LovesHerKid71

Today is my first day on this site and have found it to be so positive and helpful already. Some background: My husband and I have a 16 year old son who is a drug addict and alcoholic. He completed a 30 day in-patient program, followed by a 6 month out-patient program. He was very successful in both programs and made amazing progress. Over the last few weeks we have been seeing the warning signs of relapse--phone calls from old using friends, rumors that he has been using, etc. We have talked to him twice about our concerns, but have no "proof" that he has started using again, only our gut instincts and observations of changes in his attitude and behavior. Does anyone here have any ideas on how we can get him to open up and admit relapse to us so that we can address this before it gets worse? He adamantly denies that he has started using again, but my instincts tell me something else. Do we need to sit back and wait for him to get caught? Do we wait for him to hit rock bottom? I'm seeing all the old addict behavior and it scares me to death. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks!

loner1968

can you make him take a drug test?

rahsue

go get a urine drug test from cvs or whatever pharmacy you have there. Tell your husband to go into the bathroom with him otherwise you will get a cup of warm water.
If you son gets defensive just tell him the trust needs to be earned back. Then take it from there. at 16 you can put him in a boarding school for addicts. Here in pennsylvania there is a place called gaudenzia that will house and school a child. If you don't know of any look up gaudenzia and call and ask them for a referrel for minnesota.
My son started at 16 also and I wish I knew of this site back then.

good luck, I'll say a prayer for you and your family

bookmiser

(((((((((Lovesherkid)))))))))

hope213

i too am the mom of an addict son. there is nothing you can do to make him quit using. if you think he is,he is. you know the signs. why do you want to find out? i have been where you are & all it does is worry you.the every second worry will go anyway if you start working on yourself. do good things for you. find a meeting to go to.keep coming back here. this site saved my sanity. i spent 10,00000000's of dollars trying to fix my son.he was not ready & is still not ready. money,& worry will not save him.you can not save him,he has got to do that himself.the 3 c's here are.... you did not CAUSE it,you can not CONTROL it & you can not CURE it. did i tell you my son has been an alcoholic, then the drugs came since he was 17,now 37. it is really hard to let go & let God. i say a prayer every morning & turn him over. read the sticky at the top of the forum"what addicts do". it will only get worse & there is nothing you can do to help him.it is sad but true. welcome to S.R. my prayers are for you & your son.

ZombieWife

I agree with the drug test idea. If he throws a fit, then you'll have to consider consequences.

He might just be thinking, "I can handle this now. I'm ok." I think many addicts go through that--a period of time when they are clean, then they think, "just one drink/pill/snort/whiff won't hurt me. I have control."

:ghug2

sleepygoat

Yup, time to collect some urine. In my state (NJ) at 16 my AD had the right to choose or refuse treatment, but right next door in PA, she could have been mandated by us to go. If your state allows you to mandate your minor child into treatment, then that's a good reason to urine test him.

Spiritual Seeker

Read the sticky "What Addicts Do" at the top for friends + family forum. You will see that LIE is at the top of the list. All teenagers lie, but addicts become chronic habitual liars. Believe what your intuition + gut are telling you.
When my son lived at home, if I said drug test, he had to take one with me in the room.
He is a minor, so you have legal rights that you will lose the min. he turns 18.

My 23 yr. old son is in his 3rd rehab. Relaspse is part of the disease.
Many report that it took several stints in rehab, not just one, especially when they are young.
Keep being the good mom that you are and don't accept the unacceptable.
Mothering a child on drugs is not for woosies. It takes skills .
Stick around to get support and share your journey with us.

Some places have Al-anon groups specific for parents. It's beem a life-saver for m

caileesnana

Welcome to SR, lots of parents here. We all understand your fear.
susan

tamcor123

when does a practicing addict lie? I wouldnt ask him anymore q's un less you want to be lied to,so without words i would act what you believe in your heart to be true.

rahsue

I will agree with anyone that says "step away from the addict" however, at age 16 there just might be alot you can do. If he can do what he wants at 18, so be it but for now a 16 yr old still needs guidance, especially if he is an addict. You have two years to do what you can, I know the saying if hes goin to use he will but by God if I knew then what I know now my son would have been put in gaudenzia in a new york minute!
I think it is true that an addict has to go through a few rehabs before he "gets it" so why not give him a push in the right direction while you can. If at 18 you have a rebellious addict then you can think of stepping away from the addict but until then use your muscles! of course this is my humble opinion from one mom of an addict to another.

Jewelz

(((Lovesherkid)))

I am so sorry for what you re going through. I agree completely with rahsue! Do whatever it is you can to get your son help. Its one thing when there an adult making their own choices but your son is still a minor under your supervision... you still have some power to send him a place for help.

jewel

LovesHerKid71

It's me again. Wow! I'm new here and didn't expect so many responses! Thanks to everyone--I certainly took away a lot of positive things from your posts. It's tough because we "know" what is happening because we can see all the warning signs. His DOC's metabolize very quickly, so UAs are unreliable, at best. Our son is in counseling and we are trying to get him to go to meetings, but so far we've been unsuccessful. The problem is, we cannot mandate treatment of any sort at this time because according to him, he's clean. Until we have "proof" or an admission from him, he isn't eligible for services. It seems like we are just going to have to watch him spiral downward a bit before we will be able to truly intervene. Until then, we take care of ourselves...Thanks again for all the input. I realize we cannot make him change, but we intend to intervene as much as possible until he is 18.