no more tears for my AH. When we used to argue I would cry and beg for him to stop acting a certain way, now I just ignore him and do whatever I want. For example last night he was supposed to go see his therapist while I went to get my hair done. I came home and it looked like the car had not even moved from its spot so I asked him if had gone to his appointment. Of course, he told me he did go but who knows, I can't believe a word he says. I just told him oh well, I guess if you aren't consistently going to see your therapist we both know what will happen so I will find out eventually. So he started quaking and told me he wasn't eating the dinner I had just made for him. So, I said OK fine don't eat. I ate dinner by myself, cleaned everything up and went to bed. If this had happened a few weeks ago I would have cried and begged him to eat and would have been really upset.

So, am I a insensitive wife or have I reached another mile stone? Part of me feels like I am finally working on ME and not so focused on HIM. And part of me feels like I should be more caring towards him, Sometimes I feel like I am being cold and insensitive. He told me yesterday that I am acting like I don't care anymore. He is still using pot as far as I know and not his DOC yet... but I still feel like I need to keep my guard up as long as he is using ANYTHING and until he has some long-term clean time.

Part of me feels like maybe he deserves more...a more caring wife. And part of me feels like he has made things this way and I am acting exactly the way I should. Thoughts?

dogged

no your not being insensative its called self preservation, we all get to a point where we have little left to give, he is only recieving what he has been giving to you...it gets to the point where we have to look out for ourselves and not worry so much about them, they choose to do the things they do , knowing what will happen and knowing it can sacrifice a relationship, so no..good for you for not falling for his manipulation, im gonna pout and not eat like a 5 yr old if i dont get my way??? look at it for what it is....,,i know it s difficult i finally cut off all contact with my boyfriend who uses crack,,, he continues to want to be a victim and i refuse to be one with him anymore, im tired of all the excuses and drama..they choose it ..so be it, but we dont have to be a victim along with them, you are starting to look at yourself more, and thats good..it seems to come in small doses for many of us because the trauma we have been through, it makes it hard to accept our situation in one big dose...for me, ,reality of my situation came in small doses, and the more i stayed away from him the clearer i could see things for what they are... do for yourself first, there is nothing wrong with you taking care of yourself. he is feeling the change he is worried he wont be able to manipulate you anymore. thats a good sign for you,

Impurrfect

I agree with dogged. You are simply putting the focus on YOU instead of him.

I know that I felt like I was a cold-hearted b**ch when I first started taking care of me, and I was certainly TOLD I was. I'm still told "you don't care" when someone tries to drag me into their drama and chaos. I tell them, it's not that I don't care...it's just something I can't do anything about.

You're doing great. Next time, I wouldn't even ask him if he went to the therapist. You'll find out soon enough. Remember, sweetie....go by his actions, not his words.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy