SailorKaren

Sending you thoughts of care and support Callie. I get how it feels shocking to learn he knows so much about the subtleties of drug testing. Addicts are so crafty! I looked online to find some info for you about creatinine, and it's shocking to me to see all the hits about how to fool the drug tests. Addicts everywhere!! I don't think there is any injustice here. The company is increasing the sophistication of their tests to overcome the addicts' attempts to adulterate their samples. Creatinine is a waste product released into the bloodstream by the muscles in the body. It must be removed from the blood by the kidneys or it will build up to toxic levels. The kidneys filter it out at a well-known and regular rate, where it ends up in the urine at predictable concentrations. The company's test is looking for this concentration, along with drug use markers. If they find a low creatinine level, it can only be a result of the person having severe kidney disease or shutdown, or the sample has been diluted. If there is NO creatinine, the person's kidneys are dead and they should be in the hospital, or the urine is fake.

Like I posted over at the SA forum, your AH hearing loss is likely a result of oxy abuse. The ototoxic effects permanently destroy hair cells in the inner ear, and it can also affect the vestibular system, or sense of balance. The hearing in his one ear, if it is dead, is probably gone for good, and what's left in his other ear is likely to be lost soon if he doesn't get sober. I remember when Rush Limbaugh first started losing his hearing. I was a regular listener, and he would complain about it, and how his doctor was all puzzled about it. Well duh, I bet he didn't tell the doctor about his oxy abuse! Here is a guy whose fame and life work depends upon his ability to hear, and he threw it all away to continue using. He actually went deaf in both ears, and had to go to the expense of surgery and extensive retraining to get cochlear implants and relearn how to recognize voices. Thanks to all his financial resources, he is able to stay on the air with the implants, but he talked about how difficult it was for him to understand anything at first, and I don't imagine he has anything at all like normal hearing anymore.

I stayed with my XAW because I loved her and saw her "heart of gold". Well heart of gold or not, she turned on me and decided all her problems could be solved by dumping me and hooking up with someone new. I was ejected from her life so quickly, my head is still spinning. I concur with the advice here that you have a Plan B in place to care for yourself and your kids. I asked for help and miracles happened in my life as a result. There is no shame in asking for and accepting help in a time of need, and if this moment isn't your time yet, it may well be shortly. If your AH skates through this drug test, what happens to his job if he loses his hearing? You won't help anyone by going down with the ship. I realize now that I was very naive about addiction and its effects, and I feel a little blindsided by what happened. You've done a tremendous job as a loyal and devoted partner. But love and devotion have to go both ways, and he is now showing you where his true love lies. You are not his beloved, drugs are his beloved. He has taken a mistress, and that betrayal is real. You now have a choice on how you will handle his infidelity, and I think your conscience can be clear whatever you decide.

Callie

Thank you SK! That was immensely helpful. I will post an update later - I'm just too exhausted right now.

Klynn33

Hi Callie,

I've been dropping in and out of your thread, seeing how you're doing. I just wanted to say that WOW - I don't know if you've noticed, or if it's the way you feel, but you are ONE STRONG lady. I can only imagine what you're going through or how you're feeling, but for you to be this caring and this involved - trying to get help and infomation, well it's really amazing. I only hope that through all of this you are remembering to take some time to look after you. Never forget that you need time too.
Take care Callie,

Callie

Thank you Krista - I'm not feeling very strong right now though No I haven't been taking care of myself. Through all of this drama though I am realizing that I need too. I am glad that he's out of the house. That helps ALOT. That is my goal next week is to get "my house" in order and work on myself. Even through it all I'm still the one that runs the kids to bible school, balances the checkbook, mows the lawn ect. My life has not been able to stop. AH is pretty much holed up in @ his moms in his own room. Only watches tv, sleeps and plays poker on the internet. His mom cooks and cleans for him. Oh how I wish I could have that if only for a few days! . In reality though I'd never be able to sit still for that long. Thanks for the kind words. I so appreciate them.

lightseeker

Callie -

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and know that you must just be running on steam by now. You've got a lot on your plate but things will take care of themselves if you just take them one day at a time. I keep asking myself "am I okay right now?" "are my children okay right now?" I realize that the rest of everything is going to take care of itself as long as I continue to do the next right thing for me and my boys.

