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Recommendation for Court Ordered Rehab

Old 05-19-2008, 11:14 AM
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Recommendation for Court Ordered Rehab

Hi there. I received a call from my ex's attorney this weekend. She left a message requesting that I write a letter to the judge recommending my ex for a court ordered rehab program that will run concurrently with his prison sentence.

Obviously the guy needs rehab - he's a crack and meth addict for pete's sake who is a complete drain on society. If rehab is available he deserves a chance to go. Maybe it will help him. And I'm happy to tell the judge that same thing. But quite frankly I don't care what happens to my ex anymore. My life is much simpler and peaceful when he is locked up in prison. And I don't care all that much if he ever gets better. I like things better when he is far away from us. I've accepted that he may be one of those addicts that are "unreachable and unhelpable". I would almost prefer he die (I know that is a terrible, selfish thing to say).

However, I don't mind writing a letter, because it is the right thing to do. The guy is human after all, and if he wants to get better, I guess I should encourage it. He IS my sons father and I'm sure that my son would want him to go to rehab and quit using crack - if he was old enough to talk and know what was going on....

I just don't want my jaded anger & disenchantment with rehab and my ex to show through in the letter. Does anyone have any advice on what to say?
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Old 05-19-2008, 12:04 PM
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I would be honest and vague.

I know that seems like a contradiction, but just because you feel he could be helped by a chance at rehab, doesn't mean you have a vested interest in the outcome.

Perhaps you could write it on behalf of your son, who deserves a chance at having his Dad in his life, even though that chance looks like less than a good one right now.

I admire your willingness
(((Hugs)))
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Old 05-19-2008, 12:22 PM
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I wrote a letter for the judge for my youngest, and he was sentenced to court ordered rehab for 6 months, after a 3 month jail term.
He's been sober ever since, so I'm guessing it at least made him get his priorities straight...LOL

What I wrote was, how my son was before addiction got ahold of him. What a warm, caring person he was, and then his struggle overcame him.
I also worte that I felt he was influenced my his older brother, and a sentence term would not help him in the long run.
(mind you I wrote this much more elequently...)

Not sure if my letter helped, but I really wanted to see that son in rehab.

Good idea to view it from your son's aspect.

Hugs,
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Old 05-19-2008, 12:37 PM
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Stick to the facts and the chronological order of events that have occurred that would make you believe he needs to stops using. Do it as though you're telling someone about a TV show and not something you've had to endure. Keep it simple. Good for you that you can be the bigger person. Many people would tell his attorney to go scratch so that's good of you to agree.
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Old 05-19-2008, 05:08 PM
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Do you think this letter is ok?? Do you think it is too much or not enough? I don't want to screw things up for him if this could be his chance... I guess he's lucky anyone even cares anymore he's such a desparate human being. Or barely a human being anymore...

To Whom It May Concern:

This is a very emotional letter for me to compose.

I am writing this on behalf of my 2 year old son, Andrew. D is his father. Andrew is a beautiful (and brilliant) little boy with big blue eyes and a great sense of humor. He misses his daddy. When we say our prayers at night, he always asks God to bless Daddy, without any prompting from me. He talks about the walks they used to go on and the time they saw the fireboat. These are Andrew’s earliest memories, formed before he could even talk. It broke Andrew’s heart the day his daddy went away and started using drugs again. “Where daddy go?” It was so hard to explain to him that his daddy loved him very much but wasn’t able to take care of him right now. He accepted my answer, but he still waits patiently for his daddy to return. Of course, I won’t let his daddy come back into Andrew's life until he is in recovery for his addiction. That is the boundary I have drawn to protect me and my son.

I think if Andrew were old enough to talk or understand the situation, he would beg you to give his father a chance at life outside the prison system. He loves his father so much and he would want him to get well so they could ride bikes or play soccer.

Without rehab, I don’t think that D has a chance of surviving his life. I want him to get off and stay off drugs. And drug treatment is the only way that is going to happen. It could be the miracle he needs to live. This letter reminds me of that AA saying, “don’t give up before the miracle.” Andrew hasn’t given up on his daddy, even if the rest of us have, even if we are all tired of this. I hope that treatment can be D’s miracle. I think it’s worth a shot – just to give my son a father.

I think that Andrew’s father is going to die if he doesn’t get treatment for his addiction. He has told me many times that he wanted to get clean and sober. He tells me that he likes to be clean and sober. The last time he got out of prison he stayed clean for 2 months. He relapsed and was arrested about 2 months after that. I believe he relapsed because he didn't have the tools he needed to stay clean and sober when life got frustrating. I believe rehab could give him those tools, so that when he gets out of jail this time he has a chance to live a decent life.

Diono’s health is declining and he has many reasons to stay clean and sober. It confuses me that he chooses to go back to drugs and the lifestyle that accompanies it. It’s more than just poor choices. He’s an addict. If he can overcome his addiction, I believe that he has it in him to be a good father and a contributing member of society. But he needs professional help or he will never make it. I think he’s worth it. His son thinks he’s worth it. If he doesn't learn how to stay clean and sober, he will be in and out of jail until he dies, which will probably be sooner than later. Please give him a chance.
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Old 05-19-2008, 05:21 PM
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I think that should do it. I don't know if the judge will tear up like I did, but I think it's good. It's just about what we said to my wife to get her to go to rehab.
Good luck to you and Andrew. It sounds like you are doing well and Andrew will have a good life either way.
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Old 05-19-2008, 08:49 PM
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That's an amazing letter. I think it is awesome and I have to say, between tears I was saying prayers that Andrew gets his dad back. Thanks for doing this to give your son's dad a chance. Hugs
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Old 05-19-2008, 09:10 PM
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I really loved your letter to the judge. It showed that he was human instead of just a person with addiction problems.

It might just give you a little hope that most people I know have recovered from their addictions. I have known many, many people dealing with this. There have only been two they have not.
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Old 05-19-2008, 09:34 PM
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Well, it can go one of two ways:

1. impersonal and factual. Short, to the point.
2. personal and factual. A little lengthy, but heart-felt and probably somewhat therapeutic for you (maybe not.)

I don't know. I think if it were me, I'd want to keep it short and to the point, but you don't want it to come across as some sterile, 1 paragraph dictation that you could have found on the internet as a sample letter.

Dear Judge,

I am thankful to have moved on from ____, but for the sake of his son I hope that you will give him the option of rehab. After everything we have been through in regard to his addiction, I feel that if he can come through rehab the man that he's meant to be, his children will benefit and it's them I look out for and hope for and want good things for.

Etc.

If you want to post it here or PM some of us, I bet we would look it over for you.
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Old 05-19-2008, 10:33 PM
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hello-kitty, that couldn't have been easy and it couldn't have been any more perfect. I was praying for Andrew's father and asking God to bless you for your generosity.
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Old 05-20-2008, 05:15 AM
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(((Kitty)))

I think it's a really good letter.

Hugs and prayers for you all!

Amy
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