This is a crazy time and you are busy - try a grab some time to take care of you. Sometimes I forget what fun even feels like. I'm thinking about you and sending you good thoughts and prayers.

Hugs

Callie

I meant to update on this thread instead of the other - sorry for the dual posts.

Update - I need any help that anyone can give me. Ah had an appt with admin about his situation. Apparantly the creatinine fell below 2 which. That level fell below normal. This means the the company deems the sample a "substitute" (aka tampered with or fake urine.) H has talked with his family doc as well as rehab and they've pulled past tests up and his level fell below the normal for creatinine every time. So apparantly this is "normal" for AH - even when he was out of rehab and clean. They are still saying that unless he can get a nephrologist (kidney doc) to substantiate this BY THURSDAY that he is fired. He's been on the phone all day as well as the receptionist at his family doc trying to get an appt. The soonest he can get in is July 1, which falls outside the deadline.

The other option he was given was to do a hair analysis. AH says he's taken percocet, percodan, loracet and said he did have some 10 mg of oxy's about 1.5 months ago. He said he would take them usually Thursday through Sunday at minimum levels and be sick/feel like crap Monday - Wednesday. His hair is short, but he fears that if he takes a hair test that the oxy might show up (from 1.5 months ago). I don't even know if they would test for percocet in a hair analysis.

This has really rocked AH to the core and he says he'll never be in this situation again. The fact that the use is now somewhat public and that he's endangering an entire families well being that it's just not worth it. I am not saying that I believe him, but at this point I want to do everything that I can (right or wrong) for him to keep his job. It affects myself and my two kids whether we're married or not. I am so humiliated by his actions and he is embarassed to even go out in public. I know that he deserves to be fired, but does anyone have any info or suggestions as to what to do?

They will NOT accept another urine test, they do not care that his creatinine levels have ALWAYS been low. He's thinking that they're trying to pin him for all of the family leave that he's taken in the last 6 months. I'm starting to think that too. He deserves this, I know. I'm being totally codependant, I know - but he makes VERY good money and has been @ this job for 19 years. I've never seen him this low. He's offered to take another blood or urine test - they refuse. He can get his family doc to verify that he did indeed have rx's for the drugs (or most) that he was taking, but the rx's were expired.

I am just a complete mess and am totally scrambling to help him figure SOMETHING out. He's still @ his moms and this most likely will be the end of us, but does anyone have ANY ideas?? His company does not have a union so they can do pretty much anything that they want.

Please don't tell me to step back and let him find his way. I've done this for the past week, but this is getting to be crunch time and he needs to figure SOMETHING out. Who is going to want to hire him after he's fired for drug use. He's even thought of calling a lawyer to see what he could do.

Does anyone know anything about a hair test - do they even test for percocet, lorocet, percodan? How long would 10 mg oxy last in a hair test? I'm not just fighting for him right now - I'm more trying to fight for very good insurance and very good child support. I will take any advice that I can. Again, I KNOW that he should be fired - but this will be devastating financially. We just added onto our house 4 years ago. It was my grandpa's house - I can't lose it. This is where I chose to call home - Thanks for reading - I so appreciate all of the help I've gotten thus far.

Abundance

I responded in the SA forum.......

splendra

I think he may need a lawyer and to see his doctor.

It sounds like this has been along time coming. Prayers going out. You take good care of you...

Chino

Opiates are included in hair tests and they only need about an inch. The drugs can't be washed out and if the hair on his head is too short, they'll use body hair.

Take a deep breath and don't stop. I would be panicking too and I'm saying prayers for your serenity.

Callie

Thank you so much guys - I know I need to walk away. But he is just beside himself right now. I've fought so many battles and for whatever reason I cannot back down on THIS one because it digs into my 7 yo old twins and my pockets too. I cannot even think about the fact that he DESERVES to be fired. He did ALL of this in the name of addiction. All that I can think about is the fight to keep his job. He cannot do this by himself and it's as if I "let him fall" he tumbles down our entire family financially in the process. I've cut him off from EVERYTHING financially in this house. He has to get gas $$ from his mom, food $$ from his mom. He's not spent a night here in almost a week.

Thank you so much for your help and for not telling me to let him find his way, it's his battle. I know it is, but he cannot fight it on his own and I cannot walk away from this knowing that "I" didn't do everything that I could to protect myself and my kids. Hugs from the bottom of my heart - you guys are amazing.

Any comments are appreciated. You know I had to give a speech tonight in front of alot of people about my profession. I HATE public speaking. But I did it. I put all of this aside if only for an hour and I did it. I had VERY little clue what to say and I wasn't prepared. Sometimes I feel so weak, but then my strength shines though. I am so grateful for that. (totally not trying to brag here ) On another positive note, I've lost some weight this week and my skinny jeans fit again!! I've been sick to my stomach all week and can't even eat. Great diet, huh? I didn't even have to exercise! Not funny, I know, but sometimes laughter is a reprieve from all of this drama. Thanks for reading and thanks for your help and support.

Callie

oops

Abundance

Callie........ WTG on the public speaking and that you are still getting on with what needs to be done !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ZombieWife

I am in agreement with the poster who suggested a lawyer. What they're doing doesn't sound in any way reasonable or fair, unless their HR department can suggest a kidney doctor in that amount of time.

I think most people know how long it takes to get an appointment to see a specialist.

Impurrfect

(((Callie)))

Most hair tests will go back 3 months, but I don't know what all they test for and they need very little hair.

It may help to get a lawyer, but I know in the state of GA, any employer can fire you for any reason.

I hate that you are going through this, and the only other thing I can think of is to get copy of his urinalyses from his doctor in the past...they show a low creatinine.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Callie

Thanks Amy - I already thought of that - they won't accept it.

lyssabee

I'm curious - did you get all of the background/info from what is going on at work from your husband, or from his employer?

hello-kitty

:wtf2

Callie, I am truly confused. Please help me understand. What do you want help with? Figuring out a way to get your husband to beat this drug test problem so he can keep his job (for now...) or help accepting that he is an addict who is unwilling to admit that the test isn't the problem, his addiction is, and get treatment for it?

You may not want to hear that you need to step back and let him deal with the consequences of his actions but it is a fact. By trying to protect him from them, you are enabling his addiction to continue. I'm sure thats not what you want. Is it??

Chino

That's one hell of a place you're in.

After my father died, my step mother pretty much fell apart. She was a recovered alcoholic but that ended. Property taxes went unpaid on the home, which had belonged to my grandparents, and she was about to face eviction along with being jobless.

According to the stipulations of my dad's will, that house will go to me upon her death.

I could have let her fall and both of us lose the home but I chose to pay the tax bill. I went into short term debt over it, too. My one stipulation was that if something like that happened again, I would take full ownership immediately and she agreed.

She is still fighting for sobriety and does temp work when she's able.

I didn't look at it as enabling, I looked at it as smart business because I have invested in maintenance. I'm a home owner, a business owner, and I will protect my investments at all costs.

rahsue

as far as I know a hair test can calculate what you've taken in the past year but I'm not positive.

sorry it has come down to this.

lightseeker

Callie -

this sounds like one tangled web. I'm sorry that you are in the midst of all of this drama and hope that things will turn in a positive direction soon. Even if he squeaks out of this mess with his job somehow, what is going to prevent this from happening again and your financial situation being in peril? One thing I've identified is that I do have to be able to support myself and my children without RAH's income. There is just too much at stake not to manage things that way.

I realize that you are very busy but have you thought of ways that you can be financially stable without his income? Usually, when I'm taking stop gap measures then I'm just delaying the inevitable and making it worse in the long run. Recovery is a long journey and your AH husband sounds like he is in quite a mess.

Hope that you are hanging in there and I'm sorry for your pain.